It's been a busy and stressful few weeks. I started counseling, a new job (within the company I currently work for) and trying to change some personal habits/routines to better my life and my family.
I'm excited to start digging deep and working with my counselor on my anger, control, and self-worth issues. I've needed counseling for quite some time and have finally found one that is affordable and faith-based. Praise God. From my first session alone, I learned that I am not an angry person. I get angry. When a situation is not going the way I want it to and how to deal with those emotions more healthily. I will be learning to widen my "window of tolerance" which will inevitably reduce my reactions.
I do not want anger and frustration to be the results when I feel triggered and I am excited to work with God and my counselor to be the woman of God that God designed me to be before I was even born. Because I am not an angry person, I just get frustrated easily.
I was reflecting on who I am on the way to my first session and my response was, "I'm a workaholic who does not get to enjoy the life I want to because I am either working or tired from working and then I get frustrated because of it." So I am trying to have a better work/life balance. Ironically I am starting up a dog walking business on top of my regular job, so I'm not sure I understand the concept of work/life balance. That or I'm ignoring my needs and living in "robot" mode. Something else I also need to work on. Thank goodness we are all a "work in progress."
A few weeks ago, an opening came up at work for a painter. A clean job, no more sanding dust. Since I started working for this company last November and subtracting the month that I left and tried a different job, I have been sanding a variety of car parts for the last nine months. Needless to say, I got bored and wanted something new. So I applied for the painter job and God blessed me with the job. Like any new job, the first few days were stressful while I started learning this new skill. I moved around a bit between the different steps of the painting process and started to get a feel for the steps that I understood and the ones that escaped me. Thankfully when it came time to be officially placed and fully learn the step I would be in my bosses and I agreed on what step was the best fit for me. I am now digging into the techniques and tips and tricks for doing my new job and I can honestly say I like it. It was so satisfying when my trainer would inspect a part I had painted and approve of the part. One of my favorite benefits of my new job is that I am now in a painter's suit and no longer wearing a mask. Meaning I can wear makeup without it rubbing off on the mask. I do not require makeup to leave my home or anything, but I enjoy it, and it is part of my self-care routine. For me, taking the time to do my makeup instead dusting or folding the laundry tells me that I am important and it is okay to take a few minutes for myself.
In regards to my personal life and my routines and habits. I wanted to reduce my tv time and input more reading time. I enjoy reading, mainly in bed before going to sleep, it helps me relax and unwind. For years I have wanted to enjoy reading during the day (on the weekends) but I am also a bit of a tv junky and can easily spend hours watching tv instead of reading a book. Plus because reading puts me to sleep I would only ever read for a half hour or so before falling asleep for a bit, which was kind of annoying. Tv does not put me to sleep.
The first week I started by simply trying to replace tv with reading. So instead of watching tv in the evening for an hour before going to bed, I would pick up my book. After a few days I was enjoying it and was impressed with how much I was reading (I'm a slow reader). I had taken a few books out from the library and when I realized how thick they were and how long the rental window is for them I knew I would have to power read them. Yes, I know I can renew them. But the idea of renewing them was giving me anxiety. (don't ask, I don't know why) So I got intentional with reading them. So intense that I finished them both within two weeks. They are not due for five more days. In the past, a book of roughly 400 pages would take me a month. Well with my new routine changes I read each of them in a week. Leaving a week to spare before they are due back. Just goes to show what you can do when you put your mind to it and stop making excuses. The best part of my tv vs reading time is that now I have almost no interest in tv. No, I'm not a tv snob or anything, hubby and I enjoy watching tv together still. But now I enjoy reading instead of watching tv. Something I have wanted for years. I usually feel bad and upset with myself when I binge tv on the weekends. This Saturday I spent probably 8 hours reading, finished the second book, and felt satisfied.
I also wanted to change up my daily/weekly routine to better manage my time and energy and "waste" less time. Thankfully my new shift time at work is encouraging those changes. I am still ironing out the kinks for those new routines, but I have a better idea of how to do it now versus a week ago.
Because of how busy the last few weeks have been I was looking forward to relaxing this weekend and I believe I have reached that goal. My favorite part of all this is that because I got better with my reading/relaxing habit over the last two weeks I was already prepared for and knew how to unwind when Saturday morning arrived and did not have to stress over how to. I guess you could say I'm slowly learning how to work hard and play hard.
So that is where I am at friends. When I sat down to start typing this post the enemy started telling me lies that no one cares about what I had to say in this post and I started to doubt why I was writing it. I then started questioning what things I should write about in my blog because I enjoy my blog. My hubby came into the living room a few minutes later and asked how I was doing. I told him about my feeling and my anxieties about my blog and he asked me, "Are you writing for attention or yourself?" I said, "Because I like writing and like my blog." Then he said, "So write it." Such a wise man. Of course, he is right. I do enjoy my blog. Yes, I enjoy the lovely comments telling me you enjoyed reading it and my skills as a writer. Who doesn't like a pat on the back? So I will keep writing whenever the mood strikes and pray that it blesses those who read it.
~Hannah
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