Working Within My Limits

    I'm trying to learn to work within my limits. First, I need to learn what my limits are which also involves admitting that I have limits and therefore cannot do it all. That in and of itself has been hard to admit to. I know I am not God, and just this morning during my quiet time He reminded me that He is in control and that at the end of the day, I don't want to control the world. That would be too much work. I struggle with controlling my environment and my family. Thankfully I am blessed with a loving husband who will put his foot down when necessary and help me when I am trying to control things.

    The other day we had a disagreement before work which left us both frustrated and upset. While I went through the motions of my work day, God reminded me that  I cannot control others but I can control myself and my actions and attitude. This is exactly what I need to do to fix and prevent the upset from happening again. Needless to say, God and I have some work to do. But that's what it's all about. If you are not growing you and neutral and possibly lukewarm, and we know how God feels about that.

    Before I can start learning what my limits are, I need to accept that I do have them. Even God rested on the seventh day. So why do I think I don't need to rest or that I am better than that? Surly I don't think I am God or even close to Him and I have no desire to be God. Guess I want to be more like God than I realize. Truth is, I want to be Superwoman, but I am not, and that bothers me. As I was journaling and processing these thoughts about wanting to be able to do everything, it reminded me of Eve. She too had human desires that were not wrong, but she went about the wrong way of getting those things (good food, pleasing to the eye, and desirable for gaining wisdom. Gen 3:6) and it caused her to sin. The enemy has taken my work ethic and desire to accomplish an unnecessarily big to-do list and used it against me, and it's time it stopped. Working hard and getting stuff done is not bad. It is good, and work is from the Lord, but when I push myself to the point of being "witchy" then it's bad.

    I'm slowly learning where my limits are. Okay, hubby and Holy Spirit are telling me where they are, but I am trying to faithfully listen to them. I know that when I go past my limits and turn "witchy," I am very unpleasant to be around. I have been trying to figure out how much I can put into each day and week before I turn "witchy." I have taken a few things out/rearranged my work to better accomplish this goal.

    I started reading "Straight Talk" by Joyce Meyer this past week, and, as always, Holy Spirit is using her book to change my life. In the first chapter, she mentions that when you are no longer demonstrating the Fruit of the Spirit, then you have gone past the line and are now doing more than God wants you to do and has intended for you to do. It was a beautiful reminder. I know that I have pushed myself too far when I get "witchy" and irritable and no longer calm, respectful, and understanding. Awkwardly enough, I hadn't compared these verbs to the Fruit of the Spirit, or at least not directly. This is funny because these verbs are the Fruits of The Spirit. What I found interesting in the first chapter of the book is how God has already set a number of things for me to do every day and week, and He will provide me with the energy and time to accomplish those tasks. It's when I go past His will that things go south. I desire to live within His will, favor, and blessing so I am going to slow down a little bit more and listen for that still small voice as Holy Spirit directs me where to go.

    Years ago someone at my church told me what the word "busy" meant after I had said something about my life/schedule. Being Under Satan's Yoke. At the moment I thought it was a cute acronym and brushed it off. Years later, I now realize that I need to dial it back and adjust the tasks and activities that fill my days and weeks and within the limits that God has ordained for me before time began. My biggest struggle now is to watch my mood and energy for when I start to get irritable and know when I am closing in on my limits. Because the truth is, the witchy version of me is not so nice to be around or be for that matter. So I am going to practice being more self-aware and monitor my energy, emotions, thoughts, and, The Holy Spirit's voice directing me to accomplish the tasks He has set before me and become the woman of God that He created me to be.

    I pray this post finds you well and blesses you in whatever season you are going through friend. And always remember to work within the limits that He has given you.

God Bless

~Hannah 

Treated myself to a self-portrait photoshoot.

Learning to be Compassionate

    It occurred to me recently that I can give everyone around me compassion except for my hubby. Okay, fine. I've known for a while, but God recently convicted me of it. One day while at work, I prayed, asking God to explain why He had me at my part-time job. Why am I at the banquet hall and not some other place of business that I would much rather prefer? He told me it was to teach me to be compassionate towards my hubby and his mental health. 

    For a long time, I have had a very toxic and archaic opinion towards mental health problems and in particular my hubby's struggle. An issue that needed to be addressed and fixed. I've had a very "just walk it off" mindset for a long time that needed to change. Because the stress, anxiety, and adrenaline high (not in a good way) I get while at the banquet hall is so bad that I can barely eat anything during the entirety of my shift. The majority of my shifts are at least ten hours. Not a very good thing by any means. So I prayed and asked God to forgive me for not being compassionate with my hubby and his mental health. Because what I feel when I am at that business is similar to what he feels regularly. As I was praying, God told me He wasn't the one I needed to apologize to. So I pulled my phone out and texted hubby, and apologized. We then talked more about it after work. I then attended my next shift at the banquet hall with "anticipation" to learn my lesson so I can get the heck out of there and find a different part-time job. I have learned over the last few years that when God says He has something that I need to learn/work on, I better get on board. I've learned that it's a whole lot easier and nicer to walk alongside God hand-in-hand and learn a lesson than to be dragged kicking and screaming.

    It has been a month now, and I can honestly say that I have learned to be compassionate with him. God and I have worked together to make me a softer person. I am still a straight-faced, serious, and intense person who only smiles when I desire, but I have learned to be more gentle towards my hubby and that's what counts.

      I will be handing in my notice to the banquet hall next week. I am excited and relieved.

    I pray this post finds you well, friend, and walking hand-in-hand with our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

~Hannah

Books vs Video Games

    They are one and the same. At first glance, most people would argue that books and video games are not the same and might even say that one is better than the other. They are the same in that they both have storylines, characters, and plots. Both can help you make new friends. Some are educational and can teach you things. Also, I have heard of some children who learned to read so that they could play and understand their video games.

    They have their differences as well though. Video games involve a screen where books do not. Okay, they can. Personally, I am not a fan of e-readers. I appreciate their compatibility, but personally, nothing beats holding a physical book and watching the weight of its switch from one hand to the other.

    For a long time, I thought books were superior to video games, and if I'm honest, I still do. Mainly because of my upbringing. No disrespect to my parents. My siblings and I spent very little time in front of a screen while we were growing up. We spent a lot of time outside or playing with Lego and myself my doll, and my stuffed dog. We did gain access to video games, but even then, our screen time was limited plus, we were heavily involved in sports and music from childhood and up.

    On the other hand, my hubby did have access to video games at a young age, and his love for them has grown as he grew up. He has fond memories of playing video games with his dad and siblings. This "debate" sparked from a conversation that he and I had the other day. He loves video games because not only of his childhood memories but because it allows him to be a part of the story in a more physical and hands-on way with the controller. He is able to interact with the characters and, depending on the game, has a say in how the story plays out. Books do not have that feature. The author does all the work, and we get to sit back and enjoy. He is also an introvert with social anxiety, so he enjoys being with his online community instead of the "real world."

    Where I prefer books. I did not always though. My parents along with two of my siblings enjoy reading a good book. I read on and off during my childhood and teen years. A mixture of not being a fast reader and not knowing what I enjoyed reading. Plus I had and still have a social media scrolling habit that sometimes gets in the way of diving into a book. But I am working on finding more balance. I finally found an author I enjoyed in my early 20s and have read a chunk of her work along with other authors and would now call myself an avid reader. I have found that if the author does a good job of writing their story, then I am just as involved with the characters on the page as hubby is on the screen. 

    The argument that they are the same is that they are both forms of media to be consumed. Sure, stereotypically, they are enjoyed by different crowds. Offhand, I do not know of anyone who is regularly involved in enjoying both. Correct me if I'm wrong. I don't think I have ever heard someone described as both a gamer and a reader. The point of our discussion was that neither of them is bad. Like anything in life, as long they are consumed in moderation and do not take over the rest of our lives, then they are perfectly fine. Hubby finds playing video games relaxing, and I love to unwind in bed with a book. I am trying to imagine the opposite scenario in my head right now, and not only is it funny, but weird. Anyways, the point is that everyone has their favourite form of media to consume, and sometimes we need to put our personal biases aside so that we can learn why someone thinks the way they do and likes the things that they like. My hubby and I are very different people and depending on the day it can be a good or bad thing. We try to use our differences to benefit our marriage and family.

Enjoy your long weekend friends. I know we will.

~Hannah

During Covid one of the managers at work started a photo challenge group. The first challenge was a "self portrait" that was not a selfie. Todays photo is our "family portrait" without our faces.

Happy Mother's Day!

A few days late, but such is life. Consider this as a belated Mother's Day card. Love you all. 

    Happy Mother's Day to all the moms in our lives. Mother's Day, just like Father's Day can be a tricky day for some due to strained relationships, death, etc. Some have lost their mother due to death, and some mothers have lost their children. Others never knew their mom for whatever reason. And still, other woman dreams of being a mother but cannot due to medical or other reasons. To all of you who struggle with mothers Day due to a reason listed here or something else entirely, my heart goes out to you. I am so sorry for your loss, whatever that may look like.

    Mothers are an incredibly important part of the family and society as a whole. Their first role is to carry us in their womb, and nourish us as we grow and prepare to be born. Then they bring us into the world and spend the rest of their lives loving and caring for us. While we are babies they feed us, cloth us, change us, and the list goes on forever. As we age our needs change and our relationship with our mothers changes. All while loving us today as much as they did the day they found out we were on our way. If it was not for our mothers, we would not be the men and women we are today. So if you are like me and are blessed to have a wonderful mother, don't forget to wish her a Happy Mother's Day.

    An old friend of my mother's once argued that celebrating Mother's Day was dumb. If I remember correctly, she argued that it should not take a day on the calendar for us to remember to celebrate and thank our mothers for all they do for us. Her children were all still living under her roof as well. My response to her was that it's good to take a day and celebrate our mothers. Just like their birthdays, but extra special. I also argued that when you no longer live under your parent's roof or in the same town, it becomes that much more important to celebrate our moms on mothers Day. She then tried to make an additional comment about my mom's birthday being in the same month as Mother's Day and thus why would we celebrate again. Unfortunately, my memory is fuzzy on that part of her argument. So I do not remember exactly what her point was in that statement. My mom then told me that, her kids took her out for a big dinner at a nice restaurant that year. We had a good ironic laugh.

    To those who celebrate Mother's Day with joy, Happy Mother's Day! While I was a child and into my teen years, Mother's Day was for celebrating my biological mother and that was it. I have no memory of celebrating my grandmothers or any of my aunts and now looking back I wonder why. No criticism of my mom or dad in any way, I'm sure they had their reasons or I simply do not remember. As I  gained some more life experience I realized that biological mothers are not the only "forms" of motherhood. I married into a blended family and, not only did I get a mother-in-law, but a step-mother-in-law. There are also spiritual mothers with or without children who are working in our churches and communities helping to raise the next generation of children, youth, and young adults and filling in the gaps where needed.

    Some are also blessed to be foster and adoptive mothers. You women are such a blessing. Because you have chosen to open up your hearts and home to children in need. The world is a better place because of women like you. So bless you and thank you for coming alongside families who do not have the resources to properly care for their children and need a helping hand for whatever reason.

    And last, but certainly not least. Fur mamas. Our babies may have four legs, tails, and fur, but we love them all the same. I once told someone I considered Blessing to be my child and they got rather upset because I did not birth her. Then someone else pointed out that mothers do not have to birth their children to have children. She said stepmothers do not birth their step-children but still consider them their children. I loved her argument. Not only because it validated my opinion but because it reminded me and those standing around us that you do not have to be a biological mother to love on children. That being said, the bond between a mother and her biological child is a bond like no other.

    So whatever Mother's Day looks like for you, I hope that it brings joy, memories, and loves ones together. And if it doesn't, then I pray that you would find the healing you need and long for. Family can be tricky and messy and for some, Mother's Day only amplifies that.

God Bless

~Hannah

A beautiful view on a hike last Thanksgiving.

Blessed by The Holy Spirit

    In December 2022, God put it on my heart to read The Bible chronologically starting in the new year. On January 1st I opened up my Bible app and found a reading plan and have been faithfully following it since. While I was in Exodus and reading about Moses. God reminded/retaught me how the people in the Old Testament did not have access to Holy Spirit the way we do today. Of course, I knew that. God the Father speaks to the people through the prophets and priests in the Old Testament and then sends Jesus to earth in the New Testament. Jesus sent Holy Spirit to help us after Jesus ascends into Heaven after His death and resurrection. I felt so blessed when God showed me this revelation. Because I get to talk to God every day all day through Holy Spirit. I do not need a priest or any other human middleman. Holy Spirit lives in me and is my direct connection to The Father. To the One who created the Heavens and the earth. Hallelujah. If that doesn't spark joy and excitement in your heart, I do not know what will.

    It then occurred to me just how exhausting Moses and the other priests and prophets would have been. Because they spent much of their time helping the people to communicate with God.

    Fast forward a couple of months. I was listening to a podcast, and one of the hosts asked the other host if they would rather have Jesus on earth or have The Holy Spirit in us. I do not recall their answer. My answer was to have Holy Spirit in me. My reasoning at this time is that Holy Spirit lives in me and thus I can talk to God any time I like. Where if Jesus was on earth like He was during his growing up years and ministry, I would have to go see him. At least, that is my understanding of theology. Yes, my goal and desire are to be in Heaven with The Father and Jesus one day and be in constant communion with them. But while I am on earth, I will gladly take Holy Spirit.

    Then one day at work I was talking to a Mennonite believer about our faith and comparing our beliefs and understanding of our faith and learning about the differences. I mentioned a conversation that Holy Spirit and I had one day. She was a little surprised and taken aback by the fact that I talk to God regularly and hear His voice.

    A week or so later I was talking to a family member about our ability to speak to and hear from Holy Spirit and what a blessing it is. Through that conversation, I realized that the gift of being able to speak to and hear from The Holy Spirit makes up about half of my relationship with God and just how alone I would feel if I did not have that gift. Then I thought of some other believers that I know who have struggled over the years to hear from Holy Spirit. This led me to feel a whole lot more sympathy and compassion for those people than I previously had, and it stirred up my desire to pray for them even more. Praying that God would show them how He speaks to them. Because He speaks to us in different ways, and sometimes we do not hear His voice because we do not recognize it because we do not know all the different ways that He can speak to us.

    So thank you, Jesus, for living in my heart and for sending Holy Spirit to be my helper in talking to The Father until it is time to head to Heaven. Amen.

God Bless

~Hannah

 

Practicing still life photography with a few of my favourite things.

Easter Thoughts

    "It's Friday, but Sunday is coming." is a common phrase we say in the Church during Easter weekend, and it's true. But we cannot forget about Friday. We had a guest speaker for our Good Friday service yesterday, and one of the many things he said was, "Thank God for Friday." (Not a direct quote, I don't remember the exact sentence. Just the point behind the sentence.) We tend to think of Good Friday as a sad day, and in some ways, it is, but it's also so good.

    Yes, Jesus went to the cross for us and died a horrible, painful death. But, He did it for us. He did it for you and me. He obeyed The Father and died in our place. That alone brings me to tears. He took my sins to the cross and washed me white as snow. God loves us so much that He gave His one and only son to die in our place.

    Maybe it's just me, but I think the Church at large needs to spend more time reflecting on what Good Friday means and not simply say, "It's okay. Sunday is coming." Again, maybe it's just me, and your church does a wonderful job of acknowledging what happened on Good Friday. I'm also not criticizing my church either.

    Because without Good Friday, we can't have Sunday.

    It reminds me that when we are in a hard season of life, we are often reminded that it's darker before dawn and that Hope comes in the morning. Which is also very true. The day that Jesus died was a hard day for His family, both on earth and in Heaven, His friends and followers.

    When I was a child and asked my dad what the weather was going to be the next day, he would always say, "Darker tonight, lighter tomorrow." It drove me nuts because it was not helpful. It was true, but not helpful.

    Anyways, Holy Spirit reminded me yesterday morning to take both Friday and Saturday and remember what Jesus did for me on Good Friday. And tomorrow, with the rest of my local church and the Church at large that He defeated death and rose to life again, and because He rose again, He is not just a man, but my Savior.

    Thank you, God, for Good Friday. Thank you for sending Jesus to die on the cross for me. Your one and only son.

Happy Easter, Friends.

~Hannah

"Its always darkest before the dawn." Thomas Fuller, 1650.

The Priming Booth

    I have worked for Select Finishing for almost a year and a half. The majority of that time I have spent in the sanding booth and have become a proficient sander and have been blessed with my supervisor's respect, trust, and listening ear. She has assigned me a handful of people to train, and if she brings me a part to sand that is not worth my time and energy, she respects my answer and moves on. Life is pretty good in the sanding booth.

    Over the last month or so, I have been helping out in the primer booth and priming parts. The first step in the painting process for the body parts of the Spyder Bike we make.

    Up until recently, all I knew about priming was how to spray the paint on the part. I knew nothing about cleaning my primer gun at the end of my shift or any other steps in the clean-up process. Let alone the setup process. It wasn't bothering anyone, and I did not spend a lot of time there, so I gave it very little thought. Of course, the day came when it mattered, and boy, what a bad day that was. To make matters worse, my anxiety was also acting up, so not only was my stress acting up and I was compensating to the best of my ability, but my primer gun hadn't been properly set up, which caused a whole host of problems of its own which gave me even more anxiety. You can imagine how happy I was to get out of there at the end of the day and did not want to go near the booth for a day or two afterward. Thankfully the gun problems were resolved, and I have since learned what the problem was and how to set it up properly. It then occurred to my sanding supervisor that I did not have a clue about the technical side of priming and that it was time to fix that. Especially now that I spent a chunk of time in the priming booth. One minute I'm a full-time sander, and the next minute I am spending half my day in primer (the main primer is on light duties currently and can only prime for half the day). At first, I was unimpressed and thought, "God, I was happy in "my" sanding booth. Please put me back there." But God in infinite wisdom knew I had some growing to do, and the priming booth was where I was going to learn the lesson He had for me. You see, I like to be in control and do not like relying on others for anything. In the sanding booth, I am "in control." I know what to do, and if a problem arises, I know how to solve it or where to find the people who will solve it for me. In the priming booth, I'm not "in control" because until two weeks ago, I only knew how to spray the primer on the part and had no clue how to troubleshoot anything. Which stressed me out. Of course, this is the part where God started working on me. First, I mastered the clean-up process at the end of the day. Then I started learning how to troubleshoot problems and where to find the right people who would fix my problems and that not only do I have to rely on others in this department, but by the grace of God, I can rely on them.

    And finally, I am learning about the setup process and how to set myself up for success.

    It's funny, at first I was "kicking and screaming" to be left alone in the sanding booth, and now I enjoy the priming booth. Because I got on board when God said it was time to grow out of my comfort zone and deal with my control problems at work. The "funnies" part about all this is that I did not think I had control problems at work. I thought that they only came to life in my personal life. But as usual, God knows better and that is why He is God, and I am not. Please don't hear that as bragging. I have simply learned that when God says it's time to grow and learn something new, the sooner you get on board, the easier it gets. Believe me, God has dragged me kicking and screaming a few times and has metaphorically smacked up upside the head a time or two before I got on board. Now I get on board a whole lot sooner because I know He will win either way, so why bother fighting Him.

    Anyways, one of the pleasant side effects of priming so much is that I'm in the booth all alone with my music, podcasts, and God. Which was also part of God's plan for me. To get me quieter with Him and work on other things that needed attending to, like my at-work control problem I didn't know I had.

    God works in mysterious ways friends, and I would never imagine that He would teach me to "give up" and navigate my control issues through a priming booth.

    It has been a few more weeks of hanging out in the priming booth. I have spent almost all my time priming in the last two weeks. I haven't listened to much music or podcasts in the last two weeks, I now spend that time in prayer. The priming booth has become my "prayer closet" and whenever I am told that I am needed in priming, I now ask, "Okay God, what are we working on/walking about today." 

    This past Monday I said to God, "Please take me out of the primer booth and back into the sanding booth (my comfort zone). God responded with, "You don't grow in your comfort zone." I then responded with my arms crossed, huffed and said, "Fine." Right before this conversation with the Holy Spirit, I was trying to figure out why I still did not "love" the priming booth and why I would rather be sanding. Despite actually enjoying priming. Then this conversation took place, and I realized that the booth represents change, and I don't like change. I love the side effects of positive change, but who wants to go through the mess of change? Not me. Even when it is for my good and His glory.

    Thank you for joining me on my journey of becoming the woman God created me to be. I pray this blesses and encourages you on your walk with Christ.

God Bless

~Hannah

A beautiful winter sunrise.