When God Changes Your Heart, But Not Your Circumstances.

    I recently discovered a new podcast. Cultivate with Kelly Minter. In one of her first episodes, she talks about the story of Hannah in 1st Samuel 1. I was interested to see what Kelly Minter's perspective was on this story. I have always looked at this story of a praying woman whose desire was to have children, but she was barren. She asked God to bless her with a child, and He did after years of waiting.

    Kelly Minter's perspective was different, and I so appreciated it. "For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart." Hebrews 4:12. I love watching and reading as the Lord reveals different things to be from the same passages I have read many times over the years. Her perspective was that Hannah's circumstances did not change, but her heart did. 1st Samuel 1:12-18. In this passage, Hannah desperately cries out to God to change her circumstances and give her the desire of her heart, a child. Later in the story, God does bless her with a child, but in this "scene," Hannah cries out to God. She is praying with such passion. She is praying in her heart but mouthing words. So her mouth is moving, but no sound is coming out. Eli the priest mistakes Hannah's prayer for drunken behaviour and rebukes her. She explains that she is simply praying. Eli encourages her and says, "Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of him." 1 Samuel 1:17. Hannah then gets up and goes in peace and eats. Kelly Minter reminds us in her podcast that the act of eating food was a part of celebrating. Meaning that Hannah was no longer sad but willing to be refreshed with good food and encouraged that God would answer her prayer. God had not yet changed her circumstances, but He had changed her heart. Just like He did mine.

    When I first listened to this episode, I looked at the passage and enjoyed another person's perspective. I started writing a journal post about it, but then hit a wall and could not get the words on paper.

A few days later, God showed me how this story reflected me or better yet, how I reflected it. Because, like Hannah in the Bible, God changed my heart too. Since I was a child, I wanted to be a mom. I wanted to have my own children. My husband also shared this desire. We knew we were not ready for them when we first got married. We both still had and have schooling to complete, and careers to enter, and we wanted to own a house and not rent an apartment before children entered our picture. All respectable goals.

    Over the years, our desires for children have changed, but of course, not at the same time or on the same side. Causing this to be a delicate topic for us for a long time.

    A year ago, hubby came to me and told me a reason why he didn't want to have children anymore. A reason that I appreciated and respected and caused me to fall more in love with my hubby. My heart as a wife was onboard, but my heart as a woman was not quite there yet. Thankfully at the time I was also in counselling and worked through it, and I have. We have put a lot of work into our marriage over the last year and are thrilled with the progress and happy with being a family of three with Blessing.

    A few weeks ago I went to my hubby and told him that I no longer wanted children and that I am thrilled about where we are in our life. We are working towards getting hubby back into school so that he can get into his career, and after that, I will finish my degree. By then we will be a little old (in our opinion) for having babies, and we are happy with that. We may adopt one day if God puts that desire back in our hearts when we have completed these other goals. For now, though, we are happy. 

    For a few days, after we talked and decided to not have children, it felt like a weight was being lifted off my shoulders. Not a heavy one, just a small five-pound one. I started noticing that instead of worrying about being a mom one day I was able to focus on myself a little more and what I like and who I want to be. I was no longer worrying about when we would have children. It's funny how you can spend years with one particular desire in your heart. Then God changes it, takes it away, and you are even happier.

    So, while I was sanding away at work one day, thinking about the podcast episode, God reminded me of hubby's and my conversation in our kitchen and Him changing my heart on the topic. He hadn't changed our circumstances yet. We still aren't "ready" for children, but He has changed my heart.

    I pray this post finds you well on this bright Sunday evening friend, and blesses you in whatever way you need today.

God Bless

~Hannah

Sunset at Mitchell's Bay

Sitting With Your Emotions

    After receiving some exciting and heartbreaking news a few nights ago, I was both excited and sad. I spent the evening crying and upset. I went to bed and figured I would wake up in the morning fine, but I wasn't. I felt just as upset as I was the night before. I was confused by my emotions and tried to distract myself from them all day at work. Unfortunately, that didn't work either. So, after work, I decided to journal through them and see if any other emotions were hiding in my subconscious that would come out through journaling. I was surprised to see/feel that no other emotion was in the background.

    I also expected that even though I was upset, I figured I would be okay as the day went on. But no, emotions were still raw when I got off work. For the most part, if I wake up upset, by lunchtime I have "calmed down" and feel like my "normal" self again. Looking back, clearly, Holy Spirit wanted to teach me this valuable lesson. Thank you, Holy Spirit.

    So, I sat down and journaled out my feelings. After I was done I was a little upset, but much better than before. Nothing had changed, of course, nor did I expect anything to change. That is regarding the circumstances that caused the emotions. I just wanted to understand why I was feeling what I was feeling and if there was anything else under the surface that needed to come up. 

    Through this experience, Holy Spirit taught me the value of sitting with your emotions. We need to give our hearts, minds, souls, and bodies time and space to process emotions. This practice will hopefully allow us to digest our feelings correctly. For some this practice may seem odd and unnecessary, and to others, like myself, scary. You see, despite not liking emotions because they are messy, I am a rather emotional person. I know that God created emotions for our benefit, but I still do not like them.

    This experience reminded me of a practice that my hubby told me about recently that he learned from a YouTuber/psychotherapist. The practice is about turning away from your screens and facing a blank wall. Uncomfortable at first for sure. After a few minutes, your brain/subconcious will bring up the uncomfortable emotions and feelings that you have been repressing and force you to process them. For many, we suppress our emotions by pulling out our phones and other such devices and aimless scroll, and push the negative emotions down as far as we can. By putting your phone and any other device that is distracting you, and staring at a wall, it forces your brain to process the emotions going on inside of you instead of simply consuming the content of your screen.

    My point in all this is that there are a variety of different ways to sit with and process your emotions, and these two work for us. Some people like to think through their emotions while on a walk or a drive. I once had a professor who said that she had an hour-long commute each way to our school, and on her drive to school was her prayer time, and on the way home, the first half hour was for processing her day and then praying afterward.

    The moral of the story is as stated before that emotions are good. They tell us how we are doing, and if we need to make adjustments. They are not a weakness to overcome although they do at times need to be mastered. As much as we need to listen to them and allow them to show us what/how we are feeling, we need to make sure we stay in control of them and not let them run free. Every emotion has its place and time, and it's our job to make sure they are in their correct place. Because emotions change. The circumstances that bring about the emotion may not change, but when a situation does upset us regardless of whether we can change the circumstance, we can change our emotions.

    We mustn't simply stuff them down in our gut and pretend they do not exist. Because eventually, whether you are an explosive person or not, they will come out. A practice I often forget. I have gotten better at venting the big things to my hubby, and now I am working on the little things. When I got the news, I told him about it. Didn't fully explain it, mind you. Because I didn't fully understand them, but I tried. What I have gotten better at is sharing my stress and frustration with him. A couple of weeks ago, we had a lot going on, and I was feeling a little stressed, overwhelmed and frustrated. All the "stressors" were smaller items, but they added up. We were out for a drive, and I told him about what was stressing me out and frustrating me. Neither of us could fix the "problems," nor did we want to. They were simply just things that had to be done or gone through, and then the stress would be over. I remember sitting in the car and venting to hubby and saying that even though I felt ridiculous for sharing such "simple" things, I wanted to practice venting more so as not explode later. He thanked me, and we moved on. None of the things were bad, they were just adult-life problems that we had to go through, and I didn't need or want him to fix anything. I just needed to share my burden with him.

    So friend, don't let your emotions get the better of you. Don't yell at the undeserving bystander next to you. Find the method that works best for you and use it.

I pray this post finds you well and blesses you in whatever way you need.

God Bless

~Hannah

Blessing and I at Point Pelee National Park last weekend. My parents came for a visit and we decided we needed to visit the most southern point of Canada. An hr drive from our current home.

What do you love about your life?

   With all the negativity around us these days and social media encouraging us to compare ourselves to the "Joneses" next door, I think it is all the more important to stop and ask yourself what you love about your life.

    I love the Lord and my ever-growing relationship with my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I am so thankful that God thought I was worth sending His one and only son to the cross to die on my behalf and take away my sins.

    I love my husband. I love that we are working hard at growing through some personal issues that have beautifully overflowed into our marriage, and we are now stronger than ever. We spent years fighting each other and have finally learned how to start fighting for each other, and now we have a beautiful, healthy marriage that can only get stronger.

    I love my dog. Before we brought her home, before we even saw her picture I prayed and asked God about her name and, He said, "Blessing." She has been a blessing to us ever since.

    I love that even though my hubby and I are so different, we use these differences for our benefit. Every Sunday morning in church, I chuckle as my hubby pulls out his phone, and I get out my Bible as we follow along with the passage our pastor is speaking on that morning. Hubby prefers his Bible app, and I prefer my physical copy.

   I love my work ethic and the advantages God has given me through it. I am learning the difference between being a work acholic and a hard worker and learning that I do not need to or should give my employer every ounce of my energy to be a good employee. I use to give my employer all my energy leaving nothing for myself or my family. I have since learned of the damage that caused.

    I love that my hubby picks me up from work every day and brings Blessing along for the ride. His hours at work will be changing for the better in a few weeks, which is also a blessing, but I will miss seeing him in the parking lot.

    I love and am grateful for my health and the body that God gave to me.

    I love relaxing with a good book or my journal.

    I love photography and the things that it has taught me. I love exploring with my camera and taking Blessing on photography adventures.

    I love walking and chocolate. I have also learned to stop apologizing for the amount that I eat. I enjoy eating healthy and living a reasonably balanced healthy life as possible. Chocolate brings that balance.

    I love podcasts. For a long time, I only listened to faith-based ones such as "She Reads Truth" and "Proverbs 31 Ministries." In the last few months, I have branched out and started listening to podcasts on a variety of other topics and learning lots of things about topics that are close to my heart. Including one on ADHD. It has given me a window into my hubby's brain. It has helped me to give him grace and realize that his "annoying" characteristics are not him, but his ADHD. We have known about his ADHD for a long time, but God gave me the desire to learn about it recently allowing me to be a better "helper" to my hubby. Genesis 2:18 "The Lord god said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." This has also changed our marriage.

    I regularly describe my lifestyle to people as having the life of an 80-year-old because I do not go out much, particularly to bars and such, and I love to be in bed by 7 with my book. For a long time, I felt like I was "apologizing" for living my life the way that I do, but then I realized that I have nothing to apologize for. Hubby, Blessing, and I enjoy our quiet life.

    I also love that my confidence in my physical appearance and who I am as a daughter of King Jesus has been on the rise and it feels amazing. I have a long way to go and some days I take one step forward and the two steps backwards. Thankfully growth is not linear.

What do you love about your life friend?

I pray that this post finds you refreshed on this beautiful Sunday evening and blesses you as it does me.

God Bless

~Hannah

A beautiful day for a walk.

Lessons From Scripture

    One lesson I learned from scripture this week is... Another journal prompt from Pinterest.

    Last week as I was entering my Bible reading time, I asked God to teach me something new.

    He showed and reminded me that there were many bad kings throughout the centuries who did terrible and unthinkable things. He showed me how old some of the kings were when they came into power. When I read these statements, all I could think was, "Wow, so much responsibility at such as young age."

    Back to my first thought, though, as I read about these bad kings and all the things they did, including leading their children away from the Lord. I was reminded of all the bad rulers we have had over the years, and it gave me comfort to see and be reminded, that even though it's awful to have bad rulers, it's all in God's hands and that this is nothing new to God. Meaning that not only does this not surprise God, but He already knows how He will handle them. While it does suck to live under crappy rulers, we need to remember that God is in control and that all we need to do is follow after Him and pray for our leaders.

    An evangelist came to our church last week and made the statement that even if you do not agree with the political party that someone is involved with, we need to view them as a "soul" and pray for them anyways. Meaning we are to think of them as a person and not a politician, especially if they are part of a party that we do not agree with. The evangelist was right . We need to put our political opinions aside and pray for our leaders.

    A few days later, I prayed the same prayer as I entered my morning quiet time. That time God reminded me that there are lots of people in the Bible who have gone through the same or at least similar struggles and situations that I have gone through and my loved ones around me. Meaning, that again, there is nothing new under the sun, I am not alone, and best of all, God is at work. Even when you do not see or feel it. Going through the valleys of life is never fun, but it is certainly encouraging to remember that I am not alone in whatever struggles that life tried to through my way.

    It's funny. Over the years, I have heard unbelievers and skeptics try and say that the Bible is outdated and not for today. I believe that they hold this view because either they do not want to believe the Word of God and all that God has for us in His Word or because they are not digging into The Word of God and are simply looking at it from an areal view vs an in-depth personal study of what happened to the people in the Bible and what their relationship with God looked like. Yes, the Bible was written a very long time ago in a different country with different social customs, but the message is still the same as yesterday, today and forever.

I pray this post finds you well on this beautiful Saturday and blesses you in whatever way you need today.

Happy Saturday, friend.

God Bless

~Hannah