More than a Paycheck.

    It all started when God said I was not leaving my current job. Despite how much I dislike my current job. Thankfully I quickly realized from past experiences that it meant He had something to teach me. So I said, "Okay, I'm listening because I want to get the heck out of this job."

    But then He told me He wanted to teach me about my self-worth, and I knew it would get messy, and I do not like a mess. Thankfully it only took about a week, an ugly tear heart-to-heart with my hubby and a handful of rejection emails from companies I had been applying to before I got on board. God got my attention.

    For most of my life, I have struggled with my self-worth. For most of my adult life, my worth has come from my ability to do. To work and earn a living, to cook/clean. To do anything "productive."

    For the last number of years, weekends have been a struggle because a) I have no routine (something I can/should fix myself)  and b) I am not doing anything "productive" and, therefore, I am worthless. Yes, I am hard on myself. There is nothing wrong with working hard. I was raised by a workaholic and a hard worker who likes to putter around. Neither of those titles is intended to be insulting. I love and respect both of my parents and appreciate the work ethic that they instilled in me.

    But I'm tired of determining my self-worth from the number of hours worked, the size of my paycheck, and how clean my home is. I've known for a long time that I need to go to God for my self-worth, after all, He did create me, and therefore, I should be going to Him for my self-worth. He wanted to tell me I'm valuable, and He wants to tell you too.

    But being the stubborn and independent woman that I am, I wanted to do it on my own. I wanted to earn my worth. All it leads to is stress, anxiety, depression, and exhaustion.

    So after that heart-to-heart with my hubby, he reminded me of my need for Jesus in that area of my life and that only Jesus can tell me that I'm worth it. It was then that I decided that I am tired of feeling this way and time to go to God. Of course, He was happy to listen and teach me just how much I mean to Him.

    I started by digging into my Bible and reading verses and passages about His love for me. Bible verses I have read a thousand times, but I needed the refresher. The Bible says that it is alive and active and sometimes we just need to read a verse with fresh eyes for God to reveal something new to us. A few days later, I had read a handful of Bible verses and was coming to accept my God-given worth. As head-knowledge anyways. Head knowledge is not enough. We need to believe it in our hearts and souls.

    So once I accepted my newfound knowledge of my God-given worth, I received an invitation for a "pre" interview meeting. That way they could put a face to the name and decide if they wanted to bring me in for a full interview. The interview was successful, and it sounded like I would be getting an interview. A few days passed, and I asked God why I hadn't been contacted. He said," You are the one holding yourself back." and I said, "Okay, then we have more work to do." So I started praying that it would go from head knowledge to heart knowledge.

    I was desperately hating my job, getting more miserable with every passing day. But God knew that and I knew I just wanted to get this "lesson" over with so I could get out of this job. Once I confessed to myself and God that I was praying with the wrong motive I started praying for myself and not just to get out of my job.

    By the end of the week, I was praying hard. On Thursday, the "wall" between head versus heart knowledge started to come down. Not all at once, but a good start. The next day, Friday, I spent time at work telling myself that I am more than a paycheck and the "wall" continued to fall. Around noon on Friday, my supervisor came and asked if anyone in my department wanted to work overtime the next day. We all said no. Once he left, I started to feel bad and regretted my decision. I felt the need to work the next day, even though I had made plans and was looking forward to them. I started telling myself that "I'm more than a paycheck." Over and over, I repeated it until the bad feeling went away, and I started to cry tears of joy. Because I finally believe that I am allowed to enjoy the activities I had planned for the weekend and not feel bad for saying no to overtime.

    So there we have it, friends, I finally found my God-given worth and it brings me to tears yet again because I can finally stop striving for the empty "worth" that the world gives and rest in the worth that God has freely given to you and me when He died on the cross for us.

    I don't say all this in a prideful way or in an attention-seeking way. Yes, I know I share my blogs on Facebook, and so much of Facebook is for attention or at least that's what it feels like. I share because I want you to find your worth in Christ too. Whether you are a seasoned believer and need a little reminder. Been a believer for years but never accepted this part, like me. Or, you don't know Jesus as your Lord and Savior yet. If that last one is you, what are you waiting for? If you are waiting until you are "good" enough, then I have good news for you. God loves every part of you. Mess and all. Plus I hate to burst your bubble, but no one is "good enough," only Jesus.

    So, friends, I'm going to sit back and enjoy my God-given worth and watch a chick flick with Blessing while my hubby is out and not feel guilty.

    And now that I have learned and accepted the lesson God had for me, I will wait and see what job He has for me next and remember that a) He is my provider and b) the number on my paycheck doesn't mean much.

    I pray this post blesses you right where you are today and that you either already know your worth or will soon.

Love

~Hannah

Enjoyed a guilt free morning of photography and captured this beauty outside our front door. 

This little town is starting to grow on me.

Bite-Size Pieces

    I was listening to a sermon the other night on Romans 12:1-2. The pastor said there was a lot to learn from these two simple verses. As I enjoyed the message, God reminded me of the importance and difference between quality and quantity of time with God. A concept I have known for years but, just like everyone else, needed a little reminder.

    He reminded me that it is better to dig deep into a passage verse than read a chapter. Mainly because I tend to treat reading a chapter like a check list item, and I do not take the time to read everything well.

    It reminded me of a story I heard years ago where a father gave his two children each a muffin. He told them to take the top off the muffin and save it for later. Then they were instructed to eat the bottom of the muffin slowly. So they did. After finishing the bottom, they ate the top (saving the best for last, in my opinion). After they finished eating the top, the father asked if the children were still hungry. Both children said they were full. The reason being is that they took the time to not only enjoy the muffin but also giving them time to digest it properly.

    The same goes for the word of God. When we read quickly, we don't take in nearly as much as we would if we took our time. I have been amazed at how rick a simple paragraph can be and how much God can show me in a small amount of text verse a full chapter.

    There is a time and  place for reading a full chapter or even a book. Group Bible studies are one of those places. Or if you want a bigger picture of what is going on in the passage you are reading. But I have found over the last little while that when I read a smaller passage I remember what I read throughout the day and therefore am also learning more and growing.

    I just looked at my word count for this post and realized how small this one is compared to other posts I have written in the past. I think it is fitting though, a small post for a small yet important message.

    I pray that this post reminds you to continue connecting to God in whatever ways you spend time with Him and check if you are spending quality time or simply a quantity of time with Him.

God Bless

~Hannah

Found these pretty flowers on a little sunrise photoshoot this morning.

God Answers Prayers

    Recently I started looking for a new job. Overtime season was coming to a close at work, and with vaccine requirements reducing, it looked like a good time to find a job that I enjoy. I have spent the last four years in jobs that require steel-toe boots and a fair bit of dust. I am ready to wear my "Sunday best" to work and return to customer service or work in an office setting. The search for a new job began with a lot of prayer and a few resumes submitted.

    One night I was settling into bed and praying over my job search. God said, "step out in faith." So the next day, I got on Indeed and applied to a handful of jobs I had saved over the last few days. Feeling accomplished, I started praying over those submissions and waited for God to answer.

This past week I applied online for a job and then decided to go to the business and hand them a physical copy and show my face. Figured if it is a customer service job, what better way to apply than by showing my face.

    A week goes by without any responses from businesses or God. I felt frustrated. I know job hunting takes more time than that but when God gives you a direction and you follow it, most people want an answer. Or is that just me?

    One evening, Blessing and I are out for our evening walk, and I'm praying and telling God that I am tired of working in dirty factories/ warehouses and tired of my steel-toe boots. (side note, I love my steel toe boots, I live in them, but now I'm tired of them) I was wondering why I had not heard from God and wondered if God and I were in a transition in my prayer life. (I transition between journaling and praying while I walk) Usually, I do not notice that we are in a transition until I feel dry and wonder why I have not heard from God in a bit, and then I change our routine up, and we are back on track. Except I did not think we were in a transition period. Needless to say, I was feeling frustrated and a little lost. As Blessing and I walked, I reflected on the timeline of when God said to step out in faith and realized it had only been a week. I thought it had been longer. Guess I am impatient. The Holy Spirit then reminded me that the teacher is quiet during the test. Meaning, chill out. Go about your routine and chill out. Fine. I'll chill. Or at least I will try. I do not "chill" well, but I will try.

    A few days later, I am at work and was told that we are heading into overtime again (new department). As soon as I heard the news I knew that God was answering my prayer. Just not in the way I wanted, but it was an answer. Not that I want to spend more time in a dusty, dirty factor, but God has other ideas. I know it's God's answer because even though I have no interest in working in this factory, let alone longer hours, my family could use the money. Heck, with everyone trying to recover from Covid and how it has messed with everyone's finance we could all use extra cash. Plus I just got my six-month raise and my benefits. I figured we would use my benefits until I found another job, guess we will be using them a little longer than expected.

    I am not thrilled with God's answer, but I know He has a reason for why I am in this job, and I am going to do my best to have a teachable spirit and learn why He wants me there. Please do not think of me as a saint for that statement. I have simply worked in a few jobs over the last few years, and despite disliking them or at least parts of them, after the job was finished I was able to look back and understand why God had me in those jobs. And seeing how God does not change and always has our best interest at heart, I know He has a reason why I am staying in this job. So I will try not to grumble too much when I look in the mirror after work and see all the dust. 

    God answers prayers according to His will, not ours, and sometimes the answers do not look like what we want. Over the last few days, I have been reflecting on the prayers God has answered for me over the years, and I could not come up with an example of a prayer that did not turn out the way I wanted. Yes, some prayers were not answered in my timeline, but they were always the answer I wanted in the end.

    It has been an interesting experience having God answer prayer and not have it line up the way I wanted. Surprisingly I'm not mad. (Again, don't take that as me saying I'm an incredibly righteous woman of God. I have plenty of flaws). I'm not thrilled by His answer, I'd like to work somewhere cleaner, but I'm not mad or upset. I'm not shaking my fist at heaven, a few months ago, I did when I did not get a job I thought God wanted me to have, and instead, God gave me the job I have now. Guess you could say I have grown in the last few months, which is always a good thing, especially for a believer in Jesus Christ. If you are not growing in your faith and relationship with God, something is wrong.

    So friends, what prayers has God answered recently that did not turn out the way you wanted? How did you react? Feel convicted yet? 😜 I know I sure did when someone commented on my reaction to God's answer six months ago.

    I pray that this post encourages you, challenges you, and reminds you that not only does God hear our prayers, but He answers them too.

God Bless

~Hannah

Last Sunday Blessing and I went for a sunrise photo walk. Love how this photo turned out.

God truly is an incredible artist and has blessed me with a few photography skills along the way.

Why Hannah? Why Not.

     Why Hannah? For starters, it is a beautiful name. It is also a younger name whereas Ruth is an older name.

    I have spent the last year pondering the idea of returning to my first name, Hannah, and then finally on March 2nd, 2022 at around 9 am, I was thinking about it again and having a lot of anxiety over it. Then God spoke, “If you are still thinking about it, it means you want it.” Instantly I felt at peace and knew my decision. Two hours later at lunchtime, I texted my hubby and the rest of my family and informed them of my decision. Then I started telling my coworkers and asked them to make the necessary changes.

    It has been quite the transition for me and everyone around me, but I am thankful that everyone is doing their best.

    When people ask me why I returned to Hannah I do not have a black and white answer. Or at least not one that I think will make sense to anyone.

    I considered going back to Hannah when hubby and I fir got married but it did not feel right. Now it does.

    In the Bible both Hannah and Ruth are important characters, Ruth even has a full book. I spent years relating to Ruth and wanting to reflect her character; loyalty, devotion to family, hard worker, etc. In the last few years, I have found myself relating more to Hannah and her story. She loved God, had a devoted prayer life, and loved her husband.

    This next part may sound a little silly or odd but bear with me. Like I said before, Hannah is a “younger” name compared to Ruth. I consider myself to be a rather “old soul.” More so in personality than character, but still. I would rather curl up in bed at 8:30with my book or journal and Blessing than go to the bar. I enjoy older television shows like Murdock mysteries and Downtown Aby instead of police shows. I find it a little funny that someone my age prefers this life over a “younger” one. So I thought if I returned to my younger name, I might feel younger. Silly, I know. I do not intend to change my lifestyle choices, or start going to the bar.

    Either way, I have fallen in love with my first name and am happy with my decision. The day after I announced my decision to my family and coworkers I started to regret it. I was sitting in my rocking chair reading my Bible before work and wondering if I had made the wrong decision. After a minute of thinking about it, I realized I was still happy with my decision, I just was not looking forward to correcting everyone. As a child, I did not like my first name and a few kids teased me with it and used the nickname Hanhan. It no longer offends me and I have even debated letting people call me that nickname. Although I would rather my full name of Hannah.

    By now I am sure you are wondering why my parents raised me by my middle name and not my first name. Well from my understanding mom and dad like Ruth more than Hannah. Except Ruth Hannah does not flow as nicely as Hannah Ruth. So they picked Hannah Ruth and brought me home and for the first two weeks of my life I was Hannah and then they decided that Ruth suited me better and decided to raise me on Ruth. There was also the bonus that the two women I am named after, Mom's aunt Ruth, and grandmother Hannah, Ruth was still alive when I was born, and sharing a name gave my great aunt and me a special bond that I will always cherish. She is gone now though. So I do not feel bad for “leaving” that name behind and moving on with my new/first name. Hannah.

    So there it is friends, the story of why I have returned to my first name of Hannah.

    Thank you for taking the time and reading along with this post and my other posts and for allowing me to share my hobby with you.

God Bless

~Hannah

                   Today's photo is simply a pretty flower from my mom's garden last summer.

Hair Care

    It is finally here! It has finally happened! It has taken me my entire life, but I have finally done it. I grew my hair out to my dream length, the bottom of my rib cage. For those who have not known me since I was twelve or who have not heard me talk about hair care, I am a little obsessed with the topic of hair. I spent several years researching ways to make my hair grow faster. Outside of going to hairdresser schools and reading their textbooks, I know everything there is to know about hair and hair growth. Well, that sounded prideful. I have considered getting text books from hairdresser friends to keep learning but have not yet done so.

    You are probably thinking, “If you have been hair-obsessed your whole life, why did it take you so long to grow it out?” Good question, friend. Answer, I am very indecisive about my hair and love short and long hair. From the moment I had autonomy over my hair around the age of twelve, I spent the next sixteen years cutting my hair, regretting it, re growing it and then getting bored of waiting for it to grow and cut it again. It was a vicious cycle. Five years ago, it occurred to me why I am so indecisive about my hair. You see, I was not a fan of the natural texture of my hair when it was longer ( past my shoulders), but I am also not one to spend time styling my hair daily, except when it was short (within an inch of my chin). So when it was short I could avoid my natural texture because I straightened it regularly and when I was growing it out I was focused on the process and not the texture.

    It has only been in the last four years that I decided to get serious about my goal length and did not cut it when I felt the urge to do so. My secret weapon, hair die. I discovered that when I got bored and wanted to cut it if I put some temporary hair dye in, it made for a nice colorful distraction and got me past the urge to cut it again. Worked wonders.

    So, in celebration of reaching this childhood dream and lifetime goal, I have decided to share my “secret formula” for hair growth. I once had someone argue with me that you could not speed up your hair growth, that it grew at a certain rate and that was it. They argued that by doing all the things I was doing, I was simply preventing damage and therefore making my hair look like it was growing faster when in reality I was simply reducing damage and thus giving it the appearance of faster growth. She made a fair point. Either way, here is my list of items to improve the health of your hair and possibly increase its growth as well. It may not have been growing faster, but it sure felt like it and made the journey that much easier.

1. Eat well and drink water. We all know that we are what we eat. If you eat junk, you will feel like junk. The same goes for your hair and skin. They too need nutrients just as much as your organs do.
2. Exercise. Exercise increases blood flow throughout your body including your scalp which encourages hair growth. Eating well and drinking water, it is also just good for your overall health.
3. Good quality shampoo and conditioner. This is more of a personal choice, I am simply not a fan of the idea that the ingredients in my shampoo are also in my dish soap. I wash my roots and then condition my length. This became more important the longer my hair got. You see, depending on how often you brush your hair and thus distribute your natural oils down the length of your hair, your length is not getting very dirty and thus does not need as much washing. I simply let the soap run down my length. Same with conditioner, there is no need, at least for myself to condition my scalp. Conditioning is for adding moisture and helping to detangle. Unless you have a dry scalp and need extra moisture, you do not need to condition your scalp.
4. Leave-in–conditioner. This became important once my hair was reaching chest length. I have fine hair and am thus tangle-prone and it may have been a little dry at the time. So use a leave-in-conditioner. I put it in after my shower from my chin down the length of my hair and then let it air dry. Then two days later I would dampen my length with a spray bottle and reapply.
5. Do not wash your hair every day. You are stripping your hair of its natural oils of you was it every day. Yes, I know that some people have oily hair and need to wash it regularly. Maybe use dry shampoo instead. I spent my life washing my hair every other day and then in the last three years washing every four to six days. More on that later.
6. Hot oil treatments. My mixture is coconut oil, olive oil, and castor oil. Each oil has its special nutrients that are good for your hair and thus I mix them. Equal parts coconut oil and olive oil and then half of that of castor oil. Castor oil is thicker and thus harder to run through your hair. I find this ratio works nicely. Now, for years I thought that the oil was penetrating my hair shaft and was giving it nutrients from the outside in, then a hairdresser friend told me that the molecules of the oil are too big to get into the hair and act more like hand cream for your hair. Not gonna lie, this discovery rocked my world for a few days and I contemplated ending this activity and then thought about how dry my hands get in the winder and my need for hand cream and figured my hair needed the same treatment. I also have a special bonnet that attaches to my hairdryer at one end and the other to my head and I use it to warm my head and the oil once I have worked the oil into my roots and through the length of my hair. I was told that for your to get the most out of a hot oil treatment you want to add the heat to open up the pores on your head and allow the oil to penetrate your scalp.
7. Do not brush wet hair. Wet hair is brittle and thus prone to breakage if you brush it when it is wet. I use my fingers to untangle mine after a shower and then let it air dry. I also use a wide-tooth comb instead of a traditional hairbrush.
8. Do not use a regular towel on your hair. Use a microfiber towel or an old cotton t-shirt. The fibers on your regular bath towel pull on your hair causing damage, whereas a microfiber or cotton t-shirt simply absorbs the water. I use an old t-shirt.
9. No heat. Or at least minimal heat and use a heat protector when you do use heat. Air dry your hair when possible and reduce the amount of heat styling you use.
10. Good hair accessories. Do not use the hair elastics with the metal faster on them. Use the ones that are glued together. We all know the metal piece rips out our hair.
11. Satan nightcap. I spent a lot of time going back and forth on this item. I was not sure if it was necessary for me. Satan and silk bonnets are marketed towards curly hair and African American people. I am neither. For African Americans, it keeps their hair from drying out. For curly hair women, it keeps their curls intact. For me, it keeps my hair in place and keeps it from getting tangled in my sleep. After a week or so of wearing mine, I realized it was also keeping my hair cleaner longer, and thus how I went from washing every two days to every four or five. You see, I braid my hair and then put my cap on before bed. In the morning my hair looks like it did when I went to sleep and therefore there is no need to handle my hair and style it for the day. The more you handle your hair the dirtier it gets.
12. Trim split ends. I keep a pair of hair-cutting scissors nearby and whenever I see a split end I simply cut it off.

There you have it, friends, these are all the things that I do regularly that have encouraged my hair to be strong, healthy, and “grow faster”. I hope that if you are on a similar hair journey that I was on these tips and tricks will help you to achieve your goals as well. Because no matter how big, small, or “weird” they are, your goals are important and you should work hard at achieving them and then be proud when you do.

God Bless

~Hannah

                                   I did a little personal photoshoot to celebrate this milestone.