No Man's Land

    Hubby and I just entered a season of unknowns. Our plans just got flipped upside down, but it's okay. We are praying and waiting for answers.

    So last year hubby felt God call him back to school. He already knew he wanted to go for video game design. So he looked up some schools and found Brock University. We scheduled a tour with them and then with Niagara College because the theory is done at Brock and the practical is at Niagara. After each visit, we got into our car and hubby told me he had dreamed about these places years ago. We took that as a sign that we were on the right track. Hubby started looking into the application process and discovered that they wanted him to have his grade 12 university-level English. He has college-level English. So he looked into upgrading. The company he picked required him to do grade 11 English as well. So he signed up and started the grade 11 course. He worked hard, God blessed him and it went well. Then he signed up for the grade 12 course. It didn't go very well. But he was doing his absolute best. His teacher was critical and a hard marker. Even when hubby made the changes the teacher suggested it still wasn't good enough for the teacher. He also discovered that other people had issues with this teacher in the past.

    We were praying and asking for help with this course. Just like we had from the beginning of the grade 11 course. But, it kept getting worse and the deadline to finish the course was approaching. Hubby was fighting hard to complete the work but was still struggling to make progress. Every spare minute he had, including weekends, he was putting into the course. We were praying together and separately.

    Finally one morning I was setting up my primer booth and fiercely praying and asking God for guidance, strength and help. I think I said, "You told him to do this." God then answered, and said, "Did I tell you to do that?" (This is the same line God used to tell hubby something else a few weeks prior, so it was now familiar to us) My next thought was "Oh, no you don't." I'm not a fan of God giving me messages for hubby. I get worried that I may have heard wrong and don't want to give him the wrong message by accident. We have since come to love when God gives me a message for him. So when hubby picked me up from work, I told him I thought God had told me. To quit the English course. He is momentarily relieved and then skeptical. He didn't expect that God would give him the answer he wanted. We spend the evening excited and skeptical. The next morning after I read my Bible I started praying again over our situation. I heard God say "I already to you." This is something He has told me in the past when I have wanted Him to reconfirm something. I shared this new information while we ate breakfast and determined that hubby would cancel his English course that morning. This meant that hubby would not be applying to Brock and we would no longer be moving. Or at least not yet.

    We have no idea what God's plan for our life is in this next season. We are doing our best to take it one day at a time and are earnestly seeking God and His will. This is funny because that is exactly what believers are called to do in the first place. Believers are called to live one day at a time and earnestly seek God and His will for our lives.

    Hubby is working hard at fasting and losing weight for his health and for surfing and I'm digging more into my hobbies. I wasn't very active in them for a bit but now I am. Life is good. Yes, we have no idea what is next, but we are doing well. The first few days felt rocky and unsure, but we are settling into this season and still pressing into God and asking Him for direction.

    God used this experience to convict and help me change the way I pray over hubby. At first, I was praying with him over the course simply to make it go away. Then the weekend before God gave us our answer, God told me I wasn't praying for hubby with the right heart motion. I was praying to make the problem go away, not out of compassion. Now I pray out of compassion. Or at least more so than before. 

    Needless to say, it's been an interesting few weeks. We went from struggling to complete the course and get the grade that Brock required of him to cancelling the course, taking a step back and saying, "Okay, now what?

    The moral of the story, seek God in all that you do. Seek Him in every step you take. Even if you believe the steps you are taking are from Him. Seek Him always.

I pray this blesses, encourages, and challenges, etc, you today friend.

God Bless

~Hannah

Michell's Bay

Overcoming My Anorexic Mindset.

    I share this in order to encourage you that you are not alone. I have been battling an anorexic mindset for years. It started out slow and then grew and developed as the years went on. I also spent years denying that I had a problem. Partly because I confused symptoms of anorexia with other eating disorders. The symptom I was confusing was the one where you look in the mirror and think you are fat when you are not. I thought it was a symptom of anorexia, and because I don't struggle with that issue, I figured I didn't have anorexia. Add in a healthy dose of self-worth and self-esteem issues, and you get an unhealthy relationship with food and your body.

    It started in my late teens. I had the idea that if I didn't need the energy to complete a task or go out, I wouldn't bother eating. On the weekend, that is. During the week, I ate every meal.  Like most teenagers, I slept in on the weekend, and then by the time I was hungry, it would be lunchtime. As a child, I had hypoglycemia, so my mindset around that was 'eat to avoid fainting,' which is also the wrong mindset. We should eat because we are hungry and we enjoy food. Not simply to avoid fainting or any other health problem.

    As an adult, I have struggled with the mindset of needing to earn/deserve food. This is where the anorexic mindset really kicked in. Feeling like you have to earn your dinner or snack is really messed up.

    Finally, after spending years in denial, I googled the symptoms of anorexia and realized I do struggle with it. I then confessed to my hubby, who, of course, had known for years and had been trying to convince me of it. I didn't take it seriously until I told my therapist about it. As we started our session that day, she asked how I was doing, and I told her that hubby and I had a discussion about my anorexic mindset. I think I accidentally shocked her. She told me that it is a very serious mental health problem. She also told me that out of all the mental health problems, it leads to the most deaths. I had no idea. After that session, I started taking it much more seriously.

    One of my thoughts about food is that if I'm exhausted after work, then I don't want to eat because I don't have the energy. I do suffer the next day though. If I skip supper I'm very hungry before lunch the next day. Even with eating breakfast and snack. I also struggle with the idea that food is for nourishment and not pleasure. Its both.

    I started to get some good breakthroughs when I discovered that food gives you energy. I thought it was simply to satisfy a grumbling tummy. One night, after a particularly exhausting day at work, I had no energy. I ended up taking an afternoon nap. When I woke up, I made hubby some sausages in the air fryer for supper. Then I lay back down. I was so exhausted. I wanted more sleep and had no desire to make myself a sausage. But I couldn't go back to sleep. I was feeling over-tired and disoriented. I decided to make myself a sausage as well and see how I felt after. I was amazed that the sausage revived me, and all of a sudden, I was awake. That night ended up being a huge turning point for me. My perspective towards food started to change for the better.

    I started to adjust my diet. I like to eat healthy, and I thought I was doing fine. Of course, hubby and therapist knew better. I eat garden salads, fruit, chocolate and whatever I make for supper. I wasn't getting any protein and minimal carbs at lunch and needed to add some. I didn't think I needed any because my garden salad was filling me up. Or so I thought. I would have chicken strips on the side of my salad from time to time. Then I decided to add a piece of flatbread and make the whole thing into a wrap. So far, so good. I have put on a few healthy pounds that I needed.

    I still have my bad days. When I am hungry but don't want to eat. But they are fewer and further apart then before. Those are the days where my mindset is focused on deserving food verses simply needing it for both hunger and nourishment.

    If you struggle with anorexia or something similar, I pray this encourages you and that you get the help you need. If you don't struggle with it, then praise the Lord.

God Bless

~Hannah

Mitchell's Bay

The Sin Of Procrastination

    Last weekend, I procrastinated and didn't make my cake for the youth group dessert auction in time. On Saturday, I had my girlfriends over to sew one of the girls a dress. After we were done, I was tired and decided to make the cake later. I could have made it Friday night, but again, I decided it could wait.

    After my girlfriends left, I wanted some chocolate-covered strawberries. So I got my bag of chocolate chips out and confirmed that I had enough for the cake and my strawberries. I should have checked my zucchini as well, but didn't. I should have also baked the cake on Saturday afternoon. But I didn't.

    I decided that I would get up at the crack of dawn on Sunday and make the cake. In theory, it would have worked. But in reality, it didn't. On Sunday morning, I got up and started making it. I'm about to add the zucchini to the batter, only to find that it has gone bad. Okay, fine, put it on hold until Walmart opens and then run over and get another one. I checked and saw they opened up at 8 am on Sunday versus 7, like the rest of the week. The timeline would be cutting it close, but I figured it would work. It didn't. I ran to Walmart and back in 7 minutes. Turned on the oven and finished the batter. The pan I usually use for this cake is 11x15, and it takes an even 40 minutes to bake. The tin foil pan I purchased for the auction is 9x12. So a little smaller, which results in a deeper dish. It wasn't until it was in the oven that I remembered this detail and how it would affect baking time. I was already feeling stressed and bad before it went into the oven. As soon as I realized it would take longer, I felt even worse.

    I explained the situation to hubby and that we would be late for church. I kept checking on the cake, and it kept saying that it was nowhere near done. I'm now even more upset and feel defeated. Last year, I made the same cake for the auction, but fancier, and it didn't work out so well. I thought that if I stayed in my comfort zone and made this cake the usual way, it would work out, and I could properly enjoy donating it and bidding on a cake myself as well. But, yet again, it didn't work.

    I finally texted our senior high youth and young adults pastor and told him I could no longer donate a cake, but I would still donate towards the Overflow fund and help a student pay their way to the conference. The pastor said Thank you for the donation, and no problem about the cake.

    At this point, we are very late and will not be making it to church on time. I'm a hysterical mess and don't want to go anymore. Meanwhile, hubby is trying to decide what the best course of action is. I wanted to stay home and watch online. I didn't want to be around anyone. He is an incredible man of God and the leader of our home. He was torn between pleasing me and pleasing God, but quickly picked God and lovingly led me to church. Of which I am grateful. We left the cake at home and headed to church. I calmed down a few minutes down the road.

    As we drove down the road, I told hubby that I was going to write about the sin of procrastination. We agreed that the proper biblical word is laziness or slothfulness, but the principle still stood.

    Prior to leaving for church, I had already apologized and admitted to procrastinating. Hubby had watched a video a few days before this all happened about how procrastination was a sin because when we procrastinate, we are assuming that God will give us more time down the road to do the task, when in reality, we do not know when God will call us home.

    Long story short. It was a bad morning, and I learned a valuable lesson, and I will work hard to never repeat it again.

    As I was looking up scripture about being lazy, I also started to think about how the mistake I had made was also a lack of discipline, which is also a sin and has its own consequences. So, I will add discipline to my list of things to work on.

Laziness verses:

Proverbs 10:4 "Lazy hands make a man poor, but diligent hands bring wealth."

Proverbs 12:27 "The lazy man does not roast his game, but the diligent man prizes his possessions."

Hebrews 6:12 "We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised."

Discipline:

Proverbs 1:1-3" The proverbs of Solomon son of David, king of Isarel. For attaining wisdom and discipline; for understanding words of insight; for acquiring a disciplined and prudent like, doing what is right and just and fair;"

Proverbs 10:17 "He who heeds discipline shows the way to life, but whoever ignores correction leads others astray."

God doesn't want us to be lazy. He wants us to be disciplined. He wants us to do a good job and to get our work done ontime.

I pray this blesses and encourages you today, friend.

God Bless

~Hannah

One of my all time favourite pictures I have ever taken.

Girl Time

    I don't get out much. I work full-time and have a family whom I am blessed to love and take care of. I have a handful of friends, two of which I work with which makes it easy to spend time together. We spend our breaks at work together and get together occasionally outside of work. I've also made connections with some ladies from our church's young adults group. Along with a few interests and hobbies, I have a full life and am enjoying it.

    This past Saturday I arranged a coffee time with one of the ladies from our young adults group. We then received an invitation to a lady's praise and cardio session at church. Hosted by our young adult pastor's wife. We signed up, and upon arrival discovered a third lady from our young adults group at the praise and cardio event. We enjoyed each other's company during the workout. We then decided that the third lady should join the first one and me for our coffee chat. She happily joined. We talked for probably an hour and a half about life, faith and everything in between.

    One of the ladies is a new reader of my blog and mentioned that I hadn't posted in a while. I explained that I was going through some stuff. Of which I couldn't quite put words to, and therefore hadn't written recently. My therapist and I later worked through that stuff during our next session. With her help, I figured out the words to describe how I was feeling. I think I had writer's block. We were discussing prayer, and my struggles with praying for myself. God gave me a beak through over my issues with praying for myself. All of a sudden I wanted to write about praying for myself. As if the writer's block had been lifted. A few minutes later I wanted to write about the joy and the necessity of girl time. A weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I went home refreshed and exhausted from the workout but also filled up from the time of connection. I then went home and crashed. But in the process felt refreshed, rejuvenated and overall amazing. God is good and I'm going to be more intentional about getting out for girl time.

What about you friend, are you being intentional with girl time? If not, join me in practicing being more intentional with girl time.

I pray this post blesses and encourages you today, friend.

God Bless

~Hannah

Cup and Saucer Trail, Manitoulin Island