The 80/20 Life

    I am a perfectionist. I desire everything in my life to be perfect. I want my home to be clean, have laundry up to date, only eat healthy home-cooked food, exercise daily, etc. I want to dress up and have my hair and makeup done at all times. I want perfection.

    One problem, I'm human with a sinful nature and therefore cannot be perfect. No one can. Thanks, Adam and Eve.

    I was recently reminded that it is okay to not be perfect. Only God is perfect, but He does not expect me to be perfect. So neither should I. Easier said than done. While I pondered this and other thoughts, God reminded me of the 80/20 rule. A concept I heard of years ago. In that particular situation, the topic was food and dietary choices. A classmate of mine wanted to be a vegetarian, but her boyfriend's family liked steak and other red meat. She was not sure how to handle the situation. She asked her doctor, and they suggested that when she cooked for herself or was at a restaurant and could order for herself that she should practice being a vegetarian. Then when she was at her boyfriend's house or a guest somewhere else and did not want to impose, to eat the meat that was being served. I thought it made great sense and have tried to implement it in different areas of my life over the years. Mainly in the category of food as well.

    Since then, I have realized you can apply this rule to any area of your life. Simply means that applying the 80/20 rule allows me to give myself grace and not expect perfection out of myself all day, every day. Someone once said in a youtube video that they too aim for 80%. For them, it was 80% of the time their home was 80% clean. I figured it was a respectable goal for them, they had a full-size house and children. Meaning that their home will never be fully cleaned or at least not likely. If you are someone who does have a full-size home with small children and manages to keep your home clean at all times, I top my hat to you. When I compared myself to this person. I know, the comparison road is never a good road to drive down. Anyways, I compared this YouTuber's life to mine and thought, 'If she can keep her home 80% clean 80% of the time, then there is no excuse for our two-person, and dog apartment clean 100% of the time. Thankfully just because she can keep a bigger, busier space clean does not mean I have to keep my smaller, quieter space cleaner than hers. Because it truly is not about competition. Despite what social media tells us. Plus, in reality, perfection is not real. It is simply a fantasy that we like to dream about. Because in the real world, there are days when the dishes do not get done, and like today, there will be days when I am not wearing a pretty dress. I have spent the last few days in skirts and dresses for family Christmas functions, and now I am lounging on my couch in sweatpants and a sweater, and tomorrow I will be back in a dress for another family gathering. That being said, I do love dressing up and wearing makeup. But this morning, after hubby and I drove one of our guests home, I decided that there was no shame in putting on sweatpants and a sweater and simply relaxing for a while. Because like the perfect "little black dress" sweatpants have their place too.

    Because we all know the truth, our "high light real" on Instagram and Facebook is not real or at least not an everyday event.

    Implementing the 80/20 rule into my life will not only help me to give myself the grace I mentioned earlier but also, give myself a goal that is still reachable but still nice and high, making it all the more satisfying when I reach it. 

    During this whole brainstorming session, I was listening to a podcast and was taught/reminded that whatever standards we hold ourselves to, we also expect everyone around us to too. A reality I knew but needed a reminder of. The host of the podcast was reminding the listeners that it is important to give ourselves grace so that we can extend that grace to those around us as well. She gave an example of a college roommate she had and how the roommate did not feel relaxed/comfortable around her, or at least not as relaxed as she would like to be because of her high standards. Because the roommate was afraid that she would impose her standards on her as well and the roommate knew she would not measure up. The host finished the story by saying that she and the roommate had a good talk and it was a point of growth for both of them. The whole story reminded me of a lesson God taught me about a year ago, even though I have high standards and do not need to be ashamed of them, I cannot impose them on others. Funny how God brings things back to mind. Another viewpoint of high personal standards is that those of us who have high standards, are likely uptight. This is okay, but I have lovelily been reminded, by people who mean a lot to me and have reminded me that it is not fun to be around uptight people and that it is okay to relax and have fun. That does not mean we have to change for those around us, but simply a gentle reminder that it is okay to relax, unwind and let our hair down now and then.

    So the next day I was pondering how all these new thoughts and ideas would look in my life and how things would change. Being the type A personality I am, I did the math. No, I do not like math, but I do like a well-organized plan. If seven days, a full week equals 100% then what is 80%? Roughly six days. Not perfect math, but it sure does paint a picture. The picture of creation. God reminded me of what He instructed us in Genesis, that we are to work six days a week and, on the seventh day, we rest from our work. A beautiful reminder that God does not expect perfection from us. Not only does He allows us to rest but intentionally designed a day for us to rest and give ourselves grace. Coincidence? Maybe, but last I checked God does not operate in coincidences. He operates in miracles and blessings and I think it's time we started counting the blessing of not needing to be perfect.

    Now I'm not saying that I will give myself a free pass and not do dishes on Sundays or any other day. But  I do love the parallel between the grace that not only God gives me but wants me to give myself. We serve an incredible and good God who thinks of every little detail long before I do and has an answer ready for me when the time is right.

    So, as the new year approaches, I am looking forward to implementing this new 80/20% rule and giving myself grace for the days that the laundry hamper is overflowing or it's a take-out night instead of a healthy stir fry. Because let's face it, perfection is exhausting, and beating myself up mentally for not being perfect is just as unhealthy as a Big Mac from Mcdonald's.

 In closing friends, work hard and honor God and enjoy your God-given grace and rest. 

Perfection is not real, but God is.

God Bless

~Hannah

A beautiful reminder that perfection is not real. If it was, Blessing would be looking at the camera, but like her mama, she isn't perfect either. But we love her anyways.

Lest We Forget

     Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

    Over the last few weeks, I have been thinking about Remembrance Day and all it means to us. One of my biggest thoughts has been how brave our men and woman are who serve. They willingly go into dangerous war zones where they will come into contact with the "enemy" and line of fire and the possibility of being shot and killed. To me, that sounds terrifying. So to me, it takes a special breed of people who are willing to serve our country in battle knowing that they may not come home.

    I was listening to a podcast the other day and they mentioned Joshua 1:9 and I thought this verse perfectly describes our men and woman in uniform. They are also being godly examples of who and what God has called us to be and do as believers. I know not all believers are called to be soldiers and for which I am grateful. Nonetheless, we are called to be strong and courageous in our own lives.

    I saw a post on Facebook on Remembrance day from one vet to another reminding their fellow military friends that Remembrance Day can be hard for them and reminded them that it could be a trigger for them. It was a thought I hadn't given any thought to before, but very true. Remembrance Day is the one day of the year that as a country we stop and think of and hopefully thank a soldier for their sacrifice. It never occurred to me that it would also be a PTSD trigger.

    I've always thought of Remembrance Day as a day of celebrating our vets and the freedom that they gave us and everyone they have fought on behalf of. Now I want to take my newfound knowledge about how Remembrance Day can/does affect them I want to be more conscious about Remembrance Day. No, I have no idea what that will look like. I consider myself very respectful of that day and the days leading up to Remembrance Day, but it has given me something to think about.

    Remembrance Day means different things to different people. Some are mourning a loved one who died in combat. For others, it is simply thinking of and thanking those who have served and those who are currently serving.

    For myself and countless others who have siblings, parents, aunts, uncles, etc serving presently or in the past it is that much more significant and close to home. For me, it became more real when my brother joined the military. My grandfather served in WWII and then passed away when I was 14. But it did not hit home then like it does now. Maybe because everyone's grandparents served or because  I was young and did not fully understand what it was all about. It was head knowledge but not heart knowledge. These days it is much closer because I have a brother and sister-in-law who serve. I'm not here to put either of them on a pedestal or anything else today. Although I am very proud of them. I'm simply saying that I am that much more grateful and have a greater understanding of what it is like to serve than I did as a child. Which I suspect is the case for many of us. We learn as we grow.

My point in all this is to say thank you to our brave men and women to serve our country. Lest We Forget.

Not a poppy, but its red and pretty. Taken in my parent's backyard.

Obedience in the Small Things

    Sensory Exercise. I used a bottle of nail polish. As I held it in my left hand, I felt its shape, size, weight, etc. I  tried to squeeze it, but of course, you can only squeeze so far because it is glass. I'm not able to shrink glass like a squishy toy, plus if I did squeeze it and I was strong enough, I would break it which would make a big mess. Paint everywhere, dangerous glass that could cut me and anyone else who comes near me. Just like when I try to control situations that are not mine to control.

    God didn't create me to be strong enough to be able to break the bottle or be able to handle life on my own. If He did create me like that then I wouldn't need Him or anyone else and I believe He knew that when He created me and everyone else on this earth. Not everything is in our control. Nor is it supposed to be.

    When I took the bottle out of my left hand and put it on my lap, leaving both palms free and facing up, I  then examined my left hand. It felt like a weight had been lifted (yes, I know a literal weight had been lifted, but it also felt spiritual). Like God was taking away the burden. The sensation still felt heavy and yet empty. Like I had given something up. It felt relieving. Felt good to put it down.

    For a long time, I have been trying to put down my anger and control at the foot of the cross and simply give it to God. Unfortunately, it hasn't always worked.

    The church spends a lot of time telling us to leave our burdens at the feet of Jesus and walk in freedom. For some, it works and we can instantly walk away from these or other problems. Whereas for others, it is a process that involves counseling to help you get to the root of the problem and allow God to heal those issues/wounds. Even in the Bible, some people were healed instantly, and yet there was the one man who had to wash seven times before he was fully healed.

    When I sat down to do this sensory training homework from my counselor I felt a little awkward and silly. But I wanted to be faithful to my homework from my counselor and put the effort in so I can continue to grow. I read the instructions and started the exercise and from the moment I tried to squeeze the bottle until I took it out of my hand, God and I shared a wonderful moment and an amazing lesson. Neither of which I was expecting but I am so blessed for having experienced them. After sitting quietly with God for a moment I know I needed to journal to help me further process these experiences so I could share them with my counselor during our next session. As I was writing out what I was feeling, experiencing, and thinking about God kept revealing more to me which has now led me to this full-size post that I was not expecting to write or share. It reminds me of the saying, "if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans." Well, my plan was simply to be obedient to my homework and not only talk the talk but walk the walk. God had other plans and wanted to teach and bless me through this exercise. No complaints here friends.

    When I was writing the end of this post and thinking about the lesson/ message God wanted me to share with you. My first thought was that it was the whole, "let go and let God." Let God take control of your life and of those difficult situations where we think we know best, but in reality, God knows best. And I'm sure for some of you, this will then be the lesson you take away.

    For others, I believe it is about obedience. When we are obedient in the small things, like doing this little exercise, God rewards and blesses us.

    So what things do you need to let go of or be obedient to friends?

Copyright for this exercise goes to my counselor and their office. I did not use the full name of the exercise or fully describe how to do the exercise or the science behind the exercise, but I would rather be safe than sorry. I am simply sharing how God used the exercise, to draw me closer to Him.

God Bless

~Hannah

A beautiful scene on a beautiful day.

First Box

I have wanted to write short stories for a while now and finally started. Found a "writing prompt" on Pinterest about packing a box. The rest was my imagination. Enjoy. 

    Emily sat down on the floor and started packing the first box. She had been avoiding packing for months. She kept telling herself she was too busy and would get to it later. Truthfully, she was avoiding the task altogether. Because the longer she avoided packing the first box, she could still pretend that her beloved grandparents were still alive and coming over for Sunday dinner. If she started packing up their things, she would have to admit; that they were gone. A reality she knew in her heart but did not want to admit out loud. Grandma died last year and Grandpa just a few months ago, but by having their possessions on display, it was as if they were still alive.

    When her grandparents went into the nursing home, Emily and her husband moved out of their apartment and into her grandparent's house. The house was part of her inheritance. When her grandparents moved into the nursing home they wanted her to move into their home right away to maintain it and save on living expenses.

    Since grandpa's funeral, she had slowly moved their possessions into the spare bedroom which was now collecting dust. It did not feel right to move their things before they had passed. She had already picked her favorite pictures, books, and knickknacks that she had adored since childhood. She was not getting rid of all their things. Just things that she nor anyone else would have any use for, and it was not like she was just throwing it all out. She was going to donate it to a local charity for those less fortunate. A request her grandparents had stated in their will. They did not want to be a burden once they were gone. They gave instructions for certain items, like the glass candy that, they knew she wanted. Which was now happily on display in her living room. For other stuff, they simply said take what you want and donate the rest. They did not want their loved ones storing their possessions and taking up unnecessary space in their homes. They knew that the stuff was not important. The memories and love that they all shared were important.

    Even still, the task in front of Emily felt like the biggest job she had ever taken on. Of course, it was not the biggest task of her life, after all, she was a high-power lawyer. Putting things in a box was nothing compared to the cases she handled at work every day. But in her heart, it was the biggest task ever. Saying good buy to her grandparents was in reality saying goodbye to the only family she ever had. Her parents died in a tragic car accident when she was five years old, so her grandparents raised her. Despite the great loss her family suffered, they made a beautiful life for the three of them. She would be eternally grateful for them.

    It was time; time to pack the boxes and say good bye to her grandparents.

    You see, her spare room was no longer a "spare room" it was going to be the new nursery. She and her husband found out a few weeks ago that they were expecting a baby girl and now they needed to transform their spare room into a castle fit for a princess.

    They still had six months until their baby girl would arrive. But, she wanted to have lots of time to enjoy the process of building her little girl's room and not simply rush through it. But before she could start envisioning the room, it needed to be cleaned out and cleanse her palette as it were.

    So she took a deep breath, grabbed the first cardboard box, and started gently packing her grandparent's belongings. Before long, the box was full and she was ready for the next one. Before long she had packed several boxes and came to realize how much better she was feeling. As Emily packed another box she saw a little sign that her grandparents hung in their entranceway by the shoe rack that read, "The first step is always the hardest." She paused for a moment to reflect on how relevant that was today. Now that she was past the first "step" and had packed the first box, the rest were simply boxes, and, in a few short hours, they would all be packed and ready to be donated. She was happy with herself. Not only was she getting a big chore done, but she was finally getting the closure she needed in order to move on with her life. She was no longer in denial of her grandparent's death. Instead of missing her grandparents and wishing they were still alive, she could now look back at the memories she shared with them and be grateful for the life she shared with them. She would always miss them, but in a different way. Her mourning would now gradually turn into sweet memories. She was amazed by how much closure she had received by simply taking the first step and packing that first box. She felt proud of herself for finally taking the first step in moving on. Her husband would be home from work in an hour, and then they could pack the truck and donate the boxes. Then tomorrow, after work, she could start envisioning her baby girl's new bedroom and start planning for their next adventure of parenthood. The thought of decorating the room brought a smile to her face because she knew this was what her grandparents would want. Her only regret was that they would never meet their great-granddaughter on this side of Heaven, but she took comfort in knowing that; they would be watching over her.

    As she got up off the floor and looked around the room, she was amazed by how much was now possible simply because she packed the first box.

Season of Change

    It's been a busy and stressful few weeks. I started counseling, a new job (within the company I currently work for) and trying to change some personal habits/routines to better my life and my family.

    I'm excited to start digging deep and working with my counselor on my anger, control, and self-worth issues. I've needed counseling for quite some time and have finally found one that is affordable and faith-based. Praise God. From my first session alone, I learned that I am not an angry person. I get angry. When a situation is not going the way I want it to and how to deal with those emotions more healthily. I will be learning to widen my "window of tolerance" which will inevitably reduce my reactions.

    I do not want anger and frustration to be the results when I feel triggered and I am excited to work with God and my counselor to be the woman of God that God designed me to be before I was even born. Because I am not an angry person, I just get frustrated easily.

    I was reflecting on who I am on the way to my first session and my response was, "I'm a workaholic who does not get to enjoy the life I want to because I am either working or tired from working and then I get frustrated because of it." So I am trying to have a better work/life balance. Ironically I am starting up a dog walking business on top of my regular job, so I'm not sure I understand the concept of work/life balance. That or I'm ignoring my needs and living in "robot" mode. Something else I also need to work on. Thank goodness we are all a "work in progress."

    A few weeks ago, an opening came up at work for a painter. A clean job, no more sanding dust. Since I started working for this company last November and subtracting the month that I left and tried a different job, I have been sanding a variety of car parts for the last nine months. Needless to say, I got bored and wanted something new. So I applied for the painter job and God blessed me with the job. Like any new job, the first few days were stressful while I started learning this new skill. I moved around a bit between the different steps of the painting process and started to get a feel for the steps that I understood and the ones that escaped me. Thankfully when it came time to be officially placed and fully learn the step I would be in my bosses and I agreed on what step was the best fit for me. I am now digging into the techniques and tips and tricks for doing my new job and I can honestly say I like it. It was so satisfying when my trainer would inspect a part I had painted and approve of the part. One of my favorite benefits of my new job is that I am now in a painter's suit and no longer wearing a mask. Meaning I can wear makeup without it rubbing off on the mask. I do not require makeup to leave my home or anything, but I enjoy it, and it is part of my self-care routine. For me, taking the time to do my makeup instead dusting or folding the laundry tells me that I am important and it is okay to take a few minutes for myself.

    In regards to my personal life and my routines and habits. I wanted to reduce my tv time and input more reading time. I enjoy reading, mainly in bed before going to sleep, it helps me relax and unwind. For years I have wanted to enjoy reading during the day (on the weekends) but I am also a bit of a tv junky and can easily spend hours watching tv instead of reading a book. Plus because reading puts me to sleep I would only ever read for a half hour or so before falling asleep for a bit, which was kind of annoying. Tv does not put me to sleep.

    The first week I started by simply trying to replace tv with reading. So instead of watching tv in the evening for an hour before going to bed, I would pick up my book. After a few days I was enjoying it and was impressed with how much I was reading (I'm a slow reader). I had taken a few books out from the library and when I realized how thick they were and how long the rental window is for them I knew I would have to power read them. Yes, I know I can renew them. But the idea of renewing them was giving me anxiety. (don't ask, I don't know why) So I got intentional with reading them. So intense that I finished them both within two weeks. They are not due for five more days. In the past, a book of roughly 400 pages would take me a month. Well with my new routine changes I read each of them in a week. Leaving a week to spare before they are due back. Just goes to show what you can do when you put your mind to it and stop making excuses. The best part of my tv vs reading time is that now I have almost no interest in tv. No, I'm not a tv snob or anything, hubby and I enjoy watching tv together still. But now I enjoy reading instead of watching tv. Something I have wanted for years. I usually feel bad and upset with myself when I binge tv on the weekends. This Saturday I spent probably 8 hours reading, finished the second book, and felt satisfied. 

    I also wanted to change up my daily/weekly routine to better manage my time and energy and "waste" less time. Thankfully my new shift time at work is encouraging those changes. I am still ironing out the kinks for those new routines, but I have a better idea of how to do it now versus a week ago.

    Because of how busy the last few weeks have been I was looking forward to relaxing this weekend and I believe I have reached that goal. My favorite part of all this is that because I got better with my reading/relaxing habit over the last two weeks I was already prepared for and knew how to unwind when Saturday morning arrived and did not have to stress over how to. I guess you could say I'm slowly learning how to work hard and play hard.

    So that is where I am at friends. When I sat down to start typing this post the enemy started telling me lies that no one cares about what I had to say in this post and I started to doubt why I was writing it. I then started questioning what things I should write about in my blog because I enjoy my blog. My hubby came into the living room a few minutes later and asked how I was doing. I told him about my feeling and my anxieties about my blog and he asked me, "Are you writing for attention or yourself?" I said, "Because I like writing and like my blog." Then he said, "So write it." Such a wise man. Of course, he is right. I do enjoy my blog. Yes, I enjoy the lovely comments telling me you enjoyed reading it and my skills as a writer. Who doesn't like a pat on the back? So I will keep writing whenever the mood strikes and pray that it blesses those who read it.

~Hannah

Good, Better, Best.

    There have been a few things on my mind these last few weeks. Mainly the cleanliness of my home. How I spend my time. And the goals I have for myself and my family that has changed. I have been feeling the need a purge/ declutter for a few weeks and thinking about what I didn't want or need anymore. I have had a few boxes sitting in the living room for several months waiting to be donated, and this past week I finally finished adding to them and will take them to Value Village. Okay, I only added a few things that I have known for a long time that I do not use and finally accepted that fact about myself and got rid of the items. I still want to go through every room of our home and purge. No, I do not expect to get rid of a lot more, but some nonetheless.

    For years now, I have enjoyed organizing and decluttering. No, I'm not a minimalist, but there is something so satisfying about getting rid of stuff and not being weighed down by things. I have a backpack-style purse and love it. It is always full of stuff for "just in case," and nine times out of ten, I do not need any of it. I cleaned it out a week ago, and it felt great having less weight on my back. I like to carry a book and notebook everywhere just in case. Most of the time, when I am out, I'm running errands, and thus I'm not waiting in the car with a few minutes to spare to read. So, now I take a better look at what activities I will be doing when I leave home and judge properly if bringing the extra weight of a book is reasonable.

    I realized I spend a lot of time cleaning or thinking about what needs to be cleaned and arranging my weekly schedule to fit it all in. Like most of us, I'm a little tired of it. It occurred to me that if I had less stuff, I would have less to clean and maintain. Like I said earlier, I collected a handful of items that I had been thinking of donating and added them to the existing boxes, and now they are ready for their new homes. I don't mind cleaning and I enjoy a clean home, but if I spend most of my at-home time cleaning or thinking about cleaning it's time for a change. Time to reevaluate some of the stuff we have in our home. Of course, I'm not talking about family pictures or sentimental stuff. Just the stuff that we never use but always think we will someday. Like battery-operated candles. Candles scare me, so I bought battery-operated ones thinking I would enjoy them. Never used them. All they do is collect dust. So into the box they go.

    I have also been thinking about a concept I learned while working from home for the call center, "Good, better, best." It was an exercise we used while learning about taking customer calls. We would listen to a recording and evaluate the call via "good, better, best." I asked myself if the activity I was doing at the moment (likely scrolling on Facebook, I don't remember the exact moment) was a good use of my time or if there was an activity that was a better/ best use of my time? Note. There is nothing wrong with hanging out on Facebook or any other social media. They have their purpose. I just use them too much. Anyways, I then found an activity that was a better use of my time and continued with my day. I have slowly been practicing my "good, better, best" question and find myself being more productive and managing my time better. Now I have more time for the things I enjoy and family time. I'm spending more time in my Bible because let's face it. Spending time with God is ultimately the best use of our time. It's not just about my time with God though, I also need to ask myself if one more episode of my current tv show is a good use of my time or if going to bed on time is a better use of my time. Respecting bedtime is always a better use of time friend. Regardless of what season of life you are in, getting a good night's sleep is always the right answer. Because by going to bed on time you are setting yourself up for a better night's sleep and the potential of a great day tomorrow where you can accomplish all the stuff you need and want to get done vs being tired and dragging your feet through the day. Yes, I am guilty of the latter, but I'm working on it.

    I saw a quote from a friend on Facebook a few weeks ago that read, "Does this support the life I am trying to create?" Thanks, Kate. I thought it was pretty awesome and, it tied in so nicely with my other decluttering and time management skills I am working on. As you can see it's been a rather philosophical few weeks, and I am now getting these thoughts and action plans on paper and flushing them out.

    What Kate said makes so much sense. The things we spend time thinking about, activities we are partaking in, and what we spend our money on are shaping the life we are creating for ourselves and our families. Not a bad thing, of course, just a thing. But are those thoughts, actions/activities, and financial choices the best choices for us and our family? So I have slowly started "cleaning up" my life as it were. I'm decluttering so that I don't have as much stuff to take care of. Allowing me to spend more time with my family. I'm working on reducing/re-arranging my screen time to more book and Bible reading. I am a book worm but I also like screens and I know that the less screen time and the more book time whether that be a novel or my Bible the more relaxed and calm I am. Making me a much nicer person to hang out with. Because stressed out, anxious and tired Hannah is not that fun to be around. Even I don't like her, and she is me.

    I am evaluating the goal list that I have been building and working on for the last several years and realizing that some of those goals are no longer serving their purpose and I am simply stressing over trying to make them happen. Like Blessing, our four-legged, tail-wagging little girl. I was encouraged to train her to be a therapy dog when she was a puppy and ever since then I have been working towards that goal. We have been taking obedience classes to a) build a family dog and b) train for therapy. We still have another level to complete before we do can the therapy course, but I have come to realize it's no longer a goal of mine. I don't want to add another thing to my schedule once we complete the training. Plus obedience school and therapy training are expensive. So instead of stressing over that goal, I want to enjoy our family dog. Yes, I want to complete the last level of obedience school to learn more, but that is it. There are a handful of other goals and plans that have now been changed or taken out completely. Because as we grow and change, our goals change with us, and I am now seeing the importance of re-evaluating those goes to check and see that they are still serving their intended purpose, and if they are not, fix them or trash them entirely.

    You see, creating an epic life is not about how much you can fit into your week. It's about enjoying the things you are doing. For me, it's a quieter life with my family and not running from one activity to the next. That said, if you and your family enjoy an active life with lots of extracurricular activities, hats off to you. I will be watching and cheering you on from the sideline (likely on Facebook and other social media posts). I was listening to a podcast the other morning while Blessing and I took our walk, "She Reads Truth." I forget the episode or topic, but at one point, they were talking about new Year resolutions and what all they involve. The guest said his family doesn't add goals to their new year like many of us. They look at their life and subtract stuff. I forget all his reasoning behind it, but it sticks with me and ties in nicely with all the other stuff I have been pondering. My take away from it was emphasizing the importance of what we deem important in our lives and what we can give up.

    To sum it all up, are we creating the life that we want to live or are we creating the life we think we should be living and likely following someone else's Instagram highlights and trying to copy them? There is nothing wrong with celebrating and sharing our successes and highlights of our day or week with our friends on social media. Trouble comes in when we compare our "lesser stuff" to someone's highlights. Again, not slamming social media. It has its uses and its place in our lives. We (and by we, I mean me) need to keep track of it and what it is doing in our lives.

I pray this post blesses you and encourages you in your walk with God today.

God Bless

~Hannah

A pretty flower from a pretty garden.

The Grass Isn't Greener On The Other Side

    Last month I changed jobs. I went from a factory job to a call center. I was excited about all the perks of the new job. Working from home, no more dirty work clothing, etc. I have a handful of years of customer experience in different areas, so I figured I could handle it. The first week was great, and training was progressing smoothly. The second and third weeks started getting stressful the closer we got to finishing our training before taking live customer calls. I prayed over my anxiety and, between my hubby and a few other people encouraging me. I felt better. Nervous, but better.

    Then last Thursday, we started taking live calls. Oh man, stressful. At the end of my shift on Friday, my supervisor pointed out a few mistakes I had made over the last two days and it threw me over the edge. The mistakes were easy enough to fix and I knew that logically, but when stress and anxiety enter the room, logic exits. My stress and anxiety levels were at an all-time high. I got off work and called my mom, and through my tears, I vented and told her I was looking for new work. I knew it had only been two days, but I couldn't do this job.

    Hubby and I decided I would take Monday off and hand out resumes and get out of this call center job. That didn't reduce my anxiety though. I spent the entire weekend dealing with one very long intense anxiety attack. So much so that I could not even look at the corner of our living room where my work computer was sitting. I spent the weekend watching "The Golden Girls" and sleeping. That tv show calms me down a little.

    Monday morning arrived, and I headed out with resumes. I returned to the factory I had left a month ago, hoping they would take me back. I knew I had reasons why I left the factory  I was working in but I also knew that they were nowhere near as bad as the anxiety I was facing from the call center. So I went into the office with my resume and said I wanted to apply for my old job. The receptionist took my resume and said she would give it to the hiring manager when she got out of a meeting. I said thank you and continued handing out more resumes. Monday afternoon, the hiring manager called and set up a meeting with me for Tuesday morning. I happily accepted it. I proceeded to pray over the meeting. Prayed that it would go smoothly and that the factory would remember my work ethic and take me back. Sure enough, God showered me with His grace and mercy, and the factory remembered me favorably and agreed to take me back. It pays to work hard and not burn bridges, even if you think you will never return to that place. I then finished my work day at the call center. Okay, I didn't finish the day. I quite an hr an a half before the day ended and then took the computer back to the office. Then came home and cleaned up the corner where my computer was sitting. I decided earlier that day that I wanted to transform the corner from a work corner to a cozy reading corner. Taking it from a stress-inducing corner to a relaxing corner.

    I spent the evening tidying our apartment and preparing for the next day. My anxiety and stress had been so intense for a sold week that it took an entire evening and into the next morning to come down. Longer than I had expected. I figured once I handed the computer back I would feel instantly relieved, but I guess when you have been on an emotional high for a week straight it takes some time to come down from it. That's okay though.

    The next morning, Wednesday, I happily headed to the factory and returned to my old job. It was a good and hard day. I had spent the last month sitting at a desk not using any muscles and then I returned to a standing position sanding spoilers for the back of cars. My muscles were not prepared for that. By the end of the day, my arms were numb from sanding, my neck and shoulders were sore from leaning over the spoilers, and my legs from standing. But I was and am so happy to be back there. Throughout the day, I would stop and take a minute to stretch and every time I did I thought that even though I was sore, it was so much better than the stress I had faced a few days before.

    It is now the weekend. I have been back at the factory for three days now. Yes, I'm sore but so grateful. I learned a valuable lesson this past week. It isn't always greener on the other side. A cleaner work environment does not equal greener grass. I have never been more grateful to be in a factory than I am now. Guess I needed a perspective adjustment.

    For years my perception of factories has been that they are for uneducated people and that it's a dead-end job. That may be true for some it isn't for all.

    Working in the call center made me realize that I am built for physical jobs and not desk jobs. Makes sense, I spent the last several years working physical jobs, all while wanting to return to customer service. But call centers are very different then the other customer service positions I have held over the years. It also made me realize that I can handle a whole lot more physical pain than mental pain. I can handle sore muscles, yes, they are not pleasant, but I can manage. Where I have come to realize that I crumble under mental pressure. I am grateful to know this newfound fact about myself though. I hadn't thought about my ability to handle mental stress vs physical stress before. Yes, I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression a few years ago, but most days they do not get too much in the way of my everyday routines. This time they did and it concerned both myself and my hubby with how I handled the stress and anxiety. I did not eat for a week. Instead of consuming 1,500 to 2,000 calories a day, I was consuming closer to 500 to 1,000 at the most. Thankfully I am back on track now and working at putting back on the few pounds I lost.

    All in all, it's been a heck of a week. I am grateful for the lesson I learned this last week, that the grass is not greener in customer service vs a factory. I believe God wanted my perspective of factories to change, so He gave me a customer service position that I thought was a dream come true to show me that it is okay to work in a factory. I still believe that God handed me the call center job, but now I understand why. I thought it was so I could dress up every day like the girly girl I am, now I know it was about my perspective of factories. Yes, the area I currently work in is dirty and smelly, but it's still an important job that needs to be done. This can be said about all jobs in a factory. Regardless of what your factory produces, whether that be car parts or pickles, the public needs that product and therefore your job is needed and important.

    When I first arrived at this factory I was grateful for a job, and even though it was not a glamorous job, I knew someone needed to do it, so why not me. During my initial time there my opinion changed, and I wanted out. Now I am back to the same opinion. Not a glamourous job, but still an important one that I am now more than ever, happy to do. I can now say that I expect to stay here for a while.

    So there it is friends, I am back in the factory and thrilled. Are there any areas in your life where you think the grass is greener on the other side? I am sure we can all think of a few. In fact, I am thinking of a few other areas in my life where I need to water the grass on my side a little more and not compare the grass on the other side of the fence.

Thank you for reading and sharing my experience with me this week.

God Bless

~Hannah

I wanted this week's photo to be of my new cozy reading area, but I haven't finished transforming it yet. So a picture of my best friend will do very nicely instead. Plus the grass is really green in this photo.

The Power of Words

    Three weeks ago I started a new job. The first few days were a mix of stress and excitement as I settled into my new routine and began to learn about my job. We started training, and it was going well. Then it began to get more complicated, and I started to stress and get anxious. I began to question whether or not I could do this job.

    I was praying about the job and asking God for direction. I told God that He had brought me the job. Then He reminded me that I needed to "show up" meaning I needed to pay more attention to the training and take better notes. So I accepted my discipline from God and started working harder. Still felt lots of anxiety though, and it was starting to remind me of a job I had a year ago where I would cry and have anxiety attacks every day before going to work. I was questioning this job so much that I started to look for other work. Then one day, I was venting to my hubby, who then unknowingly gave me a word from God. I knew exactly what I needed to do.

    I was afraid that once I started taking customer calls I would freeze, panic, and forget everything I had learned. I needed to make a fancy detailed cheat sheet to help guide me while I assisted customers. I had notes, but they needed to be detailed. So I prayed and asked God what my cheat sheet should look like and He directed me. He took my anxiety away and guided me through making my new aid.

    So I continued learning about my new role and working hard to make my cheat sheet. I mentioned my cheat sheet to my trainer, to a) clarify that I could make it and b) to see if I could work late outside of our normal hours to work on it. He loved the idea and encouraged me to make it. He also said that there would be time within the next couple of days where I would be able to work on it and wouldn't need to work after my scheduled shift to finish it. Wonderful news.

    Later that week, my sister and I were on the phone chatting about life and our families. I updated her on my new job. Told her I am now working in customer service from home. Before even telling her about my stress about the job she instantly said that the job was right up my alley. Major confidence boost. She's not wrong, of course. I enjoy talking to people and I am loving the perks of working from home. She reminded me that yes, it would be scary, but once I have dealt with each possible customer problem once then I will be good and it will then be a breeze. Sisters are so helpful. If you do not have one, I strongly suggest you find yourself one. You may not have a biological sister, but a close girlfriend is just as good.

    So over the last few days, I have been working hard to make sure that I am ready to assist customers once I am officially out of training and into production. Then today, the sweetest thing happened. We were going over our test results from our latest knowledge check that we took on Thursday. Simply making sure we are taking in the information and will be ready to help customers. To my surprise, I received 100% on the test. After I had taken the test on Thursday, I was afraid that I had missed a question and therefore may not have passed. Turns out I passed with flying colours. A few of my classmates did not do so well and ended up retaking the test. While my classmates were taking the test, the trainer and I had a chance to visit for a few minutes. We were discussing my progress over the last week and he was saying that I was among the top of the class. What an encouragement that was. A week ago I was looking for a different job, and now this week I am on the verge of feeling ready to assist real customers with their car issues. It just goes to show that when you work hard and obey God, He will do amazing things for you.

    Please do not take this as me bragging. That is not my intention. My intention is to say that when we obey God and accept our discipline when needed, He blesses us. He brought three different people along my path this week to encourage me and tell me that I am on the right path and will do just fine.

    My reason for writing this post is to remind myself and anyone who reads these words that words have power. Power to build people up or tear them down. After receiving all this encouragement these last few days it has made me want to be more intentional about encouraging those around me and use my words to build others up more and reduce my destructive words.

    Again, none of this is to give me an ego boost. I too have flaws and lots of them. I am currently on a waitlist to see a counselor for a few of my destructive flaws. I am tired of my issues causing damage and harm to my life and the life of my family so I am now on a waitlist to see a counselor get help with my problems.

    So friends, have you been using your words lately to build others up or tear them down? If I'm being honest with myself, I know that I use more destructive words than encouraging words, and it's time to change that and build up those around me, strengthen those relationships, and build a beautiful life.

    I pray this post blesses you in whatever season you are in. Thank you for taking the time and letting me share with you my experience with encouraging words.

God Bless

~Hannah

Over the Canada Day long weekend I broke my bedtime and took pictures of the sunset. Normally I'm in bed before the sun is even thinking about setting. Then I made it pink. 😀

7th Wedding Anniversary!

     This weekend we are celebrating our 7th wedding anniversary. Monday at 2:30 pm marks exactly 7 years of man and wife. 

    Over the last few weeks, I reflected on this last year of our marriage and nearly gave myself whiplash with the thought of how much has happened. We started the year in a long-distance relationship. Hubby had started working at his grandfather's mechanic shop in Wallaceburg last Easter, and I was working in Cambridge and keeping the fires burning at home. Shortly after hubby started working in Wallaceburg, we felt God calling us to move back south. We spent the next five months driving him to London on Friday and Sunday, where his dad or brother would meet us and take him to Wallaceburg. As you can imagine, that routine got old fast. Even our car was tired of all the driving and died two weeks before our move. We weren't ready to move when the car died. We were trying to stick out our two-month notice with our apartment and then decided it was no longer worth it and moved early. I put my notice in at work and power-packed our apartment in two weeks. Not fun, by the way. Worth it, but not fun. But we made it. God used that time to help us work on our marriage, and we grew closer than we had ever been at that point, and we are even closer now. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, and they are correct.

    After five months, it was time to move back to Wallaceburg and get our family under one roof. We were sad to leave Cambridge and the friends we had made over the years, but we were even more excited for what God had in store for us in Wallaceburg. When we arrived, we moved into our temporary home. We had struggled to find a home before moving, so we negotiated with my in-laws and decided to stay on some family property in a bachelor apartment until we settled and found an apartment. Five months later, we found an apartment and happily moved our family into our new home. A two-bedroom apartment with a balcony. A dream come true.

    It's been just over three months since we moved into our apartment. We are settled into our home and are working on making a life for ourselves in Wallaceburg. I am also regularly surprised that this little "in-law town" as I call it, has just about everything we need. Okay, the shopping stinks, and there is no Cardfight Vanguard Community for hubby to play in. But it has more than I expected, and I'm sure it has everything that God wants us to have.

    God just blessed me with a new job, and I am loving working from home and no longer ending my work day covered in dust and dirt. Blessing and I just finished her next level of obedience school and are now saving for her final class of obedience school before we enter into therapy dog training. I have started digging deeper into my love of photography. Now I take my camera out as often as possible. I am also getting my dog walking business going and am working out the details with my first client. I wanted to start this business when we first moved, but then I started working, but between the hours and energy that was required I decided it was not worth it. This new job does not require nearly as much energy. So even if I have one or two clients, it will be a little extra income to make our life a little more enjoyable. I was working on getting my photography business up and running, but then I felt God tell me to enjoy my hobby now and not worry about making money. That being said, if anyone wants some portraits done, I would love to connect with you and help your family create some beautiful memories.

    Since moving to Wallaceburg, God has strengthened our marriage and our relationships with Him, and we are grateful for it. We have lots of stuff to work on, but what marriage doesn't.

    We also decided that by the fall, we plan on adding another member to our family. We have been talking about it for a while now and have decided the time is right. Blessing is ready to be a big sister. She recently demonstrated her maturity and "big sister" qualities to her classmates and showed a younger classmate how to properly interact with fellow doggy friends and what manners look like. It was funny to watch. The owners told me a week later that their dog had listened to Blessing and was using his manners properly while interacting with other dogs. So now we are doing the financial prep work to bring a new fur baby home this fall. We are very excited.

    Its been a big year for our family and, we are excited to see what God has for us as we step into our seventh year of marriage. Not only was it a big and busy year for us, but it was also our best year thus far. Now we will take everything we learned this past year and make this new year even better.

    Outside of our faith and political opinions, hubby and I are polar opposite. He plays video games and I love reading. He is a couch potato and I walk six km a day. He loves burgers, meat and all things fast food and I like garden salads. He is mellow and I am high strung. They say opposites attract and boy are they right. Over the years I have disliked our differences and  wondered why we were together. Then God would remind me that we are together because God brought us together to balance each other out. He is my yin to my yang and I am so grateful for it.

    Happy Anniversary, Sweetie. I love you forever and always.

~Babe / Hannah

Our annul anniversary photo. I forgot to turn on the white balance setting on the camera, so my shirt and his shorts and a lot brighter then desired. Lesson learned.

A New Adventure

     A week ago, I started a new job that God gave me in customer service, working from home. Like any new job, the first few days were stressful due to all the newness. By day three, I was settling into my new routine and starting to learn about the computer programs for my job.

    It has been an interesting first week working from home. The first two days were stressful due to technical glitches. By Wednesday, they were fixed, and it has been smooth sailing since. The trainer is great and is doing his best to make sure we are all on board and understand everything he is teaching us. So many jobs these days just throw you into the deep end and hope you can swim. With this job, you have to be trained. Thankfully this company sees that need and gives time to do so.

    I love not having a commute. I know a few people who enjoy their commute, and I'm happy for them. I am not one of them. I feel like a commute is simply a waste of time. There are other things I could be doing instead of driving. Mainly chores around our home. Yes, I am aware my opinion on a commute being a "waste of time" does not make much sense. A commute is simply a part of life. I have tried to use that time for prayer, podcasts, etc. But despite my love of routine, I do not enjoy that part. Maybe I just don't like driving. I am enjoying my commute from our bedroom to the living room.

    I am thankful that with this new job, Blessing is not home alone all day. Meaning that if my hubby and I have somewhere to be in the evening I no longer feel bad for going out because Blessing has had company and freedom in our apartment all day. It has been fun watching her move from her bed, crate, mat by the door, and bed in our room throughout the day. She was really confused the first two days when I was home, but by Wednesday, she started to understand and now understands when mom is "at work" vs "at home."

    Another very exciting outcome of working from home is that I no longer need my steel-toe boots and can wear skits, dresses, and all things girly. 

    It is also not a physically draining job. I have energy after work now. For the last four years, my jobs have been physically intense, and by Friday, I am dragging myself to work. This Friday, I had energy all day. It was a rather exciting feeling. Sure, I assume it will be mentally draining at some point. It is customer service. But for now, I am enjoying not feeling drained.

    On my last day at the factory, I was thinking about how I would miss not having coworkers to talk to during break, and I do. I also discovered that during my break times I can get chores around my home done, where before I would be thinking about them all day and be making lists of them. Now I simply get a few things done on break, and when the work day is done, I don't need to worry about them.

    On Wednesday, I did groceries after work, and it felt so satisfying and exciting that I didn't need to shower before going to Walmart because I wasn't covered in dust, dirt, and sweat.

    Basically, this job is everything I have been wanting for years and I am very thankful for it.

    Now I am praying for the right shift time. During training, you are on the day shift. Once that is complete, they will be assigning us to shifts based on business needs. I am praying for the day shift starting at 7 am and not the afternoon shift.

    I realize that over the last two years with Covid-19 that many of you transitioned from working in an office to working from home. What was your experience like? Did you enjoy working from home or would you rather go to the office?

    I pray this post finds you well and that you have a blessed new day and week.

God Bless

~Hannah

Not my usual editing style, I was playing around with Paint.net and like how this photo turned out.

Obedience = Blessing

    Recently God and I have been on a personal development journey. He has been teaching me about my self-worth, with the understanding that I would not be leaving my job without learning this lesson. Plus, when God says He has something to teach you, you have two choices, obey or go kicking and screaming. After a few seconds of kicking and screaming, I obeyed.

    After God and I finished my lesson and, were both satisfied with the results, I started thinking about my next job. I looked over Indeed a little and saved a few posts but hadn't applied yet. The entire week (from the 30th to the 3rd) I was having brain fog and didn't take any initiative in my job search. I was not sure what was causing the brain fog, but I was too tired to fight it. Now I know it was God because He wanted to bless me.

    Then on Friday, June 3rd, God sent me an email from a company in the customer service industry that  I had applied to when I applied to my current job but turned down because they were not paying enough. Since then, they have figured out how much people need to make.

    I knew it was a mass email that was sent to many people, but, I also knew it was from God. So I applied. The field I wanted and the pay I needed.

    Tuesday, June 7th, I was contacted to set up an interview. I picked the Friday of this week for my interview. Figured I should give my supervisor a little notice that I would need to get off work a little early.

    On Wednesday, June 8th, at lunchtime, I saw a voice mail on my phone. It was from the recruitment department of the company I applied to. Saying that they wanted to move up the interview up so that it, along with a background check (dealing with customer's personal information) could be completed before lunchtime on Friday because they wanted to have me start orientation on Monday, June 13th. In three business days. So I reschedule the interview for Thursday after work and told my coworkers that I was expecting to leave my current job a whole lot sooner than expected. No, I did not have a job offer at that point but I as watched God work I got the feeling I was going to get it. Talk about a hectic lunch break. I was expecting to eat my salad and enjoy visiting with my coworkers. God had other plans. Typical. 😉

    The next day, Thursday, I had the interview and received a job offer at the end of the call. Customer Service, working from home, good pay, no more dirty, smelly factory, goodbye steel toe boots. Okay, I will miss my boots. We have gone through several jobs and lots of life together, but it's time to put them on the shelf for a while. Heck, this will be the first time in five years I will be able to come home from work and sit down on my couch before taking a shower and not worrying about getting my couch dirty from my work clothes. I will no longer have a "work wardrobe" and a "personal wardrobe." I can pack up all my "tomboy" clothes and pack them away.

    I have been praying for this job for three years now, and God has answered my prayers. As much as I enjoy my steel-toe boots, I love shirts, dresses, and high heels and want to wear them regularly and not just on Sundays. Yes, I have worn makeup to work off and on, and sometimes do my hair, but it just feels like a waste of time and product if it will be covered over by dirt in an hour. Seriously, last month I sanded raw spoilers. To those of you who have spoilers on your car. Enjoy. Like most car parts, there is a long and very detailed process to getting it onto your car. I would come home dirtier than my husband, who works in a mechanic shop.

     This morning when I got dressed I was so excited to put a skirt on with a pretty top knowing that I would be doing this a whole lot more often now and it makes me excited. I can finally go to work as the girly girl that I am and not worry about getting all dirty.

    If you are waiting on God to answer a prayer, don't lose faith. He is listening and He has a plan. Yes, it's hard to hear that in the middle of your frustration. I too get annoyed when I think I know better than God and "know" what He should be doing. Obedience is not always easy either though, there are plenty of examples in the Bible and I'm sure in our lives today that show how hard obedience really is. But the good news is that it's worth it. God is a good God and only wants what is best for us, his children.

    So that's my good news friend, and the best part about it is that it had nothing to do with me. It was all God. I simply obeyed God and He blessed me for it.

    I pray that this post blesses you and reminds you that God is faithful and good.

God Bless

~Hannah

The Son rising on a new day and new journey. Hallelujah

Took this picture as a thank you present for a family member and I love how it turned out.

Expectations vs Reality

    I recently decided that I wanted to start blessing people with my photography. I thought I would offer some portrait sessions to some friends and family. My love for photography has been growing recently, but, pictures of flowers and Blessing are getting a little boring. I need to expand my repertoire. I was going to book a session for a family member this Saturday, but by Wednesday I was exhausted and I knew I would have no people skills by Saturday. Then I decided to bless myself with a portrait session with Blessing.

    I spent the next two days getting excited and building myself up for this photoshoot. I wanted to mix a sunrise photoshoot with a portrait set. I've never had people in my sunrise shoots before so I wanted to see how it would go. I had all these ideas for poses and such, but it's harder and more time-consuming when you are both the photographer and the object of the photo. Blessing was a trouper though, she patiently stood around smelling the flowers while I set up the camera and sat nicely during the pictures themselves. What would I do without this dog?

    Turns out, not so easy. Guess I should have done more homework on how to do it. Basically, it's a lot easier if the sun is completely in the sky and not in your face or creating shadows from other angles. I'm sure there is a way to make it all work, I just need to figure out what it is. I also thought that if I  put the camera in portrait mode vs manual mode it would handle all the settings itself, and I wouldn't need to worry about my iso setting. Wrong again. After a little while, I was frustrated and no longer enjoying
myself. We packed up the car and headed home. I tried to convince myself to think of it as a learning experience and not as a failure. But I'm a perfectionist, and when you are a perfectionist, it can be hard to look at a frustrating situation and see it as a learning experience. Before leaving the park, I took a quick inventory of the pictures I had taken and found one that I was happy with and figured with a little editing it would be pretty.

    There is always next time though, and I will plan a little better. It's funny though, I am the queen of planning and organizing. Although now that I am reflecting on it, I realize that my plans don't always work. I tend to overpack my time and energy. I tend to think I can do more stuff in an unreasonable time frame. The really ironic part is that I have friends who are also great planners, but their execution fails or at least lacks much of time time. What I'm trying to say is that a) I need to learn from my mistakes, and b) I need to give others more grace in areas where they struggle because no one is perfect.

    So what areas in your life did you once consider yourself supreme to others? Do you also need some self-reflection? I assume the answer is yes, because, no one is perfect.

    I hope this post finds you at the end of a restful weekend and ready to take on the challenges of next week.

God bless

~Hannah

 The one and only good photo from our photoshoot.

More than a Paycheck.

    It all started when God said I was not leaving my current job. Despite how much I dislike my current job. Thankfully I quickly realized from past experiences that it meant He had something to teach me. So I said, "Okay, I'm listening because I want to get the heck out of this job."

    But then He told me He wanted to teach me about my self-worth, and I knew it would get messy, and I do not like a mess. Thankfully it only took about a week, an ugly tear heart-to-heart with my hubby and a handful of rejection emails from companies I had been applying to before I got on board. God got my attention.

    For most of my life, I have struggled with my self-worth. For most of my adult life, my worth has come from my ability to do. To work and earn a living, to cook/clean. To do anything "productive."

    For the last number of years, weekends have been a struggle because a) I have no routine (something I can/should fix myself)  and b) I am not doing anything "productive" and, therefore, I am worthless. Yes, I am hard on myself. There is nothing wrong with working hard. I was raised by a workaholic and a hard worker who likes to putter around. Neither of those titles is intended to be insulting. I love and respect both of my parents and appreciate the work ethic that they instilled in me.

    But I'm tired of determining my self-worth from the number of hours worked, the size of my paycheck, and how clean my home is. I've known for a long time that I need to go to God for my self-worth, after all, He did create me, and therefore, I should be going to Him for my self-worth. He wanted to tell me I'm valuable, and He wants to tell you too.

    But being the stubborn and independent woman that I am, I wanted to do it on my own. I wanted to earn my worth. All it leads to is stress, anxiety, depression, and exhaustion.

    So after that heart-to-heart with my hubby, he reminded me of my need for Jesus in that area of my life and that only Jesus can tell me that I'm worth it. It was then that I decided that I am tired of feeling this way and time to go to God. Of course, He was happy to listen and teach me just how much I mean to Him.

    I started by digging into my Bible and reading verses and passages about His love for me. Bible verses I have read a thousand times, but I needed the refresher. The Bible says that it is alive and active and sometimes we just need to read a verse with fresh eyes for God to reveal something new to us. A few days later, I had read a handful of Bible verses and was coming to accept my God-given worth. As head-knowledge anyways. Head knowledge is not enough. We need to believe it in our hearts and souls.

    So once I accepted my newfound knowledge of my God-given worth, I received an invitation for a "pre" interview meeting. That way they could put a face to the name and decide if they wanted to bring me in for a full interview. The interview was successful, and it sounded like I would be getting an interview. A few days passed, and I asked God why I hadn't been contacted. He said," You are the one holding yourself back." and I said, "Okay, then we have more work to do." So I started praying that it would go from head knowledge to heart knowledge.

    I was desperately hating my job, getting more miserable with every passing day. But God knew that and I knew I just wanted to get this "lesson" over with so I could get out of this job. Once I confessed to myself and God that I was praying with the wrong motive I started praying for myself and not just to get out of my job.

    By the end of the week, I was praying hard. On Thursday, the "wall" between head versus heart knowledge started to come down. Not all at once, but a good start. The next day, Friday, I spent time at work telling myself that I am more than a paycheck and the "wall" continued to fall. Around noon on Friday, my supervisor came and asked if anyone in my department wanted to work overtime the next day. We all said no. Once he left, I started to feel bad and regretted my decision. I felt the need to work the next day, even though I had made plans and was looking forward to them. I started telling myself that "I'm more than a paycheck." Over and over, I repeated it until the bad feeling went away, and I started to cry tears of joy. Because I finally believe that I am allowed to enjoy the activities I had planned for the weekend and not feel bad for saying no to overtime.

    So there we have it, friends, I finally found my God-given worth and it brings me to tears yet again because I can finally stop striving for the empty "worth" that the world gives and rest in the worth that God has freely given to you and me when He died on the cross for us.

    I don't say all this in a prideful way or in an attention-seeking way. Yes, I know I share my blogs on Facebook, and so much of Facebook is for attention or at least that's what it feels like. I share because I want you to find your worth in Christ too. Whether you are a seasoned believer and need a little reminder. Been a believer for years but never accepted this part, like me. Or, you don't know Jesus as your Lord and Savior yet. If that last one is you, what are you waiting for? If you are waiting until you are "good" enough, then I have good news for you. God loves every part of you. Mess and all. Plus I hate to burst your bubble, but no one is "good enough," only Jesus.

    So, friends, I'm going to sit back and enjoy my God-given worth and watch a chick flick with Blessing while my hubby is out and not feel guilty.

    And now that I have learned and accepted the lesson God had for me, I will wait and see what job He has for me next and remember that a) He is my provider and b) the number on my paycheck doesn't mean much.

    I pray this post blesses you right where you are today and that you either already know your worth or will soon.

Love

~Hannah

Enjoyed a guilt free morning of photography and captured this beauty outside our front door. 

This little town is starting to grow on me.

Bite-Size Pieces

    I was listening to a sermon the other night on Romans 12:1-2. The pastor said there was a lot to learn from these two simple verses. As I enjoyed the message, God reminded me of the importance and difference between quality and quantity of time with God. A concept I have known for years but, just like everyone else, needed a little reminder.

    He reminded me that it is better to dig deep into a passage verse than read a chapter. Mainly because I tend to treat reading a chapter like a check list item, and I do not take the time to read everything well.

    It reminded me of a story I heard years ago where a father gave his two children each a muffin. He told them to take the top off the muffin and save it for later. Then they were instructed to eat the bottom of the muffin slowly. So they did. After finishing the bottom, they ate the top (saving the best for last, in my opinion). After they finished eating the top, the father asked if the children were still hungry. Both children said they were full. The reason being is that they took the time to not only enjoy the muffin but also giving them time to digest it properly.

    The same goes for the word of God. When we read quickly, we don't take in nearly as much as we would if we took our time. I have been amazed at how rick a simple paragraph can be and how much God can show me in a small amount of text verse a full chapter.

    There is a time and  place for reading a full chapter or even a book. Group Bible studies are one of those places. Or if you want a bigger picture of what is going on in the passage you are reading. But I have found over the last little while that when I read a smaller passage I remember what I read throughout the day and therefore am also learning more and growing.

    I just looked at my word count for this post and realized how small this one is compared to other posts I have written in the past. I think it is fitting though, a small post for a small yet important message.

    I pray that this post reminds you to continue connecting to God in whatever ways you spend time with Him and check if you are spending quality time or simply a quantity of time with Him.

God Bless

~Hannah

Found these pretty flowers on a little sunrise photoshoot this morning.

God Answers Prayers

    Recently I started looking for a new job. Overtime season was coming to a close at work, and with vaccine requirements reducing, it looked like a good time to find a job that I enjoy. I have spent the last four years in jobs that require steel-toe boots and a fair bit of dust. I am ready to wear my "Sunday best" to work and return to customer service or work in an office setting. The search for a new job began with a lot of prayer and a few resumes submitted.

    One night I was settling into bed and praying over my job search. God said, "step out in faith." So the next day, I got on Indeed and applied to a handful of jobs I had saved over the last few days. Feeling accomplished, I started praying over those submissions and waited for God to answer.

This past week I applied online for a job and then decided to go to the business and hand them a physical copy and show my face. Figured if it is a customer service job, what better way to apply than by showing my face.

    A week goes by without any responses from businesses or God. I felt frustrated. I know job hunting takes more time than that but when God gives you a direction and you follow it, most people want an answer. Or is that just me?

    One evening, Blessing and I are out for our evening walk, and I'm praying and telling God that I am tired of working in dirty factories/ warehouses and tired of my steel-toe boots. (side note, I love my steel toe boots, I live in them, but now I'm tired of them) I was wondering why I had not heard from God and wondered if God and I were in a transition in my prayer life. (I transition between journaling and praying while I walk) Usually, I do not notice that we are in a transition until I feel dry and wonder why I have not heard from God in a bit, and then I change our routine up, and we are back on track. Except I did not think we were in a transition period. Needless to say, I was feeling frustrated and a little lost. As Blessing and I walked, I reflected on the timeline of when God said to step out in faith and realized it had only been a week. I thought it had been longer. Guess I am impatient. The Holy Spirit then reminded me that the teacher is quiet during the test. Meaning, chill out. Go about your routine and chill out. Fine. I'll chill. Or at least I will try. I do not "chill" well, but I will try.

    A few days later, I am at work and was told that we are heading into overtime again (new department). As soon as I heard the news I knew that God was answering my prayer. Just not in the way I wanted, but it was an answer. Not that I want to spend more time in a dusty, dirty factor, but God has other ideas. I know it's God's answer because even though I have no interest in working in this factory, let alone longer hours, my family could use the money. Heck, with everyone trying to recover from Covid and how it has messed with everyone's finance we could all use extra cash. Plus I just got my six-month raise and my benefits. I figured we would use my benefits until I found another job, guess we will be using them a little longer than expected.

    I am not thrilled with God's answer, but I know He has a reason for why I am in this job, and I am going to do my best to have a teachable spirit and learn why He wants me there. Please do not think of me as a saint for that statement. I have simply worked in a few jobs over the last few years, and despite disliking them or at least parts of them, after the job was finished I was able to look back and understand why God had me in those jobs. And seeing how God does not change and always has our best interest at heart, I know He has a reason why I am staying in this job. So I will try not to grumble too much when I look in the mirror after work and see all the dust. 

    God answers prayers according to His will, not ours, and sometimes the answers do not look like what we want. Over the last few days, I have been reflecting on the prayers God has answered for me over the years, and I could not come up with an example of a prayer that did not turn out the way I wanted. Yes, some prayers were not answered in my timeline, but they were always the answer I wanted in the end.

    It has been an interesting experience having God answer prayer and not have it line up the way I wanted. Surprisingly I'm not mad. (Again, don't take that as me saying I'm an incredibly righteous woman of God. I have plenty of flaws). I'm not thrilled by His answer, I'd like to work somewhere cleaner, but I'm not mad or upset. I'm not shaking my fist at heaven, a few months ago, I did when I did not get a job I thought God wanted me to have, and instead, God gave me the job I have now. Guess you could say I have grown in the last few months, which is always a good thing, especially for a believer in Jesus Christ. If you are not growing in your faith and relationship with God, something is wrong.

    So friends, what prayers has God answered recently that did not turn out the way you wanted? How did you react? Feel convicted yet? 😜 I know I sure did when someone commented on my reaction to God's answer six months ago.

    I pray that this post encourages you, challenges you, and reminds you that not only does God hear our prayers, but He answers them too.

God Bless

~Hannah

Last Sunday Blessing and I went for a sunrise photo walk. Love how this photo turned out.

God truly is an incredible artist and has blessed me with a few photography skills along the way.