Whether we are willing to admit to it or not, we all have insecurities. Some people have insecurities about their bodies or a skill set that they either don't have or don't have enough of, and some have both. The one that I'm going to open up about today is my "high/tall" forehead. I have spent years thinking that I had a high forehead. From the wrong angle, and if my hair is tied back I look bald. Also, because I'm pale and blonde, my hairline is not necessarily as apparent as someone with more contrast between the two. Yes, I know, first-world problems. Either way, it's something I struggle with. So I have been hiding my high forehead behind bangs for years. For most of that time, I have loved my bangs. At one point my favourite way to wear my hair was a high bun with my blunt bangs curled up a bit. But it's time to face this insecurity, stop hiding behind my bangs and grow them out.
I'm still styling them accordingly until they grow out. They have just reached the "in my eyeballs" phase. Yes, I could just pin them back while they grow out, but I don't want to change the direction of my hairline quite yet. Plus I prefer the look of simply pushing them to the side as they grow vs pinning them back.
When I first made the decision I thought about changing the style of bang. Leave my blunt bangs behind and go back to a side-swept bang. A style that I have always loved but never really worked on me. I thought that I would give them another try. A few days later I decided that wouldn't be the right decision either, because I would still be hiding behind my bangs and not working through my insecurities. A big reason for working through this insecurity and why I'm sharing it is because I desire to be a godly role model for the next generation of young girls and women. Part of that means being honest about the things that I struggle with and telling/showing the people around me, girls and young women in particular what God is doing in my life.
I once had a family member who is on the heavier side comment on being insecure about their body. They then said something about how it must be easier to be smaller and have fewer insecurities. Or something along those lines. I don't recall the exact words. All I remember is almost laughing out loud and telling this person that I too, despite being the size and shape that many women want to be, have insecurities. This person was surprised.
Shortly after deciding to grow out my bangs, I found a new style called "curtain bangs." I have since fallen in love with this style. They are the best of both worlds. They still give me a bang, but they don't hide my forehead.
I told my therapist about this during my last session and she told me something she learned in art class. That our eyes are the middle of our head and not the top like so many including myself thought. She said that the distance from the top of my head to my eyes was the same as my chin up to my eyes. This was of great encouragement. She also taught me that if I had a shorter forehead then it would mean that my frontal lobe would not be properly developed and I wouldn't be able to process certain things properly. Meaning that it was good that I had a normal forehead. Which was also helpful. She encouraged me through my insecurities and explained that there was nothing to be insecure about.
Between my loving husband and part of the message this morning in church I have been reminded to look to the Word of God first for answers and not the world around me or the voice in my head. I am to go to the Word of God first and allow His Word to interpret how I view myself vs what the world/my inner critic has told me. God's Word says that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:13-14 NIV. God created me beautifully and uniquely and it's my job to accept that. Something I have struggled to believe for a very long time and something I may struggle with from time to time in the future.
When I journaled this post a few days ago, this last paragraph was not a part of the original draft, which does happen sometimes. But tonight I was thinking about this post that was nearly ready to be published and looking at it through the lens of the message in church this morning and of the importance of going to God's Word first. I'm sharing all this now to show that I'm not perfect and that I need to practice going to God's Word first more over external sources. Which have their place, but not before the Word of God. Because he is my ultimate source and because of the fall I am a sinful human being.
Anyway, I pray that this encourages you as you process with God any insecurities you are facing and not to feel bad, silly, etc about the insecurities you are facing. I tend to land in the camp of thinking that my insecurities, especially this one are ridiculous and don't matter in the grand scheme of things. But, if they matter to me, then they matter to God.
God Bless
~Hannah
.jpg)
No comments:
Post a Comment