Renewing My Mind

    At the end of the sermon last Sunday (two weeks ago now), the visiting pastor commented on unrepentant sins/hindrances and such. Then he listed off a handful of them, such as additions. None of those are my struggles, but the area that the enemy does attack me in is my self-worth. I've spent years struggling with my personal self-worth. Professionally, my self-worth is just fine. I am confident as an employee. I know what I can and cannot do and what I am good at and what areas I could improve on. My personal life is a whole different ball game. One of which I have never really understood. Why am I confident in my professional life but not in my personal life?

    The next few minutes are a blur in regards to who said what, between the pastor, hubby and myself. Basically, I realized that I had sinned against God by believing the lies of the enemy.

    The next morning at work while priming parts in my priming booth, I was praying and asking God to forgive me for my sins. To forgive me for believing the lies of the enemy.

    The Holy Spirit reminded me to renew my mind with scripture whenever the enemy tries to tell me that I am not worth it. I then found a Bible reading plan for this exact issue and started to listen to it while I primed parts. 

    I spent a chunk of time praying and asking for forgiveness. Then The Holy Spirit led me to my next podcast to listen to that morning. The topic, “The power of forgiveness (and why it's so hard)” the Holy Spirit then revealed to me that I needed to forgive myself as well. So I did.

    I forgive myself for believing the lies of the enemy telling me that I am not worth it that I am beautiful or that I do not matter.

    I share all this because a) that's what I love to do with my blog and b) because I'm sure I'm not the only one who struggles with self-worth.

 I did not add in the written devotional blurbs that the Bible study came with because I was more interested in the Scripture references of God encouraging me in my worth. But this is the study if you are interested. In you You Version App. "Beautiful in God's Eyes: Who YOU Are in Him." From Compassion International.

Romans 12:2 NIV

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to rest and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Psalm 139:13-18 NIV

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I raise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand – when I awake, I am still with you.

1 Peter 1:18-19 NIV

For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your ancestors, but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect.

According to my study Bible, the word redeemed means to rescue. Jesus saw the value given to me by the Father that He saved me from my sins and the old way of living.

1 Peter 2:9

But you were a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.

1 Corinthians 6:20

You were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

John 3:16

For God so loved the world that he gave his only and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

1 Thessalonians 5:23

May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.

John 16:33

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.

John 10:10

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

Romans 8:28

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Genesis 16:13

She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her. “You are the God who sees me,” for she said, “I have now seen the One who sees me.”

Deuteronomy 31:6

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.

    God sees you, friend. He loves you. He chooses you. He died for you and because of Him, you are worthy. Stop sinning against God by believing the lies of the enemy. I say it like that because I didn't realize I was sinning against God by believing the lies of the enemy. It wasn't until the visiting pastor said it that it dawned on me that believing the enemy is a sin. Stand firm on the Word of God. Hide it in your heart for when the enemy attacks and tries to tell you whatever lie he thinks you will believe.

    I pray this post blesses, encourages and teaches you, friend.  I pray that you will be reminded of your God-given worth. Worth that He freely gave to you. Worth that you did not have to work for.

God Bless

~Hannah

Like Blessing in this photo, we need to focus on God's word. (I think she is focusing on hubby standing next to me while I took the photo)

Excited For June

     As I lay here in bed before going to sleep I am exhausted and sore from yesterday and the last few days. But I'm also excited about all the fun plans we have this month.

    First off, yesterday some of my coworkers and I competed in the Sydenham Dragon Boat races. We were the second fastest boat on the water and in the end, received silver in the "A" division. Pretty good for a handful of coworkers and other acquaintances. As expected I am very tired and sore from the day and unfortunately spent most of the day in bed. I got home yesterday afternoon after the races and haven't moved since. Hubby and I tried to get ready for church this morning and then looked at each other and decided neither of us had the energy to deal with people. Plus I didn't know if I could stay awake at church or how to comfortably sit in service with all those achy muscles from the races. So we stayed home.

    Next Saturday, our church is hosting a lady's event called, "Elevate." I'm so excited. I wasn't able to attend last year due to my work schedule, but this year I can. In fact when hubby and I were discussing the event after church when it was first announced. Hubby's response to me was, "Let someone else make you breakfast babe." Pretty sure I shed a tear or two when he said that. Making him breakfast is one of his favourite things that I do for him. I am excited to see what God does at this event.

    Next up, I am doing a portrait photoshoot with one of my best friends and her boyfriend. It's not very often I get to do a portrait photoshoot, so I'm very excited. Photography is one of my passions, at the moment most of my subjects are items in nature like flowers and trees and then Blessing. I want to expand my skills into other genres such as portraits. So I'm very excited. It's also a paid photoshoot, which is even more of a bonus.

    I'm also handing in my notice at my second job. It's been a year and a half of working two jobs and it's time to call it quits. I'm exhausted. Hubby has been suggesting for a while now that it was time to quit. But I'm really stubborn and didn't listen. Until now. We haven't met our financial goals yet, but we are closer than we were. And we are proud of our progress. But we are both tired of me working a second job. I only had one shift at the restaurant, but the day after that shift I was always exhausted, so in reality our family lost out on two nights when we might have time together. The second job was always meant to be temporary to give us a boost and it accomplished that goal so now it's time to get back to more normal hours and enjoy our family more.

    As I handed in my notice to my manager, she asked if it was a happy or sad letter. I said, "Happy for me and sad for you." Followed by a shared laugh.

 Once I recover from working the second job I want to try and expand my photography business and book more clients. Self-promoting and marketing are not my strong suits, so we shall see what happens.

    And Lastly, our wedding anniversary trip. At the end of the month, we are celebrating 9 years of marriage. We are thrilled to have made it this far and are excited to watch God continue to work on us. Between my second job and hubby updating his high school grade 11 English and soon starting into the grade 12 English course, we are feeling a little tired and are very excited for a little five-day holiday.

    Note. Hubby graduated high school many years ago when I did. The university God has called him to attend next wants grade 12 university-level English, and hubby took college level while in high school. So he is working very hard, kicking butt and upgrading those courses so that he can go to university. I am so proud of all the work he has been putting into his school work, working towards his career goals, and building the life together that we have always wanted.

    And there you have it friend, all the reasons why I am excited for June. I hope you have lots of exciting things coming up in the next month and beyond too.

God Bless

~Hannah

The Hamilton Museum of Steam and Technology. Used for filming the outside of the city morgue and station house number 4 in Murdock Mysteries. A beloved tv series of mine.

Enjoying the Blessing of Someone Else's Labour.

    Part of the opening remarks on a podcast I listened to at work today talked about enjoying the blessing of someone else's labour. It wasn't the topic for that episode, just her small talk about the beginning. But, it was the message that God had for me that morning. I don't remember the rest of the episode. She was referring to two new trees that she recently planted in her front yard. They were both big trees, and she was saying how she bought them that way. She didn't have to put any work into growing them herself. She was able to purchase them as fully-grown trees and started enjoying them right away.

    This opening thought got me thinking about the times when I got to enjoy someone else's labour. The first thought that came to mind was dinner at my in-law's a few months after hubby and I married. I believe it was for one of hubby's step-siblings' birthdays. The meal was chicken alfredo. A dish that I do not traditionally enjoy. But, because it was made by someone else and in someone else's clean home, it was delicious. Years later, I was talking with my stepmother-in-law about that meal. She had no memory of it and was surprised by the menu choice. Looking back, I think The Holy Spirit was blessing and teaching me about enjoying a meal in someone else's home.

    Hearing these opening remarks on the podcast also got me thinking about blessing others with my labour and that I don't always have a good attitude in the process. You see, I struggle with selfishness and don't necessarily want to bless others if it's inconvenient. It mainly occurs when trying to bless my hubby, not all the time, but sometimes. It's something that God and I are working on. I also want to bless myself with the fruits of my labour. Such as sitting back and enjoying the look of my clean home or finishing a sewing project. I usually think about our apartment being cleaned as more satisfying, but I could also look at it as a blessing.

    The idea of blessing someone with the fruits of my labour sounds great in theory, but it can be hard to act on. Mainly when I am tired, which I expect would be most people's answer.

    Today, (several days later) Blessing, and I went for a walk down a trail near our friend's house in Toronto. It's a beautiful trail that Blessing enjoyed running around off-leash. The trail was paved, and the grass on both sides had recently been mowed allowing Blessing to run around the trail with less concern for ticks versus long unkept grass. I was blessed to enjoy the labour and maintenance of this trail and blessed Blessing with off-leash time. God also stopped the rain and brought the sun out allowing me to get some beautiful photos. He did the labour, and I enjoyed eating the fruit.

Have you enjoyed the fruits of someone else's labour or blessed someone with your labour, friend?

I pray this post blesses, encourages and challenges you today, friend.

God Bless

~Hannah

Finding the beauty in the ordinary.

Counting My Calories

    On and off over the years, I have counted my calorie intake for a variety of reasons. Sometimes it's to lose a few pounds, other times it has been out of curiosity to see how much I actually consume, and every so often, it's secretly to freak out my hubby.

    I started counting them again recently. I never make it very far. It's kind of annoying logging everything you eat. But as I was contemplating my decision to count again, I started questioning myself about why I was doing it. I'm not sure if my next thought was from myself or The Holy Spirit. But my next thought was, "You log your exercise and water intake, why not log your food too." Instantly I had peace over the situation and wanted to share. It makes sense. If I'm already tracking two out of these three health factors, I might as well track my food intake. Yes, there is more to food logging than simply the number of calories you are consuming, but one step at a time.

    I'm reminded, that counting calories does not have to be a negative thing that is only for those trying to lose weight. Yes, stereotypically, it's for those wanting to lose weight, but it's time to break that stereotype. It can also be used to help you ensure that you are getting enough of all the right nutrients and help keep you in check with the bad stuff too.

    Simply put, I want to break the stigma that counting calories is only for those who need to lose weight. It's for everyone and anyone. It's no different than maintaining your spending or avoiding certain foods due to allergies or other health issues. It can also help to ensure that you are eating enough as well. Some people struggle with under eating, which of course is a whole other issue in and of itself, but the point is that if you are tracking your intake it can help you to keep track.

    Anyway, I'm no health expert on any level or a doctor. But I do feel that it's important to break the stigma around this topic. Just like mental health struggles. Counting calories is not just for bigger people, it's for all people.

    I know that by myself I probably can't change the world and how it views calorie counting. But I know that by encouraging just one person to think differently or maybe even change your mind, you will share it with someone else, and we will cause a domino effect, and eventually we will change the world.

I pray that this post blesses and encourages you today, friend.

God Bless

~Hannah

My Grace Is Sufficient For You.

    On Wednesday morning, as I entered the sanding booth to start my work day, I prayed. I asked God for strength and energy for the day. The Holy Spirit responded with, "My grace is sufficient for you." Referring to 2 Corinthians 12:9. "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." To me, at that moment, it meant that it was going to be a tiring day. But I would be okay.

    I then decided that I could take it easy that evening. You see, I woke up that morning a little exhausted. Monday night I worked in the evening and therefore didn't get to bed on time. Then on Tuesday, I had Small Group through my church which also led to a late night. Neither of which I regret attending, but by Wednesday morning, I was exhausted and dragging my feet. I quickly decided that morning that it was likely going to be a fast food for supper kind of night because I knew I wouldn't have the energy or strength to make supper. I was giving myself grace. Or at least trying to.

    Giving myself grace is not my strong suit. And on the days when I get home and don't have the energy to make supper or walk Blessing, I beat myself up and let the enemy tell me that I'm not enough and a failure. Thankfully God has other things to say. Such as, I am chosen, forgiven, redeemed, loved and His child. I'm allowed to be tired at the end of a long day. Being tired does not make me any less of a person. You could look at it as a good thing. Because it reminds me that I am human and that I need to rely on God for strength and not myself. Doesn't mean I like being tired. I don't like being tired. Makes me feel weak. Plus I'm not pleasant to be around when I am tired.

    But, in life, we have to take the good with the bad. Ying and Yang. If we don't have the bad stuff, like exhaustion, and any unpleasant emotion, we won't be able to truly appreciate the good things in life. Like enough energy to enjoy our hobbies ;) or the joy one can find in the community.

    So, I got through Wednesday, tired, but I made it. I didn't have the energy to walk Blessing and yes, beat myself up for that. I try to give myself one grace day a week where I don't have to worry about walking her. I'm sure someone out there is judging me, heck, I'm judging me. But otherwise, she gets lots of walks and runs every week. In fact, on Thursday, I meant to walk 5km and accidentally walked 6.5 km. I miscalculated the route we took. I stuck to my plan of take out for supper, and beat myself up the whole time for it, even though I didn't have the energy for it anyways. This sounds like one big pity party. Which is not my intention. I simply want to share that God gives us grace, so we should give ourselves grace too.

    I pray this post finds you well and resting up for the next work week ahead. I'm going to eat a piece of cake, sew a quick little project and call it a day.

God Bless my friend.

~Hannah

Overthinking

    It's one of my least favourite characteristics that make up who I am. Someone made a critical comment about my appearance a week ago, and I have been thinking about it ever since. They weren't trying to be rude or hurt my feelings. They were just being honest and blunt.

    At first, I didn't let it get to me. But then I talked to hubby about it and started processing it. I spent most of the next week obsessing over it and considering changing part of my personality to "fix this flaw."

    Finally, I looked at hubby last night and asked him if I was overthinking it. Without hesitation, he said yes. It was a relief to hear him say that because it helped me to move on from it.

    Today, I was at it again. I have an upcoming purchase to make and was overthinking how to make it all work. There is a very simple solution to it all, but first, I need to waste a whole lot of time and energy overthinking it.

    At one point, I wanted to make some adjustments to how and what I eat. I wanted to get rid of some of the junk and replace it with healthier food items.

    I spend way too much time overthinking way too many topics and items. And if you add tiredness to the mix, it's a whole other situation where I usually end up having a meltdown and cry. I also spent time overthinking the length of this post and whether or not it was going to be long enough. There is no right length of course. But, that's what happens in my brain when I overthink. I panic and have anxiety over everything.

    I wanted to share this story with you because I think it's funny how I spent so much time overthinking what someone said to me and that I overthink a lot of stuff. I suspect that those of you who overthink as well are sitting on your couch or wherever you are, raising your hands and saying, "Me too!" I hope this gives you a chuckle and puts a smile on your face, friend.

God Bless

~Hannah

I wrote this journal entry before my "My Gut-Wrenching Honest Prayer post. But I didn't get a chance to type it up last week.

My late grandparents cottage.

My Gut-Wrenching Honest Prayer.

     Lord, please forgive me for my bad attitude, pride, lack of self-control, and control issues.

    It has been quite the week. Season really, but also a particularly rough week. I allow my circumstances to dictate my mood so often that it has led me to have a bad attitude.

    Father, I've spent the last week thinking that I can't do anything about all these sin issues that I am struggling with. The enemy convinced me that the only thing in me was my human/sinful nature. And that only You can fix me. Which is true in part. Then You reminded me in this week's devo with hubby that I can be a part of the change and that I have a hand in this. You reminded me that I need to exercise self-control and that it will be a start for working through these issues.

    It's going to be a long road to work through all these issues, but I know You are faithful. You will never leave me nor forsake me.

    You reminded me of my free will the other day through our devotional and that also helped to remind me that I do have some control and can exercise correct control there. Control over my thoughts and actions.

    Thank you, Lord, for dying on the cross for me and my sins. Thank you to my hubby who is faithfully walking beside me as I navigate these issues. Amen.

    From our devotional on April 24th. "When it comes to the subject of self-control, many of us would like to dodge the issue. Maybe we would like to think there is a way to put our minds, will and emotions under God's "remote control." Instead of having to take responsibility for our actions and decisions, we think it would be easier for God to simply control us. However, God has a more creative plan in mind. He designed us with limited free will. This means we have the ability to choose right over wrong and self-control over emotional responses." From the book, The Daily Way. By Michael Youssef, Ph.D. That night's devotional hit me between the eyes.

    The next night's devotional added to the previous night's lesson very nicely. "A person who has an undisciplined spirit or no self-control is like a city without walls. He or she is open to enemy attack at any given moment. When we fail to exercise a spirit of self-control, the wild animals of jealousy, rage, frustration, gossip, false witness, and more can enter our lives easily and unopposed. The lack of self-control is Satan's way of preparing us for destruction."

    My gut-wrenching, honest prayer this morning to the Lord. Hubby and I talked last night and this morning, and he forgave me for my sins this week. But I hadn't asked God to forgive me yet or forgive myself. While doing laundry this morning, I wrote out my prayer in my journal, and God lifted the heavy weight of shame off my shoulders. I'm not off the hook by any means. Now, I have to walk out what I believe and am learning. But with God and my hubby beside me, I can do it.

    I share all this because that's what my blog is all about. I write about my struggles and remind both you and myself that neither of us is alone in our struggles. God is with us. I also believe that more than ever God is calling me to share these particular struggles with you. I expect it to keep me humble and accountable.

    I pray this post encourages you that you are not alone in your struggles and that we all fall short of the glory of God. But we serve The God of mercy and grace and of second chances.

Happy Sunday, friend.

God Bless

~Hannah

Testing mom's blood at my sister Rae's Family and Friends Day at school.