The topic of children has been a sensitive topic in our home since day one. We have flip-flopped between wanting and not wanting them. We have always known that logistically we are not ready to have children. We have also known for years that we were not mature enough to have them. Hubby is now mature enough, but I still have some growth to tackle.
We brought Blessing home five years ago and love being her parents. In many ways, she is our kid and has helped show us what our parenting styles will be when we have children. I've wanted to be a mother since I was a little girl, and Blessing has done a beautiful job of playing the role of my little girl.
Recently, hubby and I have had a few opportunities to go out for a day or afternoon and enjoy time together simply as a married couple and not as a family/parents to Blessing. It has been a blessing to go out with just the two of us and enjoy being husband and wife, for the first number of years of our marriage things were rough. We were young and had lots of growing up to do, so we didn't enjoy our marriage. Fast forward a few years, we both grew up and worked through some therapy and here we are now. I am heading back into therapy this fall and will continue working on my problems, including more growing up. We are now more in love than ever and enjoying our marriage. Yes, like every couple, we still have our bad days.
One of our recent hesitations in having children has been the coming of the end times. Mark 13:17 "How dreadful it will be in those days for pregnant woman and nursing mothers!" In Mark chapter 13, Jesus is talking to his disciples about the end times and what will happen. Hubby and I believe the end times are on their way and thus are hesitant to have children. It will still be a few years before we have them anyway because hubby is returning to school next year and I will continue working while he is in school, so kids do not make sense.
Last Sunday on our drive to church I told hubby that I was not ready to have kids. I'm the one who has done the most pushing on this topic from day one. And like I mentioned earlier, I've wanted to be a mom since I was five. So for me to say that I'm not ready is a big deal. Hubby breathed a sigh of relief when I told him. Because even though he now wants kids, he doesn't feel that it's right to have them in the end times but didn't want to get my hopes up and then knock them back down again. My reasoning for not wanting them at this time is that we have been enjoying our time together as husband and wife and I don't want to add to that. By no means am I saying that children are a burden or anything. They are a blessing and a gift from God. But they are still not for everyone.
The reason why I am sharing this is to encourage young women and maybe a few young men (based on my knowledge of who reads my blog) that it's okay to not want children. Society puts a lot of pressure on young people and women especially to have children. As soon as you get married you are expected to have children. And if God has put that desire on your heart that is wonderful. But if He hasn't. God bless you too. Or if you want them but you know it's not the right time, that's cool too. But it's okay to get married and enjoy your life together. Whether that be for a few years or forever. There is no guilt or shame in not having children. Or in not wanting them. I used to be the woman who would get jealous and cry whenever a woman announced a pregnancy. I have since grown in that area and now get excited and sometimes shed a tear of joy for that woman when she announces her pregnancy.
Anyways, ladies. I want to encourage you that it's okay to either not want children now or maybe even ever. You are not alone. Also, when people ask you when you are going to start your family, tell them you did, on your wedding day. Children don't make you a family, your marriage license and covenant with God makes you a family. Children are simply adding to the family. I love you and am praying for you.
I pray this message encourages and blesses you today friend.
God Bless
~Hannah
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