The 80/20 Life

    I am a perfectionist. I desire everything in my life to be perfect. I want my home to be clean, have laundry up to date, only eat healthy home-cooked food, exercise daily, etc. I want to dress up and have my hair and makeup done at all times. I want perfection.

    One problem, I'm human with a sinful nature and therefore cannot be perfect. No one can. Thanks, Adam and Eve.

    I was recently reminded that it is okay to not be perfect. Only God is perfect, but He does not expect me to be perfect. So neither should I. Easier said than done. While I pondered this and other thoughts, God reminded me of the 80/20 rule. A concept I heard of years ago. In that particular situation, the topic was food and dietary choices. A classmate of mine wanted to be a vegetarian, but her boyfriend's family liked steak and other red meat. She was not sure how to handle the situation. She asked her doctor, and they suggested that when she cooked for herself or was at a restaurant and could order for herself that she should practice being a vegetarian. Then when she was at her boyfriend's house or a guest somewhere else and did not want to impose, to eat the meat that was being served. I thought it made great sense and have tried to implement it in different areas of my life over the years. Mainly in the category of food as well.

    Since then, I have realized you can apply this rule to any area of your life. Simply means that applying the 80/20 rule allows me to give myself grace and not expect perfection out of myself all day, every day. Someone once said in a youtube video that they too aim for 80%. For them, it was 80% of the time their home was 80% clean. I figured it was a respectable goal for them, they had a full-size house and children. Meaning that their home will never be fully cleaned or at least not likely. If you are someone who does have a full-size home with small children and manages to keep your home clean at all times, I top my hat to you. When I compared myself to this person. I know, the comparison road is never a good road to drive down. Anyways, I compared this YouTuber's life to mine and thought, 'If she can keep her home 80% clean 80% of the time, then there is no excuse for our two-person, and dog apartment clean 100% of the time. Thankfully just because she can keep a bigger, busier space clean does not mean I have to keep my smaller, quieter space cleaner than hers. Because it truly is not about competition. Despite what social media tells us. Plus, in reality, perfection is not real. It is simply a fantasy that we like to dream about. Because in the real world, there are days when the dishes do not get done, and like today, there will be days when I am not wearing a pretty dress. I have spent the last few days in skirts and dresses for family Christmas functions, and now I am lounging on my couch in sweatpants and a sweater, and tomorrow I will be back in a dress for another family gathering. That being said, I do love dressing up and wearing makeup. But this morning, after hubby and I drove one of our guests home, I decided that there was no shame in putting on sweatpants and a sweater and simply relaxing for a while. Because like the perfect "little black dress" sweatpants have their place too.

    Because we all know the truth, our "high light real" on Instagram and Facebook is not real or at least not an everyday event.

    Implementing the 80/20 rule into my life will not only help me to give myself the grace I mentioned earlier but also, give myself a goal that is still reachable but still nice and high, making it all the more satisfying when I reach it. 

    During this whole brainstorming session, I was listening to a podcast and was taught/reminded that whatever standards we hold ourselves to, we also expect everyone around us to too. A reality I knew but needed a reminder of. The host of the podcast was reminding the listeners that it is important to give ourselves grace so that we can extend that grace to those around us as well. She gave an example of a college roommate she had and how the roommate did not feel relaxed/comfortable around her, or at least not as relaxed as she would like to be because of her high standards. Because the roommate was afraid that she would impose her standards on her as well and the roommate knew she would not measure up. The host finished the story by saying that she and the roommate had a good talk and it was a point of growth for both of them. The whole story reminded me of a lesson God taught me about a year ago, even though I have high standards and do not need to be ashamed of them, I cannot impose them on others. Funny how God brings things back to mind. Another viewpoint of high personal standards is that those of us who have high standards, are likely uptight. This is okay, but I have lovelily been reminded, by people who mean a lot to me and have reminded me that it is not fun to be around uptight people and that it is okay to relax and have fun. That does not mean we have to change for those around us, but simply a gentle reminder that it is okay to relax, unwind and let our hair down now and then.

    So the next day I was pondering how all these new thoughts and ideas would look in my life and how things would change. Being the type A personality I am, I did the math. No, I do not like math, but I do like a well-organized plan. If seven days, a full week equals 100% then what is 80%? Roughly six days. Not perfect math, but it sure does paint a picture. The picture of creation. God reminded me of what He instructed us in Genesis, that we are to work six days a week and, on the seventh day, we rest from our work. A beautiful reminder that God does not expect perfection from us. Not only does He allows us to rest but intentionally designed a day for us to rest and give ourselves grace. Coincidence? Maybe, but last I checked God does not operate in coincidences. He operates in miracles and blessings and I think it's time we started counting the blessing of not needing to be perfect.

    Now I'm not saying that I will give myself a free pass and not do dishes on Sundays or any other day. But  I do love the parallel between the grace that not only God gives me but wants me to give myself. We serve an incredible and good God who thinks of every little detail long before I do and has an answer ready for me when the time is right.

    So, as the new year approaches, I am looking forward to implementing this new 80/20% rule and giving myself grace for the days that the laundry hamper is overflowing or it's a take-out night instead of a healthy stir fry. Because let's face it, perfection is exhausting, and beating myself up mentally for not being perfect is just as unhealthy as a Big Mac from Mcdonald's.

 In closing friends, work hard and honor God and enjoy your God-given grace and rest. 

Perfection is not real, but God is.

God Bless

~Hannah

A beautiful reminder that perfection is not real. If it was, Blessing would be looking at the camera, but like her mama, she isn't perfect either. But we love her anyways.

Lest We Forget

     Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

    Over the last few weeks, I have been thinking about Remembrance Day and all it means to us. One of my biggest thoughts has been how brave our men and woman are who serve. They willingly go into dangerous war zones where they will come into contact with the "enemy" and line of fire and the possibility of being shot and killed. To me, that sounds terrifying. So to me, it takes a special breed of people who are willing to serve our country in battle knowing that they may not come home.

    I was listening to a podcast the other day and they mentioned Joshua 1:9 and I thought this verse perfectly describes our men and woman in uniform. They are also being godly examples of who and what God has called us to be and do as believers. I know not all believers are called to be soldiers and for which I am grateful. Nonetheless, we are called to be strong and courageous in our own lives.

    I saw a post on Facebook on Remembrance day from one vet to another reminding their fellow military friends that Remembrance Day can be hard for them and reminded them that it could be a trigger for them. It was a thought I hadn't given any thought to before, but very true. Remembrance Day is the one day of the year that as a country we stop and think of and hopefully thank a soldier for their sacrifice. It never occurred to me that it would also be a PTSD trigger.

    I've always thought of Remembrance Day as a day of celebrating our vets and the freedom that they gave us and everyone they have fought on behalf of. Now I want to take my newfound knowledge about how Remembrance Day can/does affect them I want to be more conscious about Remembrance Day. No, I have no idea what that will look like. I consider myself very respectful of that day and the days leading up to Remembrance Day, but it has given me something to think about.

    Remembrance Day means different things to different people. Some are mourning a loved one who died in combat. For others, it is simply thinking of and thanking those who have served and those who are currently serving.

    For myself and countless others who have siblings, parents, aunts, uncles, etc serving presently or in the past it is that much more significant and close to home. For me, it became more real when my brother joined the military. My grandfather served in WWII and then passed away when I was 14. But it did not hit home then like it does now. Maybe because everyone's grandparents served or because  I was young and did not fully understand what it was all about. It was head knowledge but not heart knowledge. These days it is much closer because I have a brother and sister-in-law who serve. I'm not here to put either of them on a pedestal or anything else today. Although I am very proud of them. I'm simply saying that I am that much more grateful and have a greater understanding of what it is like to serve than I did as a child. Which I suspect is the case for many of us. We learn as we grow.

My point in all this is to say thank you to our brave men and women to serve our country. Lest We Forget.

Not a poppy, but its red and pretty. Taken in my parent's backyard.

Obedience in the Small Things

    Sensory Exercise. I used a bottle of nail polish. As I held it in my left hand, I felt its shape, size, weight, etc. I  tried to squeeze it, but of course, you can only squeeze so far because it is glass. I'm not able to shrink glass like a squishy toy, plus if I did squeeze it and I was strong enough, I would break it which would make a big mess. Paint everywhere, dangerous glass that could cut me and anyone else who comes near me. Just like when I try to control situations that are not mine to control.

    God didn't create me to be strong enough to be able to break the bottle or be able to handle life on my own. If He did create me like that then I wouldn't need Him or anyone else and I believe He knew that when He created me and everyone else on this earth. Not everything is in our control. Nor is it supposed to be.

    When I took the bottle out of my left hand and put it on my lap, leaving both palms free and facing up, I  then examined my left hand. It felt like a weight had been lifted (yes, I know a literal weight had been lifted, but it also felt spiritual). Like God was taking away the burden. The sensation still felt heavy and yet empty. Like I had given something up. It felt relieving. Felt good to put it down.

    For a long time, I have been trying to put down my anger and control at the foot of the cross and simply give it to God. Unfortunately, it hasn't always worked.

    The church spends a lot of time telling us to leave our burdens at the feet of Jesus and walk in freedom. For some, it works and we can instantly walk away from these or other problems. Whereas for others, it is a process that involves counseling to help you get to the root of the problem and allow God to heal those issues/wounds. Even in the Bible, some people were healed instantly, and yet there was the one man who had to wash seven times before he was fully healed.

    When I sat down to do this sensory training homework from my counselor I felt a little awkward and silly. But I wanted to be faithful to my homework from my counselor and put the effort in so I can continue to grow. I read the instructions and started the exercise and from the moment I tried to squeeze the bottle until I took it out of my hand, God and I shared a wonderful moment and an amazing lesson. Neither of which I was expecting but I am so blessed for having experienced them. After sitting quietly with God for a moment I know I needed to journal to help me further process these experiences so I could share them with my counselor during our next session. As I was writing out what I was feeling, experiencing, and thinking about God kept revealing more to me which has now led me to this full-size post that I was not expecting to write or share. It reminds me of the saying, "if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans." Well, my plan was simply to be obedient to my homework and not only talk the talk but walk the walk. God had other plans and wanted to teach and bless me through this exercise. No complaints here friends.

    When I was writing the end of this post and thinking about the lesson/ message God wanted me to share with you. My first thought was that it was the whole, "let go and let God." Let God take control of your life and of those difficult situations where we think we know best, but in reality, God knows best. And I'm sure for some of you, this will then be the lesson you take away.

    For others, I believe it is about obedience. When we are obedient in the small things, like doing this little exercise, God rewards and blesses us.

    So what things do you need to let go of or be obedient to friends?

Copyright for this exercise goes to my counselor and their office. I did not use the full name of the exercise or fully describe how to do the exercise or the science behind the exercise, but I would rather be safe than sorry. I am simply sharing how God used the exercise, to draw me closer to Him.

God Bless

~Hannah

A beautiful scene on a beautiful day.

First Box

I have wanted to write short stories for a while now and finally started. Found a "writing prompt" on Pinterest about packing a box. The rest was my imagination. Enjoy. 

    Emily sat down on the floor and started packing the first box. She had been avoiding packing for months. She kept telling herself she was too busy and would get to it later. Truthfully, she was avoiding the task altogether. Because the longer she avoided packing the first box, she could still pretend that her beloved grandparents were still alive and coming over for Sunday dinner. If she started packing up their things, she would have to admit; that they were gone. A reality she knew in her heart but did not want to admit out loud. Grandma died last year and Grandpa just a few months ago, but by having their possessions on display, it was as if they were still alive.

    When her grandparents went into the nursing home, Emily and her husband moved out of their apartment and into her grandparent's house. The house was part of her inheritance. When her grandparents moved into the nursing home they wanted her to move into their home right away to maintain it and save on living expenses.

    Since grandpa's funeral, she had slowly moved their possessions into the spare bedroom which was now collecting dust. It did not feel right to move their things before they had passed. She had already picked her favorite pictures, books, and knickknacks that she had adored since childhood. She was not getting rid of all their things. Just things that she nor anyone else would have any use for, and it was not like she was just throwing it all out. She was going to donate it to a local charity for those less fortunate. A request her grandparents had stated in their will. They did not want to be a burden once they were gone. They gave instructions for certain items, like the glass candy that, they knew she wanted. Which was now happily on display in her living room. For other stuff, they simply said take what you want and donate the rest. They did not want their loved ones storing their possessions and taking up unnecessary space in their homes. They knew that the stuff was not important. The memories and love that they all shared were important.

    Even still, the task in front of Emily felt like the biggest job she had ever taken on. Of course, it was not the biggest task of her life, after all, she was a high-power lawyer. Putting things in a box was nothing compared to the cases she handled at work every day. But in her heart, it was the biggest task ever. Saying good buy to her grandparents was in reality saying goodbye to the only family she ever had. Her parents died in a tragic car accident when she was five years old, so her grandparents raised her. Despite the great loss her family suffered, they made a beautiful life for the three of them. She would be eternally grateful for them.

    It was time; time to pack the boxes and say good bye to her grandparents.

    You see, her spare room was no longer a "spare room" it was going to be the new nursery. She and her husband found out a few weeks ago that they were expecting a baby girl and now they needed to transform their spare room into a castle fit for a princess.

    They still had six months until their baby girl would arrive. But, she wanted to have lots of time to enjoy the process of building her little girl's room and not simply rush through it. But before she could start envisioning the room, it needed to be cleaned out and cleanse her palette as it were.

    So she took a deep breath, grabbed the first cardboard box, and started gently packing her grandparent's belongings. Before long, the box was full and she was ready for the next one. Before long she had packed several boxes and came to realize how much better she was feeling. As Emily packed another box she saw a little sign that her grandparents hung in their entranceway by the shoe rack that read, "The first step is always the hardest." She paused for a moment to reflect on how relevant that was today. Now that she was past the first "step" and had packed the first box, the rest were simply boxes, and, in a few short hours, they would all be packed and ready to be donated. She was happy with herself. Not only was she getting a big chore done, but she was finally getting the closure she needed in order to move on with her life. She was no longer in denial of her grandparent's death. Instead of missing her grandparents and wishing they were still alive, she could now look back at the memories she shared with them and be grateful for the life she shared with them. She would always miss them, but in a different way. Her mourning would now gradually turn into sweet memories. She was amazed by how much closure she had received by simply taking the first step and packing that first box. She felt proud of herself for finally taking the first step in moving on. Her husband would be home from work in an hour, and then they could pack the truck and donate the boxes. Then tomorrow, after work, she could start envisioning her baby girl's new bedroom and start planning for their next adventure of parenthood. The thought of decorating the room brought a smile to her face because she knew this was what her grandparents would want. Her only regret was that they would never meet their great-granddaughter on this side of Heaven, but she took comfort in knowing that; they would be watching over her.

    As she got up off the floor and looked around the room, she was amazed by how much was now possible simply because she packed the first box.

Season of Change

    It's been a busy and stressful few weeks. I started counseling, a new job (within the company I currently work for) and trying to change some personal habits/routines to better my life and my family.

    I'm excited to start digging deep and working with my counselor on my anger, control, and self-worth issues. I've needed counseling for quite some time and have finally found one that is affordable and faith-based. Praise God. From my first session alone, I learned that I am not an angry person. I get angry. When a situation is not going the way I want it to and how to deal with those emotions more healthily. I will be learning to widen my "window of tolerance" which will inevitably reduce my reactions.

    I do not want anger and frustration to be the results when I feel triggered and I am excited to work with God and my counselor to be the woman of God that God designed me to be before I was even born. Because I am not an angry person, I just get frustrated easily.

    I was reflecting on who I am on the way to my first session and my response was, "I'm a workaholic who does not get to enjoy the life I want to because I am either working or tired from working and then I get frustrated because of it." So I am trying to have a better work/life balance. Ironically I am starting up a dog walking business on top of my regular job, so I'm not sure I understand the concept of work/life balance. That or I'm ignoring my needs and living in "robot" mode. Something else I also need to work on. Thank goodness we are all a "work in progress."

    A few weeks ago, an opening came up at work for a painter. A clean job, no more sanding dust. Since I started working for this company last November and subtracting the month that I left and tried a different job, I have been sanding a variety of car parts for the last nine months. Needless to say, I got bored and wanted something new. So I applied for the painter job and God blessed me with the job. Like any new job, the first few days were stressful while I started learning this new skill. I moved around a bit between the different steps of the painting process and started to get a feel for the steps that I understood and the ones that escaped me. Thankfully when it came time to be officially placed and fully learn the step I would be in my bosses and I agreed on what step was the best fit for me. I am now digging into the techniques and tips and tricks for doing my new job and I can honestly say I like it. It was so satisfying when my trainer would inspect a part I had painted and approve of the part. One of my favorite benefits of my new job is that I am now in a painter's suit and no longer wearing a mask. Meaning I can wear makeup without it rubbing off on the mask. I do not require makeup to leave my home or anything, but I enjoy it, and it is part of my self-care routine. For me, taking the time to do my makeup instead dusting or folding the laundry tells me that I am important and it is okay to take a few minutes for myself.

    In regards to my personal life and my routines and habits. I wanted to reduce my tv time and input more reading time. I enjoy reading, mainly in bed before going to sleep, it helps me relax and unwind. For years I have wanted to enjoy reading during the day (on the weekends) but I am also a bit of a tv junky and can easily spend hours watching tv instead of reading a book. Plus because reading puts me to sleep I would only ever read for a half hour or so before falling asleep for a bit, which was kind of annoying. Tv does not put me to sleep.

    The first week I started by simply trying to replace tv with reading. So instead of watching tv in the evening for an hour before going to bed, I would pick up my book. After a few days I was enjoying it and was impressed with how much I was reading (I'm a slow reader). I had taken a few books out from the library and when I realized how thick they were and how long the rental window is for them I knew I would have to power read them. Yes, I know I can renew them. But the idea of renewing them was giving me anxiety. (don't ask, I don't know why) So I got intentional with reading them. So intense that I finished them both within two weeks. They are not due for five more days. In the past, a book of roughly 400 pages would take me a month. Well with my new routine changes I read each of them in a week. Leaving a week to spare before they are due back. Just goes to show what you can do when you put your mind to it and stop making excuses. The best part of my tv vs reading time is that now I have almost no interest in tv. No, I'm not a tv snob or anything, hubby and I enjoy watching tv together still. But now I enjoy reading instead of watching tv. Something I have wanted for years. I usually feel bad and upset with myself when I binge tv on the weekends. This Saturday I spent probably 8 hours reading, finished the second book, and felt satisfied. 

    I also wanted to change up my daily/weekly routine to better manage my time and energy and "waste" less time. Thankfully my new shift time at work is encouraging those changes. I am still ironing out the kinks for those new routines, but I have a better idea of how to do it now versus a week ago.

    Because of how busy the last few weeks have been I was looking forward to relaxing this weekend and I believe I have reached that goal. My favorite part of all this is that because I got better with my reading/relaxing habit over the last two weeks I was already prepared for and knew how to unwind when Saturday morning arrived and did not have to stress over how to. I guess you could say I'm slowly learning how to work hard and play hard.

    So that is where I am at friends. When I sat down to start typing this post the enemy started telling me lies that no one cares about what I had to say in this post and I started to doubt why I was writing it. I then started questioning what things I should write about in my blog because I enjoy my blog. My hubby came into the living room a few minutes later and asked how I was doing. I told him about my feeling and my anxieties about my blog and he asked me, "Are you writing for attention or yourself?" I said, "Because I like writing and like my blog." Then he said, "So write it." Such a wise man. Of course, he is right. I do enjoy my blog. Yes, I enjoy the lovely comments telling me you enjoyed reading it and my skills as a writer. Who doesn't like a pat on the back? So I will keep writing whenever the mood strikes and pray that it blesses those who read it.

~Hannah

Good, Better, Best.

    There have been a few things on my mind these last few weeks. Mainly the cleanliness of my home. How I spend my time. And the goals I have for myself and my family that has changed. I have been feeling the need a purge/ declutter for a few weeks and thinking about what I didn't want or need anymore. I have had a few boxes sitting in the living room for several months waiting to be donated, and this past week I finally finished adding to them and will take them to Value Village. Okay, I only added a few things that I have known for a long time that I do not use and finally accepted that fact about myself and got rid of the items. I still want to go through every room of our home and purge. No, I do not expect to get rid of a lot more, but some nonetheless.

    For years now, I have enjoyed organizing and decluttering. No, I'm not a minimalist, but there is something so satisfying about getting rid of stuff and not being weighed down by things. I have a backpack-style purse and love it. It is always full of stuff for "just in case," and nine times out of ten, I do not need any of it. I cleaned it out a week ago, and it felt great having less weight on my back. I like to carry a book and notebook everywhere just in case. Most of the time, when I am out, I'm running errands, and thus I'm not waiting in the car with a few minutes to spare to read. So, now I take a better look at what activities I will be doing when I leave home and judge properly if bringing the extra weight of a book is reasonable.

    I realized I spend a lot of time cleaning or thinking about what needs to be cleaned and arranging my weekly schedule to fit it all in. Like most of us, I'm a little tired of it. It occurred to me that if I had less stuff, I would have less to clean and maintain. Like I said earlier, I collected a handful of items that I had been thinking of donating and added them to the existing boxes, and now they are ready for their new homes. I don't mind cleaning and I enjoy a clean home, but if I spend most of my at-home time cleaning or thinking about cleaning it's time for a change. Time to reevaluate some of the stuff we have in our home. Of course, I'm not talking about family pictures or sentimental stuff. Just the stuff that we never use but always think we will someday. Like battery-operated candles. Candles scare me, so I bought battery-operated ones thinking I would enjoy them. Never used them. All they do is collect dust. So into the box they go.

    I have also been thinking about a concept I learned while working from home for the call center, "Good, better, best." It was an exercise we used while learning about taking customer calls. We would listen to a recording and evaluate the call via "good, better, best." I asked myself if the activity I was doing at the moment (likely scrolling on Facebook, I don't remember the exact moment) was a good use of my time or if there was an activity that was a better/ best use of my time? Note. There is nothing wrong with hanging out on Facebook or any other social media. They have their purpose. I just use them too much. Anyways, I then found an activity that was a better use of my time and continued with my day. I have slowly been practicing my "good, better, best" question and find myself being more productive and managing my time better. Now I have more time for the things I enjoy and family time. I'm spending more time in my Bible because let's face it. Spending time with God is ultimately the best use of our time. It's not just about my time with God though, I also need to ask myself if one more episode of my current tv show is a good use of my time or if going to bed on time is a better use of my time. Respecting bedtime is always a better use of time friend. Regardless of what season of life you are in, getting a good night's sleep is always the right answer. Because by going to bed on time you are setting yourself up for a better night's sleep and the potential of a great day tomorrow where you can accomplish all the stuff you need and want to get done vs being tired and dragging your feet through the day. Yes, I am guilty of the latter, but I'm working on it.

    I saw a quote from a friend on Facebook a few weeks ago that read, "Does this support the life I am trying to create?" Thanks, Kate. I thought it was pretty awesome and, it tied in so nicely with my other decluttering and time management skills I am working on. As you can see it's been a rather philosophical few weeks, and I am now getting these thoughts and action plans on paper and flushing them out.

    What Kate said makes so much sense. The things we spend time thinking about, activities we are partaking in, and what we spend our money on are shaping the life we are creating for ourselves and our families. Not a bad thing, of course, just a thing. But are those thoughts, actions/activities, and financial choices the best choices for us and our family? So I have slowly started "cleaning up" my life as it were. I'm decluttering so that I don't have as much stuff to take care of. Allowing me to spend more time with my family. I'm working on reducing/re-arranging my screen time to more book and Bible reading. I am a book worm but I also like screens and I know that the less screen time and the more book time whether that be a novel or my Bible the more relaxed and calm I am. Making me a much nicer person to hang out with. Because stressed out, anxious and tired Hannah is not that fun to be around. Even I don't like her, and she is me.

    I am evaluating the goal list that I have been building and working on for the last several years and realizing that some of those goals are no longer serving their purpose and I am simply stressing over trying to make them happen. Like Blessing, our four-legged, tail-wagging little girl. I was encouraged to train her to be a therapy dog when she was a puppy and ever since then I have been working towards that goal. We have been taking obedience classes to a) build a family dog and b) train for therapy. We still have another level to complete before we do can the therapy course, but I have come to realize it's no longer a goal of mine. I don't want to add another thing to my schedule once we complete the training. Plus obedience school and therapy training are expensive. So instead of stressing over that goal, I want to enjoy our family dog. Yes, I want to complete the last level of obedience school to learn more, but that is it. There are a handful of other goals and plans that have now been changed or taken out completely. Because as we grow and change, our goals change with us, and I am now seeing the importance of re-evaluating those goes to check and see that they are still serving their intended purpose, and if they are not, fix them or trash them entirely.

    You see, creating an epic life is not about how much you can fit into your week. It's about enjoying the things you are doing. For me, it's a quieter life with my family and not running from one activity to the next. That said, if you and your family enjoy an active life with lots of extracurricular activities, hats off to you. I will be watching and cheering you on from the sideline (likely on Facebook and other social media posts). I was listening to a podcast the other morning while Blessing and I took our walk, "She Reads Truth." I forget the episode or topic, but at one point, they were talking about new Year resolutions and what all they involve. The guest said his family doesn't add goals to their new year like many of us. They look at their life and subtract stuff. I forget all his reasoning behind it, but it sticks with me and ties in nicely with all the other stuff I have been pondering. My take away from it was emphasizing the importance of what we deem important in our lives and what we can give up.

    To sum it all up, are we creating the life that we want to live or are we creating the life we think we should be living and likely following someone else's Instagram highlights and trying to copy them? There is nothing wrong with celebrating and sharing our successes and highlights of our day or week with our friends on social media. Trouble comes in when we compare our "lesser stuff" to someone's highlights. Again, not slamming social media. It has its uses and its place in our lives. We (and by we, I mean me) need to keep track of it and what it is doing in our lives.

I pray this post blesses you and encourages you in your walk with God today.

God Bless

~Hannah

A pretty flower from a pretty garden.

The Grass Isn't Greener On The Other Side

    Last month I changed jobs. I went from a factory job to a call center. I was excited about all the perks of the new job. Working from home, no more dirty work clothing, etc. I have a handful of years of customer experience in different areas, so I figured I could handle it. The first week was great, and training was progressing smoothly. The second and third weeks started getting stressful the closer we got to finishing our training before taking live customer calls. I prayed over my anxiety and, between my hubby and a few other people encouraging me. I felt better. Nervous, but better.

    Then last Thursday, we started taking live calls. Oh man, stressful. At the end of my shift on Friday, my supervisor pointed out a few mistakes I had made over the last two days and it threw me over the edge. The mistakes were easy enough to fix and I knew that logically, but when stress and anxiety enter the room, logic exits. My stress and anxiety levels were at an all-time high. I got off work and called my mom, and through my tears, I vented and told her I was looking for new work. I knew it had only been two days, but I couldn't do this job.

    Hubby and I decided I would take Monday off and hand out resumes and get out of this call center job. That didn't reduce my anxiety though. I spent the entire weekend dealing with one very long intense anxiety attack. So much so that I could not even look at the corner of our living room where my work computer was sitting. I spent the weekend watching "The Golden Girls" and sleeping. That tv show calms me down a little.

    Monday morning arrived, and I headed out with resumes. I returned to the factory I had left a month ago, hoping they would take me back. I knew I had reasons why I left the factory  I was working in but I also knew that they were nowhere near as bad as the anxiety I was facing from the call center. So I went into the office with my resume and said I wanted to apply for my old job. The receptionist took my resume and said she would give it to the hiring manager when she got out of a meeting. I said thank you and continued handing out more resumes. Monday afternoon, the hiring manager called and set up a meeting with me for Tuesday morning. I happily accepted it. I proceeded to pray over the meeting. Prayed that it would go smoothly and that the factory would remember my work ethic and take me back. Sure enough, God showered me with His grace and mercy, and the factory remembered me favorably and agreed to take me back. It pays to work hard and not burn bridges, even if you think you will never return to that place. I then finished my work day at the call center. Okay, I didn't finish the day. I quite an hr an a half before the day ended and then took the computer back to the office. Then came home and cleaned up the corner where my computer was sitting. I decided earlier that day that I wanted to transform the corner from a work corner to a cozy reading corner. Taking it from a stress-inducing corner to a relaxing corner.

    I spent the evening tidying our apartment and preparing for the next day. My anxiety and stress had been so intense for a sold week that it took an entire evening and into the next morning to come down. Longer than I had expected. I figured once I handed the computer back I would feel instantly relieved, but I guess when you have been on an emotional high for a week straight it takes some time to come down from it. That's okay though.

    The next morning, Wednesday, I happily headed to the factory and returned to my old job. It was a good and hard day. I had spent the last month sitting at a desk not using any muscles and then I returned to a standing position sanding spoilers for the back of cars. My muscles were not prepared for that. By the end of the day, my arms were numb from sanding, my neck and shoulders were sore from leaning over the spoilers, and my legs from standing. But I was and am so happy to be back there. Throughout the day, I would stop and take a minute to stretch and every time I did I thought that even though I was sore, it was so much better than the stress I had faced a few days before.

    It is now the weekend. I have been back at the factory for three days now. Yes, I'm sore but so grateful. I learned a valuable lesson this past week. It isn't always greener on the other side. A cleaner work environment does not equal greener grass. I have never been more grateful to be in a factory than I am now. Guess I needed a perspective adjustment.

    For years my perception of factories has been that they are for uneducated people and that it's a dead-end job. That may be true for some it isn't for all.

    Working in the call center made me realize that I am built for physical jobs and not desk jobs. Makes sense, I spent the last several years working physical jobs, all while wanting to return to customer service. But call centers are very different then the other customer service positions I have held over the years. It also made me realize that I can handle a whole lot more physical pain than mental pain. I can handle sore muscles, yes, they are not pleasant, but I can manage. Where I have come to realize that I crumble under mental pressure. I am grateful to know this newfound fact about myself though. I hadn't thought about my ability to handle mental stress vs physical stress before. Yes, I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression a few years ago, but most days they do not get too much in the way of my everyday routines. This time they did and it concerned both myself and my hubby with how I handled the stress and anxiety. I did not eat for a week. Instead of consuming 1,500 to 2,000 calories a day, I was consuming closer to 500 to 1,000 at the most. Thankfully I am back on track now and working at putting back on the few pounds I lost.

    All in all, it's been a heck of a week. I am grateful for the lesson I learned this last week, that the grass is not greener in customer service vs a factory. I believe God wanted my perspective of factories to change, so He gave me a customer service position that I thought was a dream come true to show me that it is okay to work in a factory. I still believe that God handed me the call center job, but now I understand why. I thought it was so I could dress up every day like the girly girl I am, now I know it was about my perspective of factories. Yes, the area I currently work in is dirty and smelly, but it's still an important job that needs to be done. This can be said about all jobs in a factory. Regardless of what your factory produces, whether that be car parts or pickles, the public needs that product and therefore your job is needed and important.

    When I first arrived at this factory I was grateful for a job, and even though it was not a glamorous job, I knew someone needed to do it, so why not me. During my initial time there my opinion changed, and I wanted out. Now I am back to the same opinion. Not a glamourous job, but still an important one that I am now more than ever, happy to do. I can now say that I expect to stay here for a while.

    So there it is friends, I am back in the factory and thrilled. Are there any areas in your life where you think the grass is greener on the other side? I am sure we can all think of a few. In fact, I am thinking of a few other areas in my life where I need to water the grass on my side a little more and not compare the grass on the other side of the fence.

Thank you for reading and sharing my experience with me this week.

God Bless

~Hannah

I wanted this week's photo to be of my new cozy reading area, but I haven't finished transforming it yet. So a picture of my best friend will do very nicely instead. Plus the grass is really green in this photo.