No Longer Looking for Man's Approval.

    God did an amazing miracle in my life late last week. That has changed my life, and I still can’t believe it. I have struggled with self-hatred and self-worth issues for as long as I can remember. I also try to stay busy for busy sake and to avoid my pain.

    I have been slowly working through Joyce Meyer's book, 'Authentically, uniquely you.' I read it a few years ago, and then I was gifted a copy shortly after I read the library's copy. I thought, in January, it would be a good book to start off the year with. God has been using it along with His Spirit to help me along in my journey. I reject myself very regularly, and the enemy has a heyday regularly telling me that I'm not worth it and such.

    

    The other morning at work, I was very worked up and fighting in my head with my husband, over absolutely nothing. Build up stress from the week, and my mind was going nuts with it. I decided to hang out on social media for a few minutes on my break. I have been doing a social media fast for the month of January, minus posting my blogs, and decided I could handle returning to that world for a few minutes. To let my brain numb out via a screen for a few minutes.

    It honestly did wonders for me. I came back from break feeling refreshed and set free. You see, I also struggle with what people think of me. Do they think I eat too much chocolate? Do they think I spend too much time on my phone and on social media? So on and so on. Well, I believe God used these few minutes to help me decompress and see the truth. God made me unique, just like he did for you. And all the things that I like, chocolate, and seeing a handful of people's posts online, are just a few of the things that make up who I am. And I no longer need to worry about what other people think about me.

After the break, I returned to my paint booth and pondered the things God had just taught me. I had such peace, and nearly started to cry because I am no longer worried about what others think about me. God has broken the chains of worrying about what others think of me.

    Within 24hrs, I noticed that my sense of self-worth had gone up. A “side effect” that I was not expecting to come from no longer caring what others thought of me. Of course, it made sense, though, because now that I was no longer worrying what others were thinking, I could focus on what God says about me. He says, “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139:13-14. NIV.

    I also noticed that I stopped attaching my worth to things. Instead, seeking to find my identity and worth in Christ alone. Something I am going to have to practice daily. But, one step at a time. I also attach my worth to my opinion and things, and then if I feel that someone, mainly hubby, doesn't agree with the thing or the opinion, then in my mind, he is attacking my worth. Which, of course, he is not. Which leads to far more petty arguments than necessary.

    Since God healed me,  I feel a sense of peace and calm instead of always being heightened and ready to defend myself. We have had one minor squabble; I was getting heightened. Hubby lovingly called me out and told me I was attaching my worth to my opinion again. Within a minute or two, I calmed down, and we continued talking about the topic at hand. I am making progress, though. I was trying a new recipe the other night, and he wondered why they left out an ingredient. I didn't know. I decided to check the recipe. He was right, the ingredient that I left out was supposed to be there. I found the ingredient in the cupboard and continued making supper. I looked at hubby and said, 'The old me would have gotten upset about this.' he agreed.

    I am still in awe of what God has done for me and how it has changed my life, our marriage and our home. I have been fighting this battle for many years and asking God for help. He has answered my prayers and healed my heart and soul.

    I pray that God brings you the healing that you are praying for and seeking after, as well, friend. I pray that this post encourages you and reminds you that you are not alone in your struggles and that we serve a Good God who loves us and has amazing plans for our lives. Plans far bigger and better than we could ever imagine.

God Bless

~Hannah

Failing is an Option

    This past summer, my husband's step-grandmother found some beautiful red fabric at the second-hand store she volunteers at and thought I would like to make myself a skirt for Christmas out of it. She was right.

    I decided I wanted to try my hand at making a dress for Christmas this year. So I found a pattern online and got started. I had to print out the pattern and assemble it like a puzzle. The pattern came with a little 5cm square, and if the square measured properly after printing it, then the pattern was to scale. It wasn't. But I ignored it and kept going. I didn't know it would affect the dress. Looking back, I should have researched how to deal with that, but I didn’t. Lesson learned.

    I quickly figured out that the pattern and instructions were not well done and left a lot of information out. In their defense, the difficulty level was intermediate. I am a beginner, trying to become an intermediate seamstress. So I started cutting out the pieces and sewing them together. After four seams on the bodice (top part), I realized I did them wrong and had to pick them all out and redo them. This would soon become a pattern for the whole dress. Sew a seam and pick it out. But I kept going and fought hard. I wanted it ready for hubby's staff party. So I fought, and I fought, and I fought. I was determined.

    The staff party arrived, and it wasn't finished. I was upset and disappointed. I had 'failed'. Mom encouraged me to take a break. After a day or two, my emotions were clear again, and I started to wonder if Mom and I could fix it when we visited my parents for New Year's. We agreed that there was a good chance, so I put it out of my mind until it was time to head North.

    The day before leaving for Sudbury, the weather got bad, and we prayed. The Holy Spirit said no traveling. We were to stay put. Epic gut punch. It's hard living a full day's drive from my side of the family. Yes, I know others live further from their extended family. But whether it's a day's drive, across the country, or another country entirely,

It's hard.

    Anyway, I gave it another day to clear my head again. That night I couldn't sleep. So I put the dress on and started examining all the parts that needed fixing, and wondering what to do. I put it on and looked in the mirror. I took a mental inventory of how it looked and felt. There were some seams that didn’t match the way I wanted them to, and it was tight in all the wrong places. I was going to have to cut out new pieces to replace ones that didn’t fit, or risk having patches all over the place. I didn’t want that look, nor did I have enough fabric to keep going. I was “giving up.”  I went back to bed and told hubby. He encouraged me not walk away from it and not give up. I said I would give it one more try. The next morning, I examined one of the seams to see if I could fix it and then make a decision from there. I had to let a seam out a bit, but I didn't have enough seam allowance to do it. And I didn't want to just put a patch in it. I decided then and there that it was truly over. I had 'failed,' not for lack of trying, though.  It was a combination of a bad pattern, a bad printing job, and my skill set. So I chopped off the bodice and finished the skirt portion, and made it into a nice skirt.

    I don't really consider it a fail, though. Yes, the dress did not turn out, so in that regard, I failed. But, I also learned so much in the process, and that's what matters. “Failing at something doesn’t make you a failure; the only way you can fail is to quit trying.” (Joyce Meyers, Authentically, Uniqually You - page 55) Did I quite that particular bodice pattern? Yes, and then redirected to another pattern and succeeded. Since then, I have made another dress that I still don’t completely love, but it turned out much better than the first one. In the book that I just quoted, Myers talks about people who failed their way to success, and that's what I’m doing now. One dress pattern at a time.

    I learned about patterns and what makes a good vs bad pattern. I learned about how to properly cut out a pattern. Mom also reminded me about snipping the edges when you want the fabric to bend nicely. For around your neck and bodice. I learned about the shapes of pattern pieces.

    New Year’s Eve, I went to Fabricland to get a pattern for my next dress, and not only found out that Fabricland will no longer be receiving patterns. The company that makes them is no longer making/ selling them.  Another customer in the store mentioned getting patterns online. I told her that I tried, and it didn't work out. I briefly explained the pattern legend and how it wasn't the right size. She said that when that happens to her, she simply adds more fabric to her pieces. I didn't bother telling her that I was still very new to patterns. I did take her advice to heart, though, and if I run into the same problem again, I will know what to do.

    While I was in the process of making the dress, a couple of people wondered if I would burn the pattern after I was done with it. I told them that I wanted to finish the dress and then make it again in a few months, and master it. I have since decided not redo that pattern because I now have a better pattern for the same dress style. So why bother wasting time on a bad pattern when I could use a good one and get a nice dress out of it? I originally wanted to redo the pattern to prove a point. That I’m a good seamstress. But I already know that and am still learning and expanding my knowledge/skill set.

    On New Year's Eve, before I went to Fabricland and after learning that I was officially 'throwing in the towel' on this dress, I decided that I needed to boost my confidence by sewing a bodice. I watched a video last night explaining how to make your own pattern for a bodice. It looked like a good video, so I thought I would try it out. It worked. The armpits were a little wonky (I don't have the tool the girl in the video does for making the perfect armpit shape), but otherwise, it fit perfectly, and my confidence was boosted.

    So yes, my Christmas dress did not turn out in the end. And some might say that I failed. Heck, I was saying it at first. Google's definition of failure is: lack of success. Sure, the dress itself wasn't successful, but I was successful in learning new things, and I can still salvage the skirt portion and add it to my collection of skirts. So all is not lost.

    I'm also working on speaking life over myself this year. When I say that I failed in making this dress, it does hurt. I’m working on reminding myself that there is a difference between failing a project and being a failure. The difference is mindset and not letting one bad project derail you entirely.

    So, the next time you are working on a project, and it fails. Take it in stride and learn from it. As nice as it is to succeed at a project, and it is. I expect we learn more when it doesn’t work. So I guess  I hope you both fail and succeed on your future projects.

God bless

~Hannah

I Need My Own Faith

    I was reading Genesis 3, the fall of man, last Sunday evening. I had read Genesis 1 and 2 earlier, and after God blessed and taught me things from chapter 1, I wanted to continue. He started revealing things to me again in chapter 3.

    In chapter 3, the serpent tricks Eve and then Adam into eating from the tree of life and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. 2:9. Down in verse 16 and 17 'And the Lord God commanded the man, 'You are free to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die."

    Down in chapter 3, the serpent goes over and talks to Eve, twists God's words, and convinces Eve that she will not die if she eats from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. So she takes it and sees that it's yummy, and then gives some to Adam, who was also hanging out. The way it lines up in the text, Eve is the first to sin, and then Adam follows after. For a time, someone had suggested that they both sinned at the same time because if Adam had been leading his family aka his wife, to the Lord, like any good godly man does, then he would have spoken up and redirected Eve away from the serpent and the tree of life. Assuming that she would have listened. I don’t always listen to hubby when he is trying to lead me. But he didn't speak up. He was there just hanging out, and then when Eve offered him some fruit, he took it and ate. I admit that for a while I liked this view point. I suspect that was during my more feminist days. I now call myself a recovering feminist. Because being a feminist is not what God wants for His daughters. But that is a post for another day. Anyways, I enjoyed blaming Adam instead of Eve for a while.

    Well, while I was reading Sunday evening, God revealed this passage to me in a new and fresh way. In a beautiful way that I needed to hear. He reminded me that I needed to have my own faith and relationship with Him outside of my relationship with God that I share with my husband. Our marriage has a relationship with God, but we also have to have individual relationships with Him as well. It was a beautiful, gentle reminder to seek God for myself and not to simply follow my husband. I am to submit to my husband, but my relationship with God is supposed to be my own. I knew He was right and have been working on strengthening that relationship ever since.

    I then told hubby about the revolution that God gave me. He reminded me that he had said the same thing several times recently. He was right, he had said that exact thing a couple of times in the last few weeks. I knew he was right then, but I guess I wasn't ready to hear it then. I apologized to him for not listening to him earlier. Understandably, I think he was a little upset that I didn't listen to him sooner, but at the end of the day, he simply wants me to get closer to God, which is what I'm working on now.

    I suggested to him that it was a 'right person at the right time' situation. Meaning that someone, usually your spouse, can say something and you don't believe them, and then someone outside of your family says the same thing later on, and you listen to the second person. This results in your spouse feeling a little hurt.  Hubby isn't in it for the glory or anything, of course, he simply just wants me to grow closer to God. He wants to make sure that when the time comes, we are both going to heaven.

    So, I have been digging into The Word more and asking the Holy Spirit to bring The Scripture alive in a fresh way to me, and deepening my prayer life.

    I pray this encourages you to deepen your relationship with God and not rely on your spouse or other family members' relationships with God to be your relationship with God.

God Bless

~Hannah

Digging Into God's Word

    I was digging into the Word of God last Sunday. I decided to start in Genesis. I believe the Word of God is alive and active, sharper than any double-edged sword, and because of this, each time we read it, God reveals new things to us. Hebrews 4:12.

    As I'm reading the creation account, as I have many times before. I'm noticing that everything that God creates is instant. There is no 'loading' time. Genesis 1:3 'And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light.' Genesis 1:6 "And God said, "Let there be a vault between the waters to separate water from water.' God speaks, and it is done. Instantly. I started pondering this. I looked over at my hubby, who was playing with Blessing, and shared my thoughts, saying, 'If God could create everything instantly, why did He take a whole week to do it?' He could have created everything in a day. Hubby responded with the idea that God wanted to enjoy His creation and that He had no reason to rush. I suggested the principle that 'Rome wasn't built in a day,' and that there is more to life than just working. Maybe God was showing us that not only are we supposed to rest on the 7th day, which is a few verses down from where I was in this moment, but also demonstrating to us the '40 hr' work week. That we don't need to spend all 24 hours of the day working. To my current knowledge, the Scriptures do not confirm or deny my theory. It simply says that God created the heavens and the earth and everything in them in six days, and on the 7th He rested and blessed that day. I thought to myself that when I get to heaven, I'll ask, then I remembered that I won't care once I arrive there.

    Hubby reminded me that we live in a world that wants to create things and be productive, but the moment a “to-do” list is done, or an object is built, we quickly move on to the next thing. We rarely spend time enjoying the things we created.

    All we know is that each day of creation God creates something, determines that the thing is good, and then it's evening and morning, the next day. Maybe it does take God all day to create each thing, making my theory null and void, or maybe it takes him a second for each item, and then He spends the rest of the day relaxing.

    I don't know. What I do know is that I'm just a girl digging into the Word of God and delighting in God revealing new things to me. Maybe for me the lesson is to not fill every second of my day with work, but to also enjoy the things I have created. Like a nice supper for hubby and I, or enjoying the view of our apartment, clean and tidy. I don't know. All I know is that the Word is alive and active, and my understanding of that passage in Hebrews that I mentioned at the beginning is saying that because the Bible is alive and active that God can and does reveal new things each time we read it, allowing us to grow in our faith and relationship with Him.

    As I was reading, wrestling, and talking to hubby. I thought about how I wanted to write it all down and share it with you, my faithful friend and reader. I also enjoyed a new sense of peace and joy as I dug into the Word and fellowshiped with God and hubby. I know that God uses different verses to touch people's hearts in different ways.

    I say all this because I don't want to lead you down the wrong path or anything. Or say that the Word is saying one thing when it's actually saying another. This is simply what I understood while I read it that afternoon, and I am now feeling blessed by it and wanted to share.

I pray that God reveals new things to you the next time you dig into His Word.

God Bless

~Hannah

Handing Down Advice

    During our last week at work before Christmas, we had a few coworkers from plant 7 come over and help out our buffing department. After I finished painting for the day, I discovered that one of our helpers was in my spot. So I took the spot across from them. I didn't know who was in 'my spot,' but I was hoping it was a new young lady whom I didn't know and could visit with. Well, God is good, and it was her. We introduced ourselves and started chatting. I quickly learned that she had gotten married the previous summer at the age of 21. That was how old I was when my husband and I got married. I then told her I was 32 and just celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary this past summer. It was like looking in the mirror at a taller version of myself. She then asked if I had any advice. I thought, 'Oh boy! Do I ever!' 😀 I first asked if she was a believer in our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Praise the Lord, she said yes. Because the advice I would give an unbeliever would be different than what I would say to a young woman of God who is now blessed to be a wife.

    The first chunk of advice I gave her was about things I had done wrong and suggested she not repeat. I then sprinkled in a handful of things that she should do. She then started giving me scenarios and asked how I would handle them. Some of which I had to take a few minutes and think about a good, helpful answer. I was encouraged to see her asking for good/mature advice. We quickly exchanged phone numbers, and I started texting her advice as I thought about it. We then spent the next couple of days working together, and I enjoyed answering questions and making suggestions.

    I was and still am loving having someone to pour that advice into. Like any marriage, we have had our good and bad seasons, and I am grateful for both. I have wondered for a few years if God would bring someone along that I could pour into and encourage a young wife. I am a big believer that God allows us to go through the hard seasons so that we can pour into others and encourage them when they go through their trials. Having someone to give advice to who is also a woman of God has blessed me so much. I never imagined being so excited to tell someone about many of the ways I had failed as a wife and a few tips to bless and build up her marriage. When we first got married, I never thought to ask anyone for advice. I guess I figured I knew what I was doing. In reality, I had no idea. But I was very stubborn back then and would probably not have taken any advice anyway. I’m a little less stubborn now, and I do accept marital advice when it is given.

Of course, I don't have all the answers, and any wife who has been married longer than I have would have more. I also suspect that those who got married later in life or remarried for whatever reason would also have different advice. As you would expect. So it was really cool to see a young woman of God who was a new bride and married her hubby at the same age I was when I married my hubby.

    I told her about my blog and how she might be blessed by it as well. I then told her that I had been enjoying advising and encouraging her so much that I would be writing about it for an upcoming blog. She agreed.

I'm far from perfect, and am currently working on some big things right now, but I have learned a lot in our 10 years, and it was and is such a joy to share that knowledge with a young bride.

    I was on Instagram the other evening and saw a video. It was an intro to a marriage conference. They were taking a minute to congratulate the oldest marriages. So a handful of couples were standing at this point. The man on the stage asked those who had been married 50 years to remain standing, so those under 50 would sit down. They call out another number or two. A few remain. He finally says, '68 years' for fun. One couple remains. 'The winners,' they are then asked how long they have been married. The wife answers, '72 years.' The man on stage, along with everyone in the auditorium, is amazed. They received a standing ovation. I started to cry, and every time I think about the video, I cry. I went to the comment section for fun. All beautiful comments. One of my thoughts was about how much wisdom they must have to share. It blessed me so much. I am so grateful that the people who posted the video did, because there is enough noise from the enemy on the internet, so we need more good news. Like the possibility of staying happily married for 72 years. I wonder how many marriages have been ministered to by that marriage over the years. It makes me humbly wonder how many marriages and young singles who desire to be married will be ministered to by my marriage, by God's grace.

    All in all, it was a blessing to start speaking into a new marriage of two young believers, and I hope God brings more my way. I have given advice to other young brides-to-be, but unbelievers. Which also has its place, but it's a totally different ball game to give advice to a young believer who loves the Lord.

    Believing wives, if you have never experienced giving advice to a younger believing wife. I expect you have already though, I think most of the married woman who read my blog are older than me. But still. Pray and ask God to bring you someone to speak to. It will bless you  more than you can imagine, and of course, it will help the new couple as well.

I pray this blesses and encourages you today, friend.

God Bless

~Hannah