Compassion has never been my strong suit. If I haven't been in your shoes. I cannot sympathize with you. I believe this is why God has allowed me to see some of the struggles I have seen over the years.
One of the areas that I have never struggled with is my weight. I have always been small with a fast metabolism and a small appetite. I have "struggled" to keep weight on. I have worked some physically demanding jobs over the years and had to find the balance between healthy and higher-calorie foods to maintain my weight. Once, a coworker criticized me for how much I ate. I told her if she had my metabolism and my job, we wouldn't be having this conversation. She was also an incredibly ignorant human being.
I have always desired to eat healthily and with the help of my temperamental gut, I eat a lot of salad. I also love chocolate and pasta. I try to find a balance between the three.
I have spent years proud of my "struggle" to keep weight on. In reality, it wasn't hard, and God has recently convicted me of my victim mentality towards the number on the scale. In January I consequently gained weight and became obsessed with it. So much so that my relationship with God took a hit. It dawned on me one morning that my prayer life had been lacking. I started wondering why. The Holy Spirit quickly informed me that it was because I had been distracted and obsessed with my weight. I then asked Him why He allowed my metabolism to change. He told me He had changed it for me to learn to be more compassionate towards my husband's weight and the support he needed from me. I said, "Okay, sounds good."
So, I started being more intentional and helpful with what we were eating. I started making hubby a nice sandwich for lunch with lots of veggies and, more importantly, became more intentional with supper. Less carbs/pasta and more veggies and proteins. I wasn't supporting my hubby to the best of my abilities. I was feeding us suppers that worked for me, but not for him and therefore, us.
So now I'm glad that God changed my metabolism. I'm still struggling with my chocolate intake. I would prefer to eat less of it to be healthier, but I also love eating it. I have a game plan now. I just need to act it out properly and be disciplined.
It has also dawned on me through this experience that I have a much less healthy relationship with food and the bathroom scale than I thought. Or better yet, would allow myself to admit to.
Two weeks ago when I got on the scale and saw that the efforts that I had been putting in were not working as well as I had expected. I still have an "extra" three pounds on. I lost it. I broke down. Angry that I was getting "fat" and so on. It has since occurred to me that I have a much less healthy relationship with food and the bathroom scale than I would allow myself to admit to. I have spent the last few days thinking that maybe my body is simply changing with age. My clothing still fits the way they did before so those three pounds don't matter. I know that I am getting distracted again and trying to discern God's will in all this. I am trying to focus on eating healthy and exercising and allowing God to take care of the rest. But it's hard, friend.
I have since returned to my preferred weight. I have learned to be more compassionate towards my husband and his dietary needs. I have discovered a handful of new recipes that we both enjoy and that are in line with his needs. Which blesses my heart as a wife. Now, God and I need to work on my mental health and relationship with food. The bottom line is that God has a plan and a purpose for everything that we go through. Even if it doesn't seem like a "God" thing. Like putting on a few extra pounds. He has a reason.
I pray this post blesses you today, friend.
God Bless
~Hannah
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