Helpmate

    So we have a move coming up in a little while. We know the destination, but we don't have a timeline. We believe God is giving us time to save up for the move, so we are being patient while we save and wait. God has also given hubby instructions about what he will be doing once we move. Which then made me start wondering what my job/task will be once we move. I pondered that for a few days and then started thinking about my role as a wife and woman. As a man and husband, hubby's role is to lead and provide, which he does beautifully. And I get to sit back and watch the show.

    Genesis 2:18 "And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him." (KJV) I have been familiar with this verse for most of my life, but I haven't really delved into it until recently. Maybe I wasn't mature enough or ready. But I am now. That is the beauty of God's word. It is alive and active, and you can read one verse all your life, and each time God can reveal new things to you.

Hebrews 4:12 “For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” (NIV)

    Slowly, over a couple of days, God reminded me of my role as a help meet. Or as we more commonly say, "helpmate" And that my role is to support my husband. So I let that marinate in my heart and mind for a few days and started serving/helping hubby at home better. Mainly with a better attitude. I also started calling myself 'helpmate' as a term of endearment. He noticed very quickly and was enjoying his view.

    Then this past week, hubby was working on his surfboard and feeling very frustrated. He has been sanding it for a few days, and he wasn't getting the results he needed and wanted. He was trying to figure out what the problem was, but wasn't getting anywhere. He was looking up videos on YouTube and such, but getting nowhere. On Wednesday morning, he was driving me to work and venting about it. I suggested that after work, he pick me up and take me to the shop and look at the surfboard together. I figured a second opinion and a fresh pair of eyes would go a long way. He agreed. He also asked for prayer over the stress of it all. Around 12:30-1:00 that day, I was praying for him and asking God to give him the encouragement he needed. I said I didn't know if it would come from God himself or from me, but that hubby needed encouragement. Holy Spirit then reminded me that I am his 'helpmate' and that the encouragement would be coming from God through me.

    When he picked me up that day, he was feeling awful and defeated. We drove home, and I convinced him to take me to the shop and look at his board. I was pretty sure that a) he just needed encouragement and b) that he was overthinking everything. Which is a trait that we both share. We head to the shop and he shows me the board and as expected. It was fine. Yes, it needed work, but not nearly as bad as he had described. He instantly felt better, and I shared how I was praying for him, and God told me that he needed encouragement from his help mate.

    I then started to wonder about how my role as a wife is to blend with society and my hobbies. Basically, how do I enjoy my life and still help my hubby the way God intended? The answer boils down to putting God first, and everything else will fall into place. Meaning that I serve and worship Him first, and then part of my service and worship to my Heavenly Father is serving, helping, and taking care of hubby, and then when that is all in the correct order, God blesses and redeems my time and gives me time to enjoy my hobbies as well.

    It's not always easy, of course, but God is helping me and giving me more joy in the process and changing my heart towards the whole topic, and now I serve and help hubby with a much better servant's heart. I'm not a slave by any means, nor has he ever suggested any such thing. I'm simply following God's call on my life and serving Him and my hubby. I also don't share any of this to brag on myself. If anything, I'm bragging about what God has done in me and that I'm grateful for it.

I pray this blesses and encourages you in whatever way you need today, friend.

God Bless

~Hannah

Learning to Calm Down

    God is working on calming me down. I'm less reactive. I feel myself freaking out and can take a step back and breath through it. In the past, I would freak out and then figure out why I was upset. I can now see how ridiculous it is to simply throw something when you hurt yourself (I’m accident-prone and walk into things on a regular basis) or are upset. I feel more at peace and am becoming the woman that I believe God wants me to be.

    It all started last Sunday(two weeks ago now). The worship team played the last song to end the service. They played 'Made for More' by Josh Baldwin. They kept repeating the lines, 'you buried my past, so I'm not going back, Hallelujah. I was made for more.' Holy Spirit spoke to me in those moments. As the song proceeded, I went closer to the altar with both hands raised. God has also been helping me to be more expressive and authentic in my worship. Hubby and I sit in the front row, but in those moments, I felt the need to go to the altar. I sang out, 'you buried my past, so I'm not going back.' In my heart, I was referring to not overreacting anymore. You see, like many people, I have struggles, shocker, I know. For me, the majority of my struggles stem from self-esteem and self-worth issues. I know what God's word says, but I struggle terribly with believing it. Because of those struggles, I overreact very easily and think that my worth is being attacked regularly. It's not. But the enemy likes to tell me that it is, especially when I am tired.

    But I'm getting really tired of overreacting and don't want to get upset anymore. Like I said earlier, 99% of the time I overreact before I even know what I am upset about. Not helpful, I know. I have started texting hubby through out the day and telling him about the things that are frustrating me. I like to think that once I leave work that the frustrations of the day stay at work and that I’m not bothered by the events of my day. But then I get home and realize that its not the case and I get upset over something silly at home. Now that I'm getting better at texting him through the day and telling hubby what is going on and venting a little, it has been helping to prevent me from getting upset when I get home. Otherwise, as soon as I get home, I get upset and yet don't know why. I’m basically learning to process my emotions before they can process me.

    The other day I was in the kitchen and I hurt myself or something, I don't recall exactly what happened anymore, but I do remember getting mad and Holy Spirit helped me to step back and breathe through it instead of getting upset and throwing something. It was almost like an out of body experience, I could see the whole thing from someone's else's perspective and how ridiculous it all looked. I'm not there yet, but I am getting better.

    I also have a tendency to get upset and flip out when I don't get my way. Yes, very childish, I know. Well, last night I didn't get my way, and instead of flipping out, I moved on. Hubby said no to something with valid reasoning, and I submitted and respected his answer. Which is exactly what God calls me to do. “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.” Ephesians 5:22-24 KJV. I walked away and did the dishes. Did I give a perfect attitude? No, but I didn't get upset. I'm calling that progress and improvement. I then climbed into bed and prayed and thanked God for working in me.

    I'm not perfect, though. After church this past week, we went to A&W for lunch. Our debit cards were not working properly for some reason. At first, I thought it was because the worker was moving the machine away too quickly, which he was. Hubby's card was denied twice, so we tried mine. At that point, I'm a little annoyed and firmly tell the guy not to move the machine away so quickly. I didn't yell, but I also didn't say please. My card eventually worked. We found out the next day that our debit cards had expired. Perfect time for a postal strike. LoL Hubby correctly rebuked me, and then I worked on calming down and giving it all to God.  Didn't really work though, and I ended up freaking out in the car at hubby. So I still have work to do, but God and I are making progress.

    I've been wanting this change in me for a long time, but I'm afraid of change and would rather suffer in my comfort zone than change. Right before God did a big work in me, I started half-heartedly praying for God to help. I also get nervous about asking God to work in me because you never know exactly what He is going to do. But I finally came to the end of myself and said that I need more Jesus and less of me, and over a few days prayed and asked God to start working in me. Then the above Sunday happened, and I feel God working in my life and calming me down.

    Still not perfect, but drastically improved. I still have my moments, but they are becoming fewer and further between and less dramatic.

    I share this because I love writing about what God is doing in my life and to encourage you in your walk with Christ, and to remind us all that no matter how put-together someone may look, we are all facing battles that no one knows about. Unless we tell them that is. 😉

I pray this blesses and encourages you today, friend.

Happy Thanksgiving

God Bless

~Hannah

Dear Mrs. Erika Kirk.

    Dear Mrs. Erika Kirk. I don't imagine that you will ever see this, but I wanted to write it anyway. First off, I'm so sorry for the loss of your hubby, Charlie. The night that I got the news that he had passed away, I was very upset and sad about the news. That night I went to bed, as I lay beside my hubby, I started to think about how thankful I was and still am that I get to sleep beside mine still, because you no longer could. Over the next few days, I began to think about how little our petty, silly arguments truly are and that I need to spend more time simply being thankful that my hubby is still with me. Most of our arguments are due to my being tired, hungry, or upset about something from my day. But still unnecessary. Hubby lovingly reminded me that all marriages have conflict, and it's all about how you deal with it. Which, of course, is true.

    I know you already knew that, as I expect many so as well, but you had and have a very special hubby. I have been following him casually on Instagram for a little while, and so far, everything he said I agreed with. I enjoyed listening to him talk about what a good godly man should look and act like, because he was describing my hubby in a nut shell. I already knew that my hubby is an incredible man of God, but hearing someone else describe those characteristics was so nice.

    My eyes were filled with tears as I listened to your first announcement after Charlie's death in his office and spoke of your grief, but also knew that God has a plan and that Charlie was now in Heaven with his Savior. What courage and faith it must have taken to say what you said. You beautifully reflected our shared faith. Our pastor shared a small part of that video in church. He mentioned that you had given that speech just two days after his assassination and said that you could have only done that with the help of the Holy Spirit. I agree. You allowed God to work through you, and it clearly showed. There was so much grace and love in your speech.

    I didn't watch the memorial service for him this past weekend, but I did watch a clip of you forgiving his murderer, and I cried again. Forgiveness is hard, but with the help of the Holy Spirit, you did it. I've been waiting to see video footage of you saying that you forgive his murderer, and knew that in time you would say it. And you did. I tear up every time I think about it. God has used you to encourage others to forgive those who have hurt them in various ways, and it is beautiful. You also challenged men and women respectively to fulfuill their God given roles as husbands and wives. So far, I have seen one video of a woman saying she has accepted your challenge. Although I expect that there are others. God is using you, Mrs. Kirk. God bless you.

Charlie wanted to be remembered for his courage and faith, and he was, and now you will be known for yours as well. You are a true believer in our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, and I praise God for that. It is only through the strength that comes from the Holy Spirit that we are able to do anything of use in this earth. It is evident that you rely on Him for your strength.

    I also respect your choice in having him embalmed for his funeral. I had to do some research because I couldn't remember what it meant, only that it is in the Bible. I respect that you wanted him to look his best/normal for your children at the funeral, and I would too. I know you received flak for it, and I'm sorry. Heck, over the last few weeks, you have received a lot of flak for how you are grieving and “moving on” after Charlie’s death. I’m so sorry that must be so difficult. When in reality, you have a job to do, and everyone grieves differently. Unfortunately, we all know that you would be criticized no matter what you do because everyone has their own opinion, to which they are entitled to. Unfortunately, we sometimes forget that the next part of that is to not tear each other down with our opinions, but that’s where God’s grace comes into play.

    You are an incredible woman of God and an amazing role model for this next generation. I praise God for you and all the other amazing role models for this next generation and for what God is doing through you.

God Bless

~Hannah