Unexpected Blessings

    "This week I was most blessed by..." was a journal prompt I found on Pinterest earlier this week, and within seconds I had my answer.

    Last Sunday, as hubby and I drove into our church's parking lot, he told me that his dad had a friend whose son went to school for the video game designer program that my hubby is now pursuing. He said that this friend's son, who went to school years ago, had a bad experience but didn't remember the specifics about why it was bad. My father-in-law wanted hubby to meet this friend, learn about his son's experience and get specific information about the program.

    As soon as hubby told me this, my defences went up, and the enemy gave me some less-than-kind thoughts toward my father-in-law. Thoughts that I have since apologized for. 

    We head into the church, and I felt very hesitant about this upcoming conversation. Simply because I do not want anyone to derail my hubby from his newfound career path. A path that has been on his heart and mind for a very long time but has been unable to pursue it. Which is a story for another day.

    Anyways, the service gets started, and I'm still feeling very hesitant. So I pray. I tell God what is on my heart. Even though He already knows. I tell him I'm feeling hesitant, and I ask for His will to be done in this conversation.

    After the service, we head over and meet this new friend and ask about his son's experience. Within the first two sentences that this man says, all my hesitant and negative thoughts and feelings wash away. I joyfully watched my husband light up as we learned about this man's son's experience. Turns out that the program was not exactly what the man's son wanted, but exactly what my husband wants. You see, there are two paths to go down within this program, and originally, before hubby and I met, he went down the "wrong" one. Unknowingly at the time.

    The way the program is marketed to future students is not very accurate. The schools that are offering this program do not use very descriptive language, and as a result, both my hubby and this other young man went down the wrong path by accident. Here's the punch line friend. Both of these young men should have been in the "other guys" lane. One lane is for computer programing, and the other is for video game design. The kicker is that they are both called "computer programming." So you can see how this confused both young men, leading them to both drop out.

    Through this conversation, we learned that it was simply the "wrong" path and hubby and I are more excited than ever for him to pursue this dream job and return to school next fall. Of course, neither of them was on the "wrong" path because it was all part of God's plan for both of them.

    A few weeks ago, after a therapy session, hubby came to me and told me that he wanted to be a video game designer and wanted to start pursuing this God-given desire. I started singing the hallelujah chorus. We have known for a long time that this is what he wanted, but his experience with it the first time when we went to school and went down the "wrong" path through him off course for a long time and gave him some trauma.

So when he came to me a few weeks ago and said it was time to get back on track and that he had finally realized that he wants to be a video game designer, I was thrilled. Since then, he has been trying to figure out if he wants/needs to return to school and what that would look like. The conversation we had with this new friend answered all these questions and more. It encouraged us to pursue this new path and gave us a place to start.

    Walking into church last Sunday, I felt hesitant and on guard, and I walked out feeling blessed with a weight lifted off my shoulders.

    It was so encouraging to watch my hubby light up about his future career, and that there is a way to make it happen. We are very excited to head down this new path toward his career. 

    

    It amazes me how one simple sentence from someone without background knowledge of my hubby could mean so much. God used that unsuspecting man to encourage and instruct hubby and me on the right path. God is good and works in mysterious ways, friend. I went into that conversation expecting one answer and came out with an entirely different one. For that, I am so thankful.

    Hubby has been working very hard with his therapist over the last few months and has made amazing progress, which I am proud of and blessed by. The night he told me he wanted to design video games, I thought, "Sweet, we are back on track." Then when we walked out of that conversation, I thought, "And now we have direction and some ideas of how to make it work."

    I pray friend, that this post finds you well and blesses you in whatever way you need today.

Happy Sunday

God Bless

~Hannah

God used this man and our conversation to "bridge" the gap between my husband and his career path.

To Enjoy Life Sounds Like...

    To enjoy life sounds like... heaven on earth. To sit in a park with my book or journal and maybe an iced coffee with the sound of nature all around me sounds like heaven on earth. To just sit and rest in the fresh air. To feel my anxiety just fade away and my heartbeat settles down. To hear birds in the trees around me and children enjoying their summer vacation on the play set. While they laugh and play, scream and yell among themselves. All while I enjoy the passion, talent and creativity that my beloved authors bring to each of their books. Or my Creator Himself brings to mind while I journal.

    For my husband, it means hanging out with friends, while they eat good food and play games. It's researching a topic and learning new things that challenge his thinking. Playing fetch with our dog and giving her belly rubs. It's spontaneous ice cream dates after work and movie nights with Blessing and me on our couch.

    For teenage girls (yes, I'm stereotyping) its going to the mall with their friends and picking out a new outfit and getting their nails done. Or finding that hair accessory that you have been looking for.

    For others, like my husband, it's curling up on the couch with your family and watching a good movie with your favourite snacks and building memories that will last a lifetime.

    It sounds like walking through nature while listening to your favourite podcast. It's hosting a dinner party and trying a new recipe. It's so many different things to different people because God created every one of us differently and gave us each our own things to enjoy.

    John 10:10 "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." God does not want us to simply go to work, pay bills and clean our homes. He wants us to enjoy our lives. To enjoy His creation and use the skills, gifts and talents that He has given every one of us.

    For a long time, I have struggled with "enjoying" life. For years I had the mindset that I am on this earth to go to work, pay bills and exercise. I saw a meme about it one day saying how we are created for more than just that and it hit me between the eyes. Of course, it has taken me several years to accept that I do not have simply just work and pay bills. That I am allowed to enjoy life and all the blessings that God has given to me. I had the wrong mindset for years that I did not "deserve" to enjoy life and such. Thankfully that is not true. Thankfully what is true is that God loves me and wants me to enjoy the life that He has given to me. I had never really noticed John 10:10 until recently while reading a Joyce Myers book and she spoke on this topic for a moment and it all hit me.

    So now I'm trying to practice "enjoying" life more and giving myself "permission" to do so. Want to know what I have discovered friend? It's refreshing and relaxing. Last Sunday I spent the entire day laying on our couch reading a book. It was such a good book that I borrowed it from the library on Friday evening and finished it Sunday evening. I'm not a fast reader, so this is an impressive feat for me. At one point in the afternoon on Sunday my hubby came out of his office for a snack and walked through the living room. He stopped and we talked for a few minutes. I told him that I hadn't felt this relaxed in ages and was so grateful that we stayed home that day. Yes, we enjoy attending church regularly and believe in the importance of fellowship and corporate worship, but laying on my couch that day and just reading my favourite author's work was soulful and such a blessing.

    So, friend, I hope that you have already learned this lesson long ago and are enjoying the blessing of enjoying the life that God has given you. If not, I hope you learn alongside me that it is not just good to enjoy life through various activities, but that it is a blessing from God.

Happy Sunday All

I pray that this post finds you well and blesses you.

~Hannah

Silencing The Voice Of The Enemy

    Why do we listen to the voice of the enemy? We all do it, whether we want to admit to it or not. It is not an everyday occurrence, but regular non the less. Yes, I'm calling myself out too. Logically speaking it makes no sense. He is a liar. So why are we listening to him? The truth of the matter is that we listen to him because he entices our sinful nature and says he can give us things that we desire. Even though we both know that only God can give us the desires of our hearts. Yes, the enemy was good once, he was one of God's angels who developed a big head and got demoted. But that was long before we were born. So It's not like we thought the enemy was good and then learned the truth later. We have always known this. Yes, he tried to tell us that he can give us things that we desire that are outside of God's design for us but sound appealing to our sinful nature. The enemy's one mission in life is to steal, kill and destroy. This begs the question of why we listen to him. "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10. God wants to give us a beautiful life and the enemy wants to destroy it.

    One of the many things I struggle with is my outward appearance. Both God and my hubby, the two most important voices in my life, both say I am beautiful and according to my standards of beauty and what I look for in others, I am. Some days I do see it, but, most days, I cannot. The enemy says I have to wear makeup and work for my outer beauty. But God, says that I'm already beautiful. So why do I believe the voice that says I have to work for something when the other voice, the most important voice says that I do not have to work for it? It makes no sense. It's time to silence the voice of the enemy and turn up the voice of Holy Spirit.

    The other reason why I think we listen to the enemy's voice is that he is sneaky and plants little ideas in our heads and when aren't careful and on guard we entertain those thoughts. In other words, there are times when we "choose" to listen when he is offering things that he has no business offering and when we are not fully on guard and watching our thoughts.

    Recently at work, I was thinking through our laundry. My hubby has a habit of leaving piles of dirty laundry around our apartment. It's a combination of it being just the two of us in our home and likely his ADHD. No, not here to vent my marital frustrations or put my hubby down.

    Part of my heart and mind say that because I do the majority of our housework that he could at least put his laundry in the hamper. Sometimes in the evening, I tell him I'm doing laundry the next morning and ask him to put all the piles he wants washed in the basket. He then quickly gets up and puts it all in the basket.

    Part of my thoughts were directing me back to a conversation I had with my counselor. We were discussing household chores and such. She suggested that I "give" my hubby the chores that I wasn't particular about how they are done and what hills I wanted to die on, and what I am willing to live with. I am annoyed with the piles of clothing, but it's not the end of the world. I know my hubby doesn't do it intentionally. Between his mental health and his ADHD, he struggles with some tasks. Again, not here to slander my hubby. Ruth spent a lot of time complaining and talking down about her hubby. Hannah is a new woman 😉 and spends very little time talking down about her hubby, or at least I'm working on it. 😉

    Anyways, one of the thoughts the enemy gave me was that if I picked up the piles and then washed, dried, etc I would be doing everything and become a doormat.

    Thankfully Holy Spirit interrupted the enemy and informed me that I was listening to the enemy because my thoughts didn't line up with Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things." It stopped me in my tracks. Because I was then able to turn around and tell the enemy that that's not who my hubby is. He doesn't treat me like a doormat. He loves me.

    Yes, I do the majority of the work around our home, but I do it out of love, enjoyment and because my hubby appreciates it. Of which he tells me regularly. When he comes to me and tells me how much he appreciates it, it makes me feel loved and appreciated.

    Like I said before. The enemy wants to kill, steal and destroy. In my situation with my outward appearance, he wants to destroy my God-given confidence and relationship with God. he wants me to think that I have to work for my beauty. In my laundry situation, he wants to destroy my marriage and put a wedge between my husband and I. Friend, we need to silence the voice of the enemy and turn up Holy Spirit's voice in our hearts.

I pray that you would also silence the enemies voice in your life and turn up Holy Spirit's voice.

God Bless

~Hannah

God gave someone the gift of landscaping to create this beauty and me the gift of photography to capture it.

No "Room" For Emotions

    Despite being a rather emotional person, I have no room or "time" for them in my life. I am a very black-and-white person. I like to get up early in the morning and, get my housework and other such things done and go to work. Where I know exactly what is expected of me and my coworkers. At work, we are expected to get our work done and interact with each other respectfully and pleasantly. I "enjoy" this type of environment. There is no guesswork about what kind of mood people will be in because they are expected to be pleasant, and if you are having a bad day, you distance yourself.

    I am also a very task-oriented person, so getting a to-do list done is very satisfying to me. Similarly, when I am at work, I have a to-do list that mainly consists of the same things all day long, which I also enjoy. It allows me to spend my time thinking about other things that I need/want to do.

    My "problems" arise once I get home. No, I am not dissing my hubby or throwing him under the bus. Next to Christ, he is the love of my life. I simply mean that home is where the emotions are. Where they are supposed to be. And yet, I expect my home to run the same way work does. I expect to arrive home and continue with my to-do list. Expect that's not how it works. Sometimes your work day has been long, and I do not have enough energy to finish that list or hubby wants to spend time together. Which, of course, I also wish to do. Time with him is one of my favourite things. You see, I have this "fear" that someone is going to walk into my home an hour after I get home and ask why I have not completed any tasks since getting home. Yes, I know. Completely irrational. A) No one is going to walk into my home, and B) I need to put my people pleasing at the foot of Jesus.

    Yes, I have anxiety that rears its ugly head in many different places, just like many other people. I'm working on it though. I am working on not giving myself a to-do list for both my mornings and evenings. As I posted in a previous post, having a to-do list in the morning and evening would simply be playing into Satan's trap of being "BUSY" and I do not want that. I'm hoping that this new practice will help me to "make room" for emotions.

    Because emotions are not bad. They are good. Jesus showed emotions throughout His time on earth. Emotions tell us how we are doing and if we need to change something. Whether that be adding something or subtracting something.

    At the end of the day though, it all boils down to this. I need to stop working every minute of every day and give myself permission to relax and be human. This is a lesson that both Holy Spirit and my hubby have been trying to teach me for a long time and hopefully one of these days I will learn and apply this lesson. So much of my worth comes from "doing," but that's not what God originally intended. He created me to "be." Yes, work is important, but it does not define us, and it should not come before our relationship with God.

    So there you have it friends, a highly emotional person who struggles with and kinda hates emotions. Life would be so much simpler if I were just a robot. But, that's not how God created me. So I have to learn how to "be human" and give myself the time and space to experience and enjoy all the emotions that God has given to us.

    Thank you for reading along as I process that lessons that Holy Spirit teaches me and transforms me into the woman He wants me to be. I am praying blessings over you and all the things that you are going through as well.

God Bless

~Hannah

Working Within My Limits

    I'm trying to learn to work within my limits. First, I need to learn what my limits are which also involves admitting that I have limits and therefore cannot do it all. That in and of itself has been hard to admit to. I know I am not God, and just this morning during my quiet time He reminded me that He is in control and that at the end of the day, I don't want to control the world. That would be too much work. I struggle with controlling my environment and my family. Thankfully I am blessed with a loving husband who will put his foot down when necessary and help me when I am trying to control things.

    The other day we had a disagreement before work which left us both frustrated and upset. While I went through the motions of my work day, God reminded me that  I cannot control others but I can control myself and my actions and attitude. This is exactly what I need to do to fix and prevent the upset from happening again. Needless to say, God and I have some work to do. But that's what it's all about. If you are not growing you and neutral and possibly lukewarm, and we know how God feels about that.

    Before I can start learning what my limits are, I need to accept that I do have them. Even God rested on the seventh day. So why do I think I don't need to rest or that I am better than that? Surly I don't think I am God or even close to Him and I have no desire to be God. Guess I want to be more like God than I realize. Truth is, I want to be Superwoman, but I am not, and that bothers me. As I was journaling and processing these thoughts about wanting to be able to do everything, it reminded me of Eve. She too had human desires that were not wrong, but she went about the wrong way of getting those things (good food, pleasing to the eye, and desirable for gaining wisdom. Gen 3:6) and it caused her to sin. The enemy has taken my work ethic and desire to accomplish an unnecessarily big to-do list and used it against me, and it's time it stopped. Working hard and getting stuff done is not bad. It is good, and work is from the Lord, but when I push myself to the point of being "witchy" then it's bad.

    I'm slowly learning where my limits are. Okay, hubby and Holy Spirit are telling me where they are, but I am trying to faithfully listen to them. I know that when I go past my limits and turn "witchy," I am very unpleasant to be around. I have been trying to figure out how much I can put into each day and week before I turn "witchy." I have taken a few things out/rearranged my work to better accomplish this goal.

    I started reading "Straight Talk" by Joyce Meyer this past week, and, as always, Holy Spirit is using her book to change my life. In the first chapter, she mentions that when you are no longer demonstrating the Fruit of the Spirit, then you have gone past the line and are now doing more than God wants you to do and has intended for you to do. It was a beautiful reminder. I know that I have pushed myself too far when I get "witchy" and irritable and no longer calm, respectful, and understanding. Awkwardly enough, I hadn't compared these verbs to the Fruit of the Spirit, or at least not directly. This is funny because these verbs are the Fruits of The Spirit. What I found interesting in the first chapter of the book is how God has already set a number of things for me to do every day and week, and He will provide me with the energy and time to accomplish those tasks. It's when I go past His will that things go south. I desire to live within His will, favor, and blessing so I am going to slow down a little bit more and listen for that still small voice as Holy Spirit directs me where to go.

    Years ago someone at my church told me what the word "busy" meant after I had said something about my life/schedule. Being Under Satan's Yoke. At the moment I thought it was a cute acronym and brushed it off. Years later, I now realize that I need to dial it back and adjust the tasks and activities that fill my days and weeks and within the limits that God has ordained for me before time began. My biggest struggle now is to watch my mood and energy for when I start to get irritable and know when I am closing in on my limits. Because the truth is, the witchy version of me is not so nice to be around or be for that matter. So I am going to practice being more self-aware and monitor my energy, emotions, thoughts, and, The Holy Spirit's voice directing me to accomplish the tasks He has set before me and become the woman of God that He created me to be.

    I pray this post finds you well and blesses you in whatever season you are going through friend. And always remember to work within the limits that He has given you.

God Bless

~Hannah 

Treated myself to a self-portrait photoshoot.

Learning to be Compassionate

    It occurred to me recently that I can give everyone around me compassion except for my hubby. Okay, fine. I've known for a while, but God recently convicted me of it. One day while at work, I prayed, asking God to explain why He had me at my part-time job. Why am I at the banquet hall and not some other place of business that I would much rather prefer? He told me it was to teach me to be compassionate towards my hubby and his mental health. 

    For a long time, I have had a very toxic and archaic opinion towards mental health problems and in particular my hubby's struggle. An issue that needed to be addressed and fixed. I've had a very "just walk it off" mindset for a long time that needed to change. Because the stress, anxiety, and adrenaline high (not in a good way) I get while at the banquet hall is so bad that I can barely eat anything during the entirety of my shift. The majority of my shifts are at least ten hours. Not a very good thing by any means. So I prayed and asked God to forgive me for not being compassionate with my hubby and his mental health. Because what I feel when I am at that business is similar to what he feels regularly. As I was praying, God told me He wasn't the one I needed to apologize to. So I pulled my phone out and texted hubby, and apologized. We then talked more about it after work. I then attended my next shift at the banquet hall with "anticipation" to learn my lesson so I can get the heck out of there and find a different part-time job. I have learned over the last few years that when God says He has something that I need to learn/work on, I better get on board. I've learned that it's a whole lot easier and nicer to walk alongside God hand-in-hand and learn a lesson than to be dragged kicking and screaming.

    It has been a month now, and I can honestly say that I have learned to be compassionate with him. God and I have worked together to make me a softer person. I am still a straight-faced, serious, and intense person who only smiles when I desire, but I have learned to be more gentle towards my hubby and that's what counts.

      I will be handing in my notice to the banquet hall next week. I am excited and relieved.

    I pray this post finds you well, friend, and walking hand-in-hand with our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

~Hannah

Books vs Video Games

    They are one and the same. At first glance, most people would argue that books and video games are not the same and might even say that one is better than the other. They are the same in that they both have storylines, characters, and plots. Both can help you make new friends. Some are educational and can teach you things. Also, I have heard of some children who learned to read so that they could play and understand their video games.

    They have their differences as well though. Video games involve a screen where books do not. Okay, they can. Personally, I am not a fan of e-readers. I appreciate their compatibility, but personally, nothing beats holding a physical book and watching the weight of its switch from one hand to the other.

    For a long time, I thought books were superior to video games, and if I'm honest, I still do. Mainly because of my upbringing. No disrespect to my parents. My siblings and I spent very little time in front of a screen while we were growing up. We spent a lot of time outside or playing with Lego and myself my doll, and my stuffed dog. We did gain access to video games, but even then, our screen time was limited plus, we were heavily involved in sports and music from childhood and up.

    On the other hand, my hubby did have access to video games at a young age, and his love for them has grown as he grew up. He has fond memories of playing video games with his dad and siblings. This "debate" sparked from a conversation that he and I had the other day. He loves video games because not only of his childhood memories but because it allows him to be a part of the story in a more physical and hands-on way with the controller. He is able to interact with the characters and, depending on the game, has a say in how the story plays out. Books do not have that feature. The author does all the work, and we get to sit back and enjoy. He is also an introvert with social anxiety, so he enjoys being with his online community instead of the "real world."

    Where I prefer books. I did not always though. My parents along with two of my siblings enjoy reading a good book. I read on and off during my childhood and teen years. A mixture of not being a fast reader and not knowing what I enjoyed reading. Plus I had and still have a social media scrolling habit that sometimes gets in the way of diving into a book. But I am working on finding more balance. I finally found an author I enjoyed in my early 20s and have read a chunk of her work along with other authors and would now call myself an avid reader. I have found that if the author does a good job of writing their story, then I am just as involved with the characters on the page as hubby is on the screen. 

    The argument that they are the same is that they are both forms of media to be consumed. Sure, stereotypically, they are enjoyed by different crowds. Offhand, I do not know of anyone who is regularly involved in enjoying both. Correct me if I'm wrong. I don't think I have ever heard someone described as both a gamer and a reader. The point of our discussion was that neither of them is bad. Like anything in life, as long they are consumed in moderation and do not take over the rest of our lives, then they are perfectly fine. Hubby finds playing video games relaxing, and I love to unwind in bed with a book. I am trying to imagine the opposite scenario in my head right now, and not only is it funny, but weird. Anyways, the point is that everyone has their favourite form of media to consume, and sometimes we need to put our personal biases aside so that we can learn why someone thinks the way they do and likes the things that they like. My hubby and I are very different people and depending on the day it can be a good or bad thing. We try to use our differences to benefit our marriage and family.

Enjoy your long weekend friends. I know we will.

~Hannah

During Covid one of the managers at work started a photo challenge group. The first challenge was a "self portrait" that was not a selfie. Todays photo is our "family portrait" without our faces.