God did an amazing miracle in my life late last week. That has changed my life, and I still can’t believe it. I have struggled with self-hatred and self-worth issues for as long as I can remember. I also try to stay busy for busy sake and to avoid my pain.
I have been slowly working through Joyce Meyer's book, 'Authentically, uniquely you.' I read it a few years ago, and then I was gifted a copy shortly after I read the library's copy. I thought, in January, it would be a good book to start off the year with. God has been using it along with His Spirit to help me along in my journey. I reject myself very regularly, and the enemy has a heyday regularly telling me that I'm not worth it and such.
The other morning at work, I was very worked up and fighting in my head with my husband, over absolutely nothing. Build up stress from the week, and my mind was going nuts with it. I decided to hang out on social media for a few minutes on my break. I have been doing a social media fast for the month of January, minus posting my blogs, and decided I could handle returning to that world for a few minutes. To let my brain numb out via a screen for a few minutes.
It honestly did wonders for me. I came back from break feeling refreshed and set free. You see, I also struggle with what people think of me. Do they think I eat too much chocolate? Do they think I spend too much time on my phone and on social media? So on and so on. Well, I believe God used these few minutes to help me decompress and see the truth. God made me unique, just like he did for you. And all the things that I like, chocolate, and seeing a handful of people's posts online, are just a few of the things that make up who I am. And I no longer need to worry about what other people think about me.
After the break, I returned to my paint booth and pondered the things God had just taught me. I had such peace, and nearly started to cry because I am no longer worried about what others think about me. God has broken the chains of worrying about what others think of me.
Within 24hrs, I noticed that my sense of self-worth had gone up. A “side effect” that I was not expecting to come from no longer caring what others thought of me. Of course, it made sense, though, because now that I was no longer worrying what others were thinking, I could focus on what God says about me. He says, “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139:13-14. NIV.
I also noticed that I stopped attaching my worth to things. Instead, seeking to find my identity and worth in Christ alone. Something I am going to have to practice daily. But, one step at a time. I also attach my worth to my opinion and things, and then if I feel that someone, mainly hubby, doesn't agree with the thing or the opinion, then in my mind, he is attacking my worth. Which, of course, he is not. Which leads to far more petty arguments than necessary.
Since God healed me, I feel a sense of peace and calm instead of always being heightened and ready to defend myself. We have had one minor squabble; I was getting heightened. Hubby lovingly called me out and told me I was attaching my worth to my opinion again. Within a minute or two, I calmed down, and we continued talking about the topic at hand. I am making progress, though. I was trying a new recipe the other night, and he wondered why they left out an ingredient. I didn't know. I decided to check the recipe. He was right, the ingredient that I left out was supposed to be there. I found the ingredient in the cupboard and continued making supper. I looked at hubby and said, 'The old me would have gotten upset about this.' he agreed.
I am still in awe of what God has done for me and how it has changed my life, our marriage and our home. I have been fighting this battle for many years and asking God for help. He has answered my prayers and healed my heart and soul.
I pray that God brings you the healing that you are praying for and seeking after, as well, friend. I pray that this post encourages you and reminds you that you are not alone in your struggles and that we serve a Good God who loves us and has amazing plans for our lives. Plans far bigger and better than we could ever imagine.
God Bless
~Hannah
