10 Things We Have Learned In 10 Years.

     In honour of our 10th wedding anniversary yesterday, (June 27th) I wanted to share 10 things God has taught us and helped us through the rough years and into the good years. I'm not here to brag or anything else. Simply here to share what we have learned. I am proud of us and praise God for the work that He has done in us. We don't have a perfect marriage, because there is no such thing. But ours is pretty great and we are more in love than we were on our wedding day.

1. Don't criticize your spouse in public. It's rude, disrespectful and awkward for everyone else. I spent several years doing this and was called out a handful of times for it. I have learned not to do it and for the most part, I am good at keeping my grievances with hubby between the two of us.
2. Sacrifice. Last Christmas I had a chance to practice the art of sacrifice. Hubby wanted to watch a bunch of Christmas movies by Christmas Eve. I did the math and discovered that we needed to watch one every day with two or three grace days in the mix over the course of two weeks. Long story short, it was exhausting but worth it. It was hard because our daily routine at the time left no time for me in the evenings which was hard. But that's how sacrifice works. You can read all about that in a previous blog post. Hubby also got really good at sacrificing in the last six months as well. His secret is doing that action for God and out of love for me.
3. Communication. Communication is vital to a strong and healthy marriage and as you may already know, it's about more than just the words that you use. It's how to say it and how your spouse hears it. We have learned to say, 'I know it's not what you intended, but this is what I just heard." It's about assuming the best in your spouse and reminding yourself that when they say something that hurts you, they likely didn't intend to hurt you.
4. Leadership and submission. Hubby didn't know how to lead and I didn't know how to submit. I also thought submission made you weak and had no desire to feel that way. As you might imagine that leads to chaos. God has since taught hubby how to lead and myself to submit and now we are rocking our respective roles.
5. Teasing. Hubby has spent the last 10 years teasing me and I have spent the last 9 1/2 years thinking he was trying to annoy/irritate me. God openedup my eyes and I saw the light and learned that his teasing was flirting all along. There is a lot more teasing and laughter in our home now and we love it.
6. Caretaker. From day one I have been a terrible nurse and cannot care for my hubby when he is sick. He has always been good at it but I never was. I think I wrote about this a while ago so I won't discuss it in detail.
7. Listening to hubby. We both struggle with pride and are both working on humility. For me, I think I'm always right and hubby is wrong. In reality, he is right more often than I am. One of the activities we enjoyed yesterday was mini-putting. We were hot and tired from the paddle boarding and everything else we had done that day. Hubby wanted to go mini putting and I wanted a nap. I decided to have a good attitude and go putting. Within a few minutes of playing, I had regained my energy and was having a blast. I looked at hubby and said, "You were right Sweetie. I guess I should listen to you more often." He responded with, "Finally, I've been waiting to hear that for 10 years." We had a good laugh and continued to build the best anniversary weekend yet.
8. Playing. We went down to the pool at our hotel today. I intended to read my book, and hubby wanted to swim. Not long after I decided to get into the pool and join him. At first, I decided I didn't want my hair getting wet but soon realized that by not fully submerging myself I was missing out on sharing a fun memory with my hubby and that I would regret it. I could wash my hair after and redo it. So I did, I got into the fun and we created another great memory to add to our life. I learned that there is a time to be serious and a time to play.
9. Serving each other with our strengths. We have always known that one of the reasons why God brought us together was because our strengths and weaknesses complement each other beautifully. Recently we have been using our strengths to serve each other in new ways. So hubby is an introvert and only has so much energy for people. That being said, he is working hard at being more social. So on days when we want to eat out, but want a healthier option than a drive-thru burger, but hubby doesn't have the energy to talk to the people in Subway, I will go into Subway and order on both our behalves. It's a gesture that I am happy to do and he is thrilled to receive it. Hubby serves me by making sure that I don't put myself down and checks in to make sure I'm taking care of myself in regard to my eating habits. I am really good at criticizing myself and not taking care of myself and he is really good at keeping an eye on me.
10. Not letting a petty argument ruin our day. Like every normal and honest couple, we argue. We have learned two things about arguing. A) Lots of your petting arguments happen because one or both of you are tired, hungry or frustrated about some external thing. Once we figured that out it helped us to give more grace to diffuse dumb arguments and fix the root cause, if possible. B) we also learned how to not let a petty argument ruin a good day. Yesterday, I did something dumb and it upset hubby. We then had a little argument over it. We then worked through the problem and continued to enjoy our anniversary trip.

    I wrote out this list this past week and then started journaling about the items today. Then this afternoon I started typing it up and it started to sink in how much God has transformed our marriage over the last few years and how thankful we are for what He has done for us.

I pray this blesses, encourages and maybe even teaches you something new today.

God Bless

~Hannah

Port Dover for our 10th anniversary.

Social Media Fast

    During Victoria Day weekend my husband accused me of being addicted to Social Media. I said I had a mild addiction but I could take a break whenever I wanted. He challenged me to get off of it for a month. I agreed. I have given it up in the past for lent and other things, so I knew I could do it. I figured this fast would be like every other one. But it hasn't been. 

    Two weeks into my fast I started to notice changes. Hubby and I had spent more time together. At home, my skill set includes taking care of our home, by cooking and cleaning. But I'm not so good at the emotional side and tend to neglect his emotional needs. Because after doing everything else during the day I would want downtime on my phone. Which of course isn't really downtime. It's simply just numbing out. But once I took away my phone, all of a sudden I had time.

    After supper, hubby would ask if  I wanted to watch a movie, I used to say no, but now I was saying yes. Now, part of why I would say no is because I didn't have the time. The kitchen would need cleaning or Blessing would need walking. But near the time I started my fast, I also changed up my housework routine and meal prep. Freeing up my evenings for family time. The nights he would ask about a movie I was thinking about reading a book but would decide that the book could wait. Over the last few weeks, I have watched this bless our marriage.

    I also noticed that I had become a better caregiver. Growing up I only witnessed my dad get sick once. So I thought men never got sick. Then I got married and learned that they do. And despite watching my mom nurse us all back to health I never gained the skill, until now.

    One day during my fast he worked out and then the next day was very sore and couldn't move. For once, after work, I did a good job of playing nurse without being argued into it. Looking back, he didn't need nearly as much care as he received, but that's fine. My fast was softening me up and making me a better wife and for that I am grateful.

    I also noticed that my screen time overall had greatly reduced. I had been thinking of reducing it to 2 hours a day before the fast and was slowly working on it. The fast has helped to seal the deal. My screen time is now roughly two hours grand total. Including texting and all other regular phone use.

    The last thing I noticed was that I now had time for my other hobbies that I had been neglecting. I finished a book that I had been struggling to read. I made a new skirt. I bought some old sheets at Value Village and have been wanting to sew. Now, part of why I hadn't started on my new sewing projects was because I needed a paycheck to get some of the other supplies, but also because I was too distracted by my phone. Heck, I was even sewing during the week, which never happens. But over the course of three days, I made a new skirt. I could have made it quicker, but I was doing some experimenting with the style which added to the time. It was good though. I learned some valuable lessons along the way.

    There is a passage in the Bible that talks about doing what you don't want to do and not doing what you want to do. I was feeling this way about Social Media and my hobbies. Social media was my comfort zone and despite my love for sewing and reading, they are out of my comfort zone, and therefore I struggle to do them. Until now. Romans 7:15 "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do."

    At the beginning of this fast, I wasn't expecting it to be any different than my fasts in the past. I simply wanted to prove my point to hubby that I could give it up if and when I chose. Which is technically true. I can give it up, but I do have a bit of an addiction to it. We also agree to disagree about Social Media and its uses. After he gave it up a few years ago he decided that it was the worst thing in the world and won't touch it. I respect that decision. Where I believe it is a tool to be used properly and in moderation. I also think it's important to ask yourself why you are posting the content that you are posting. Are you doing it for likes and comments or to inspire others in some way shape or form?

    I have a few more weeks to go until I get to the end of the fast. And I'm interested to see what else God changes in me in the process. I have a game plan for moderating my usage after my fast is over. In the past, that game plan has only worked temporarily, but this time I think it will be different because God has changed me and blessed me and I don't want to undo that growth that I have seen.

    If you are addicted to Social Media or any other thing friend, I challenge you to give it up for 30 days and see what God does. It may surprise you.

I pray this blesses and encourages you today friend.

God Bless

~Hannah