It’s been a topic on my mind for a little while. But I wasn’t really sure where to start. I came across a sermon from Lakepoint Church on YouTube about this very topic. I hit play and loved every minute of it. I laughed, I cried, it moved me, Bob. (I hope you got that reference) pastor Josh did such a great job preaching that I thought I would simply re-listen to it, take notes and share those notes with you.
Pastor Josh started off by reminding/informing us that the enemy is after our family and our marriage. He points out that at the end of Genesis 2, Adam and Eve get married at the beginning of chapter 3, the enemy comes and tries to divide them. And unfortunately, he was successful. I have never looked at those verses like that together before, but I’m so glad I have now.
His first point is that a Christian wife is a “Helper,” or as I like to say it and one translation, I think King James says it, “Helpmate.”
He also first references Genesis 1:27-28: “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”
Both men and women are equal in dignity and value. But different in function. God wants us to be fruitful and multiply. He wants us to enjoy our marriage bed, keep it holy, and then have dominion over the animals. We are to work together and complement each other. We are not to compete with one another, but to complement each other. God created men to be loving heads of their families and wives to be the respectful helper. If God created man and woman to be equal in function, then marriage and family would not work. I’ve heard many different analogies for this next point, and all have their place. Pastor Josh said it something like this, “if you marriage doesn’t have a head, then you have a corpse because you have a headless body. And if you and your husband both play the role of head, then you would have two heads on the body, and that's a freak.”
The word “helper” also gets a bad rep. People think it is referring to an assistant or a glorified receptionist. When in reality, the same word is used to describe how God is our helper. It’s not a weak word, its a powerful word. When Jesus assended to heaven after being raised from the dead, He said that He would be sending His helper to us, meaninig the Holy Spirit, and when the word helper is used to describe God, many of the examples are in reference to military help. So to be called our husband’s helper is an honour, not a burden. As wives, we are called to help our husbands on the journey that God has given to them. Many of us have our own callings that God has put on our hearts outside of our marriages and families, but within the context of our marriage, our role is to be our husband’s helper.
Pastor Josh goes on to remind us women that we have a special feminine power. A power that can be used for good or for evil. We need to use it for good and to build us our husbands. With this idea in mind, there are three types of marriages and how wives use their feminine power over their husbands.
A wise wife uses her power correctly. She builds up her husband. She encourages him. She does not tear him down.
A foolish wife wastes that power. She doesn’t know or care about her power. Likely doesn’t know about it. She isn’t trying to tear her husband down; she just doesn’t know how to use her power wisely.
An evil wife knows she has power and uses it against her husband. Manipulating and nagging him. Tearing him down and controlling him. As I’m writing these notes, I’m thinking to myself, “Oh my goodness, that was me.” Thank you, Jesus, that I am no longer that wife and am daily learning to use my feminine power wisely.
He then made a cute reference to Winston Churchill and his wife. They were filling up their gas tank and noticed that the attendant was an old high school boyfriend of hers. Windson Churchill made a comment that if his wife had married that man, she would be the wife of a gas station attendant. She responded that he would have been the Prime Minister. Suggesting that regardless of who she married, that man would be the prime minister. A cute story shows the power that a wife has.
Ladies, we have the power to build up or to break down our husbands and families. As someone who didn’t use her power wisely and, by the grace of God, has since learned to use it wisely, take it from me. Use your power wisely and watch things change in your marriage and family.
Second point in the sermon. A Christian wife is submissive to her husband.
Ephesians 5:22- 27 “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love our wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present to her himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.”
Submission is not… All woman submitting to all men. That’s Islam. We submit to our own husbands. It's not all women to all men, just wives to their own husbands. Also, women can be leaders in the community or at work, but not at home. Because we as wives are called to submit to our husbands, but not to every man on the planet.
It is also not submission to sin or abuse. We are not called to submit when our husband is leading us into sin, whether that be deliberate or accidental. We are also not called to submit to abuse. If he is abusing you, you don’t have to take it. I pray that no one reading this is submitting to abuse. Anyways.
It is also not “no voice, no choice.” I’m bad for playing this card. The enemy will start attacking me worth and then I take away my own voice and choice when hubby wants my opinion or feedback on something. I will then tell him I’m submitting, and he calls me out and tells me that that’s not what submission is. And he is right. Its not. Submission is respecting our husbands and the decisions that they make for our marriages and families. The whole reason why God gave us to our husband is because they need our voices and input.
It’s also not waiting until you think he deserves it. The Bible doesn’t say to submit if he does x,y or z. It simply says to respect and submit. I also deeply failed in this category for a long time. I was also encouraged not to submit if there wasn’t anything to submit to at the time. Thankyou Lord for working on me and changing me. I’m still a work in progress, but, by the grace of God, I am better than I was.
What submission is..
“Honouring his role as the loving head of the family and taking a posture that acknowledges, encourages and follows his leadership in both words and actions as the head of the family.” Pastor Josh.
We don’t submit simply when it pleases us. We submit to our husbands in reverence to God.
In reality, when both husband and wife are acting in their roles, both roles are easy. Submission is easy when you know your hubby loves you and is doing his best to care for you. Also, there are very few times when a husband will have to play the “submit” card. Usually it's when we wives are deeply in need of a break but refuse to take it. Our loving husbands will then tell us to go and take a bath, have a girls' day, or whatever fills us up.
The pastor brings up the principle that the husband is the head and the wife is the neck, and therefore she can turn him anywhere she wants. He and his wife watched “My Big Fat Greek Wedding,” and at one point, the mother tells her daughter that she can turn her husband anyway she wants. Wives, take it from someone who has tried this theory: it doesn’t work. Nor should it.
Proverbs 12:4 “A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.” We are not the neck, we are his crown. We bring glory and honour to our husbands. We get to bless them. We don’t manipulate or control them.
Pastor Josh reminded us that the crown signifies that there is something special about the person wearing it. Without your crown, you are just another person walking down the street. But, with a crown on, you are made important and special. I have two coworkers that I am close with and often talk to them about hubby. One day, one of them said that despite only meeting my hubby a few brief times, she knew he was a good man because of the way that i walk about him. She is correct, I do have a wonderful husband. Wives, by our words and actions, we are communicating who our husband’s is to us and hopefully his special how special he is to us. I have also been the wife who is decay in my husband’s bones and have been called out on it a few times over the years. Let me tell ya, not fun. Be his crown ladies, not decay in his bones. Trust me, it will bless you both.
Third point in the sermon. A Christian wife respects her husband.
Ephesians 5:31-33 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh” 32 This is a profound mystery - but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”
We respect our husbands with place and pros. We respect him by giving him the appropriate place in our lives. God first and then our husbands. Then, the kids and the rest of life. In my case, I struggle with putting my hobbies before my husband. I’m working on it though, and the nights that I would rather sew or worl on a blog post, I have to stop myself and think about what I am prioritizing. Because even if I’m not in the mood to watch a movie, I know that the nights I choose to watch a movie with him over sewing, we always have a great time together, and I am thankful for the choices I made. There is a place and time for hobbies and all the things. For me, it's usually during the day on Saturday, and then we will watch a movie together that night.
The last point that the pastor makes is that a husband has a part of a man’s heart that is reserved for you, and whatever you say, he will believe. So speak life over and to him. Writing out that part sentence was more convicting than I was expecting. Not towards hubby, though, towards myself. Hubby has recently been learning this in his own life and has been encouraging me to do the same in my life. So use your words wisely, ladies, towards your hubby and towards yourself. Lift him up, don’t tear him down and pray for him.
“Encouragement in the mouth of a wife is strong in the heart of a husband.” Pastor Josh.
Thank you for making it to the end of this post, friend. It's double the length I usually write. But when I started listening to the video on YouTube, I knew I had to share the message with you. I pray that it blesses and challenges you as much as it did me.
God Bless
~Hannah
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