My God Given Value.

    For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with my worth; and have based my value on my ability to produce. Whether that's at work, and doing my best to work as hard and fast as possible. Or at home and the need to be busy, because Heaven forbid I sit down and watch TV when there are dishes to be done.

    As you can imagine, the enemy has been using this against me for many years. He loves to tell me the lie that I'm not worth it, especially when it comes to spending a few dollars on myself.

    My loving husband pointed out recently that this mindset has bled into my convictions of my salvation, which means that he tries to tell me that I'm not saved. I followed my mother in her walk with the Lord as a child and then took it on as my own in my teenage years. I am well aware that my salvation is a free gift from God and that all He asks is that I follow Jesus. Yes, we do work out our salvation but we don't have to work for it. And that is the key.

    Even with this knowledge, the enemy tries to tell me every week at church when the pastor makes an altar call. As you can imagine it's getting a little annoying, hearing the enemy of my soul tell me week in and week out that I'm not saved. And of course, I start questioning myself again. One day a few months ago during the altar call the pastor encouraged us that the enemy would try to convince you that you are not saved. I felt so relieved and encouraged that morning. I don't remember the sermon that day, but I remember that moment.

    Every so often I get depressive episodes where I spend the day feeling low and the enemy yells loudly that I have no value or worth. Praise the Lord these days have become fewer and further apart. I always think to myself that I should write down a bunch of Bible verses for those bad days so that when they do come I am prepared with Scripture. After a recent bad day a few weeks ago, I finally sat down and wrote out some verses. The one that the Holy Spirit used in a new and fresh way was Psalms 139:14 "I will praise You, for I am fearfully & wonderfully made Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well." I have been clinging to this verse ever since. I spent a day or two trying to decide what method to use to keep this verse on /near me at all times. My first thought was to get a tattoo. But I wasn't sold on that idea. I'm pro tattoo and have two of my own, but I wasn't sold on the sound of this idea. A day or two later I was praying about it at work and the Holy Spirit said, "Charm bracelet" I haven't been a bracelet person in years. I don't like the sound they make when they hit a table or laptop. So I don't wear them. But, when the Holy Spirit said "Charm Bracelet," I thought, "Perfect." So I went to Amazon and found a bracelet and a charm that says "Fearfully and Wonderfully Made."

    Through the help of my therapist, my loving hubby and God I have been working on my self-worth. This past week at church when the pastor made the altar call, instead of hearing the enemy's voice and questioning my salvation, I felt peace, and it was amazing. And instead of anxiously waiting for it to be finished, I just prayed and worshiped God.

    I'm sharing this today because I want to encourage anyone who has gone through the same experience or something similar. I want to encourage you that you are not alone and assuming that you did accept Jesus into your heart, repent from your sins and believe that God is who He says He is, then you are saved. If I can and it's the right time, I want to save you from years of agony and mental torture.

    I also recently did a Facebook and Instagram fast for just over a month. I also minimized my time on Pinterest. I returned to Instagram and briefly scrolled for a few minutes a couple of times. I don't have the same addiction problems with Instagram that I have with Facebook, so taking time off of it and now returning to it isn't a big deal. Facebook on the other hand was a solid addiction. But with God's help, I have conquered that addiction. I decided that after my fast from Facebook was over my plan going forward would be to log onto Facebook on days when I had a blog to post. This post was journaled but not typed up yet on Saturday. I wanted to log onto Facebook, but my post wasn't finished. I then stopped in my tracks and told myself that I did not have to "earn" my time on Facebook by posting a blog and could log on simply because I wanted to. So I sat down, logged on and hung out for 20 minutes. Then got off and felt fine. It's now Sunday evening and I can honestly say that  I have beaten my addiction and anticipate my usage to be much more respectful and reasonable going forward. I'm sharing this with you because I didn't expect the enemy to tell me that I had to earn time on social media and was able to recognize the lie and defeat it.

I pray this encourages and strengthens you today, friend. You have value, and you are worth it, in Christ.

God Bless

~Hannah

31 Things I'm Thankful For.

 In honour of my birthday, I decided to sit down and write a list of things I'm thankful for.

1. My Heavenly Father and all that He has given me.
2. My hubby. God knew exactly what I would need when He created him.
3. Blessing. My four-legged best friend. My photography and walking partner and so much more.
4. My therapist and the work God is using her to help me do. We have only had a few sessions, but I can already feel the progress, and I'm loving it.
5. My job and coworkers.
6. My two best friends.
7. The beautiful fall colours. For many years my favourite season was summer because of the warm weather and sun dresses. Over the last few years, it has changed to fall. As a photographer, I love taking pictures of the colours, and as a bonus, my birthday is in the fall.
8. My camera. To capture all of God's creation and to grow in my photography skills.
9. Pink pens and my journal to process life.
10. The freedom to publically practice my faith.
11. A roof over my head.
12. The colour pink.
13. My health.
14. Gel Nail polish
15. My sewing machine
16. My loving family, both near and far away.
17. Food to eat.
18. My balcony
19. My dishwasher
20. Electricity
21. Hot water
22. The doctors who thoroughly examined my hubby emerged recently. Yes, he is fine now. The standard blood and other such tests were not helpful, so they ordered x-rats and a CT scan and finally figured out the problem.
23. My late grandmother's chocolate zucchini recipe.
24. A full fun pretty wardrobe.
25. Our church. We have a great pastor, worship team and many other things.
26. Our young adults group through our church.
27. My developing cooking skills. I don't love to cook, but I am continuing to grow in this area.
28. My hubby's weight loss/health journey.
29. Milk Chocolate.
30. My blog and readers whom I get to bless.
31. Another year.

Here's to 31 and all that God has in store for me.

God Bless

~Hannah

Feeling blessed to capture His creation.

Next Step

    "Next Step" has been God's word to hubby and me recently as we are navigating this season of life and planning for the next season. For me, it means working through therapy, which has begun and for hubby, his grade 12 English upgrade.

    From new ministry opportunities for both of us at our church to the possibility of bringing home another dog, every time we pray over the next thing that comes up, God keeps saying, "Next Step." For now, He wants us to focus on the here and now and not work on planning for the future.

    It has been a struggle, to be honest. I'm a planner, so I'm always thinking about and planning the next thing. Maybe God is using this season to help me be more present in the moment and enjoy this season of our lives. Because, in reality, the things we have and the actions/activities we are involved in are things we once prayed for. I suspect we are all guilty of that mindset from time to time. Pray about something, plan and prepare for it, get it and then instead of enjoying it when it happens and thanking God for it, we start all over again and look for the next thing. Or is that just me?

    Thank you, Lord, for this season. Thank you for my new therapist and the progress we are making. Thank you for helping hubby finish the grade 11 English with flying colours. I pray that you will continue to help him through this grade 12 course. I pray that you would bless all who read this post and encourage them as they walk in step with you. Amen.

God Bless

~Hannah

Sitting in and enjoying this season of life. Or at least trying to. 😉

Stop Wishing Your Day Away.

    Many of us spend our workday watching the clock, waiting to go home. Or is that just me? Not just me? Okay, good. We do this even if we like our jobs.

    Yesterday, I was back in the primer booth, my favourite spot in the building. I haven't spent any real time there in ages because I have been training in the paint booth learning base and clear coat, which have been fun in their respects. But it was good to be back in my spot. By myself with an earbud in my ear listening to podcasts all day, heaven on earth as far as my workplace is concerned.

    But I was still watching the clock waiting for break time and so on. Out of habit, I suppose. A coworker encouraged me a few weeks ago to not wish my day away. She's right of course. You shouldn't spend your time waiting for the next day or the next big thing to happen. You should enjoy each day and each moment as it comes as much as possible. While I was in the primer booth, I went to check my watch and had to stop myself and remind myself to enjoy my day. I was in my booth listening to a podcast, what more could a girl ask for while working in a factory? Answer, not much. I thurally enjoy listening to podcasts, but in the primer booth is my only real opportunity to listen to them. We can't have earbuds in any other place in the building for safety reasons and I don't have much time or the ability to concentrate and listen to them in any other area of my life. Anyway, I'm not complaining, I'm just excited to have a day in the primer booth.

    I realized that even though I'm looking forward to going home at the end of the day and seeing my family, it doesn't mean that I can't enjoy my work day and be thankful for all the things God has given me and done for me. We aren't going to love every day at work, just like we won't love every day at home. But we can enjoy the majority of them and not spend our days watching the clock in anticipation of going home or doing something else. Plus, there is a good chance that you prayed for the job that you now have and therefore should be thanking God for answering that prayer instead of wanting to go home. It is a blessing to go home to a loving family, and a blessing to go to work every day. Both of which I am thankful for. So I'm going to start working on enjoying the moment more and not spending my days watching the clock while at work.

    How about you friend? Are you a clock watcher too?

    I pray this encourages and blesses you today on this Thanksgiving Monday. Hubby and I travelled up north to quickly visit my side of the family for the weekend and are now resting today to recover from all of the excitement from the weekend and in anticipation of returning to work tomorrow.

God Bless

~Hannah

Kivi Park, Sudbury, ON

Gel Nail Polish

    At the beginning of the year, I decided I was done with traditional generic nail polish. You spend an hour doing your nails only to have the polish chip in a day or two. I'm also not the girl to get her nails done at the salon. I started researching my options—gel vs Shalac. I landed on the gel. I went to Amazon and purchased a kit with everything I needed. Or so I thought. I tried it out and liked it. Soon after though, I noticed that the colour still wasn't lasting. The polish would peel off my nails a few days later.

    Eventually, through the summer I talked to a handful of people about it, including my mom's pedicurist. I discovered I needed to use a primer or a dehydrator on my nails before using a base coat. Mom's pedicurist told me that there was likely still oil in my nails, causing the polish to come off. She showed me the primer she uses and mentioned using rubbing alcohol as well before applying the base coat.

    I eventually went to Sally's Beauty to get the rest of the supplies. Before going I went on Google and double-checked what product I needed. I was under the impression that primer and dehydrator were the same thing. FYI, they aren't. I ended up walking out of Sally's Beauty with the dehydrator. Then I got home and realized that dehydrator is simply fancy rubbing alcohol and that I actually wanted primer and not dehydrator. I'm a little disappointed in Sally's Beauty. They had the perfect opportunity to upsell me on both products, but they didn't. They respected what I thought I needed and that was it. Basically, I'm thankful that they weren't pushy and at the same time wish they had been.

    On the following Monday, a coworker suggested that I just use the dehydrator and forget about the primer and see if the dehydrator would be enough. Friend, it worked. It has now been almost two full weeks and the polish is still on. My nails have grown a bit and are ready to be redone, but the polish is intact. I also struggle with brittle nails that break easily. One of the people I talked with also went to school for nails and said that doing my nails at home or at the salon would be good for them because the hard layer of gel will give my nails strength. A shield in a sense. Someone once told me that painting your nails was bad because it suffocates them and they cannot breathe. I don't know if they were correct or not. All I know is that my nails still grew while I had the gel on which suggests that they are just fine.

    I'm going to take off the polish tonight (Friday) and then when I do a hot oil treatment for my hair in the morning I will give my nails the same treatment before I give myself another manicure Saturday morning. My next step will be to work on perfecting my polish application. I tend to be a little sloppy with the nail polish brush. So I need to practice doing that better.

    I wanted to share all of this with you because I was excited to finally have answers for all my nail problems and I want to share that with you and potentially solve you nail polish problems too. And now it is time to watch my nails grow to the length I want them and in theory maintain that length with the help of regular gel manicures.

God Bless

~Hannah