I have written on this topic before, but this time it's different. It's also harder because I'm about to be more vulnerable and admit to a more awkward sin in my life. Up until recently, I was a grown-up who threw temper tantrums when I didn’t get my way. Really grown up, eh? Hubby has been rightfully calling me out on it for years, but I wasn't listening. Okay, I was listening but not changing.
A few weeks ago, we were watching a movie, and I threw a temper tantrum. He rightfully called me out, and then he gave me a word from God. I needed to spiritually grow up as well. I needed to move from spiritual milk to solid food. Something changed that night. God got a hold of me.
I don't recall what all went through my head and heart that night, but something shifted. Weekend mornings are usually hard because I would rather do my own thing than make breakfast for my family. Which usually end in a fight or argument of some sort
Well, the next morning, it was the weekend, and I don't recall which day. I made up my mind to make breakfast for hubby and me. I was still struggling with my attitude, but it was a start. I reminded myself that part of being a grown up was doing things that we don't always want to do, but know that we should do them or that we know that they need doing. I was still heightened, and it still landed in a small disagreement. But smaller than usual. Progress.
I believe within a day of hubby's last 'you need to grow up' speech. God gave him another word for me. God wanted to remind me that I am His daughter. I decided that the next day, when I have my quiet time with the Lord, I would start a Bible study on being a daughter of God. I found a plan that I had saved in my 'You Version' app a long time ago and restarted it. I do find that You Version Bible studies are not always accurate; sometimes, the passages they use are not in context, so you need to be mindful. That being said, the study I read over the next few days was all on point and everything I needed to hear. Praise the Lord.
I can't fully describe all of what God has done over the last few weeks in me. All I know is that I am a changed woman. Not flawless by any means. But changed. I feel free.
I have repented to hubby and God, and I do ask that if anyone reading this has experienced one of my childhood temper tantrums, that you would forgive me. I apologize, and I am embarrassed by how I once acted.
And now it's time to move on and move forward into this next season of life with Christ. I feel more at peace and calm. More than I have ever felt before. Not every day will be perfect by any means, but that's where God's grace comes into play. Progress isn't always linear. Sometimes it's two steps forward and one step backwards.
I'm practicing apologizing to hubby and not defending or explaining myself. Simply apologizing and asking for forgiveness. Which is a huge step forward for me. I am also practicing saying, 'yes, but give me five minutes,' when hubby asks for something when I'm in the middle of doing something. The old me would get up and storm around while I did what he politely asked for. This new practice is definitely a work in progress. But again, progress isn't linear, and praise God for His grace.
As always, I pray that this blesses, encourages, and maybe challenges you in someway shape or form today, friend.
God Bless
~Hannah
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