Overcommitting Myself

    Last week on the 20th, my supervisor came by 3/4 through the day and said we were offering extra hrs in buffing because the customer rejected a whole lot of parts, so we had to fix the ones they rejected, along with providing them with the ones we already owed them. I said not today or tomorrow (tomorrow being my birthday and I had the day booked off.), but Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, I could come in extra early and buff before my painting shift started. By Wednesday morning, I regretted my decision and decided that I wouldn't continue doing overtime the following week. So I finished my shift on Monday, enjoyed having Tuesday off, and then had three very rough days. I rushed into work in the morning, leaving no time for chores, minimal time for God, and limited capacity for hubby and Blessing. It was a rough three days.  But wait, it gets worse. Because I then spent my whole weekend overcommitting myself. Saturday until 3pm was great, and then it went downhill. I continued to overcommit myself and thus kept digging the hole of exhaustion for myself.

    Among other things that I will talk about next is that one of my issues is that I don't think about my energy levels. I simply look at the calendar and say, 'Yes, I'm available.' I don't stop and think about everything else that will happen prior to this new thing or after it, and therefore, do I have the energy to give to this new thing? Answer, probably not.

    

    But I have decided that enough is enough, and it's time to learn from my mistakes and stop repeating them. Being busy for busy sake is not godly anyway. I tend to connect my value with how much I work. Which, of course, goes against what God says. I'm also a huge people pleaser and tend to chase after money more than I should. Meaning that I say yes to way more overtime than I ever should. Overtime has its place by all means, but there is a limit. Ephesians 2:10 NIV “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” We were created to work, but not to overwork.

    In my head, the more I work and do things, the more value I have. Which is a lie from the enemy, of course. But a lie I tend to believe anyways. It's even worse when I am tired. That's when I have a meltdown. Which makes sense, when your defenses are down, it's the perfect time for the enemy to attack. A verse I cling to as much as possible is Psalm 139:14 NIV “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful,I know that full well.”

    And as you might expect, when I have overworked myself and I am exhausted and burning out, my helpmate abilities that I wrote about last week go out the window. Which makes sense. It's hard to serve and love someone when all you want to do is sleep.

    So, I'm taking this week to recover. And then being mindful of my calendar and my energy from now on. We had small group on Monday, so Tuesday I woke up tired as I had expected. It was a great night, but I felt like I had been hit by a bus. After work, I took a long afternoon nap, with no real relief.

Wednesday, I woke up feeling tired still, but a little less. Hubby and I agreed that we still felt dead that morning, but less dead than the day before.

    Upon my arrival at work, my boss said good morning and said I looked tired. I said I was more awake than I had been in days. I walked away laughing to myself. After work, I was tired, but normal tired. I was able to get laundry done, make a new soup recipe, clean up, and even had some energy to read my book. Hubby and agreed earlier in the week that we would not make any social commitments for Saturday and simply enjoy resting at home together.

    I have enjoyed watching my recovery process this week thus far and am looking forward to feeling more rejuvenated as we approach the weekend. I have a small sewing project that I would like to work on this weekend and am looking forward to not only completing it, but also having the energy to enjoy the process.

    So, here's to learning my lesson and actively practicing not overcommitting myself and honouring God and blessing my family in the process. If you struggle with this issue, I pray that you would be able to learn from me and what God has taught me, and start respecting your energy and calendar better. I pray this blesses and encourages you today, friend.

God Bless

~Hannah

Helpmate

    So we have a move coming up in a little while. We know the destination, but we don't have a timeline. We believe God is giving us time to save up for the move, so we are being patient while we save and wait. God has also given hubby instructions about what he will be doing once we move. Which then made me start wondering what my job/task will be once we move. I pondered that for a few days and then started thinking about my role as a wife and woman. As a man and husband, hubby's role is to lead and provide, which he does beautifully. And I get to sit back and watch the show.

    Genesis 2:18 "And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him." (KJV) I have been familiar with this verse for most of my life, but I haven't really delved into it until recently. Maybe I wasn't mature enough or ready. But I am now. That is the beauty of God's word. It is alive and active, and you can read one verse all your life, and each time God can reveal new things to you.

Hebrews 4:12 “For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” (NIV)

    Slowly, over a couple of days, God reminded me of my role as a help meet. Or as we more commonly say, "helpmate" And that my role is to support my husband. So I let that marinate in my heart and mind for a few days and started serving/helping hubby at home better. Mainly with a better attitude. I also started calling myself 'helpmate' as a term of endearment. He noticed very quickly and was enjoying his view.

    Then this past week, hubby was working on his surfboard and feeling very frustrated. He has been sanding it for a few days, and he wasn't getting the results he needed and wanted. He was trying to figure out what the problem was, but wasn't getting anywhere. He was looking up videos on YouTube and such, but getting nowhere. On Wednesday morning, he was driving me to work and venting about it. I suggested that after work, he pick me up and take me to the shop and look at the surfboard together. I figured a second opinion and a fresh pair of eyes would go a long way. He agreed. He also asked for prayer over the stress of it all. Around 12:30-1:00 that day, I was praying for him and asking God to give him the encouragement he needed. I said I didn't know if it would come from God himself or from me, but that hubby needed encouragement. Holy Spirit then reminded me that I am his 'helpmate' and that the encouragement would be coming from God through me.

    When he picked me up that day, he was feeling awful and defeated. We drove home, and I convinced him to take me to the shop and look at his board. I was pretty sure that a) he just needed encouragement and b) that he was overthinking everything. Which is a trait that we both share. We head to the shop and he shows me the board and as expected. It was fine. Yes, it needed work, but not nearly as bad as he had described. He instantly felt better, and I shared how I was praying for him, and God told me that he needed encouragement from his help mate.

    I then started to wonder about how my role as a wife is to blend with society and my hobbies. Basically, how do I enjoy my life and still help my hubby the way God intended? The answer boils down to putting God first, and everything else will fall into place. Meaning that I serve and worship Him first, and then part of my service and worship to my Heavenly Father is serving, helping, and taking care of hubby, and then when that is all in the correct order, God blesses and redeems my time and gives me time to enjoy my hobbies as well.

    It's not always easy, of course, but God is helping me and giving me more joy in the process and changing my heart towards the whole topic, and now I serve and help hubby with a much better servant's heart. I'm not a slave by any means, nor has he ever suggested any such thing. I'm simply following God's call on my life and serving Him and my hubby. I also don't share any of this to brag on myself. If anything, I'm bragging about what God has done in me and that I'm grateful for it.

I pray this blesses and encourages you in whatever way you need today, friend.

God Bless

~Hannah

Learning to Calm Down

    God is working on calming me down. I'm less reactive. I feel myself freaking out and can take a step back and breath through it. In the past, I would freak out and then figure out why I was upset. I can now see how ridiculous it is to simply throw something when you hurt yourself (I’m accident-prone and walk into things on a regular basis) or are upset. I feel more at peace and am becoming the woman that I believe God wants me to be.

    It all started last Sunday(two weeks ago now). The worship team played the last song to end the service. They played 'Made for More' by Josh Baldwin. They kept repeating the lines, 'you buried my past, so I'm not going back, Hallelujah. I was made for more.' Holy Spirit spoke to me in those moments. As the song proceeded, I went closer to the altar with both hands raised. God has also been helping me to be more expressive and authentic in my worship. Hubby and I sit in the front row, but in those moments, I felt the need to go to the altar. I sang out, 'you buried my past, so I'm not going back.' In my heart, I was referring to not overreacting anymore. You see, like many people, I have struggles, shocker, I know. For me, the majority of my struggles stem from self-esteem and self-worth issues. I know what God's word says, but I struggle terribly with believing it. Because of those struggles, I overreact very easily and think that my worth is being attacked regularly. It's not. But the enemy likes to tell me that it is, especially when I am tired.

    But I'm getting really tired of overreacting and don't want to get upset anymore. Like I said earlier, 99% of the time I overreact before I even know what I am upset about. Not helpful, I know. I have started texting hubby through out the day and telling him about the things that are frustrating me. I like to think that once I leave work that the frustrations of the day stay at work and that I’m not bothered by the events of my day. But then I get home and realize that its not the case and I get upset over something silly at home. Now that I'm getting better at texting him through the day and telling hubby what is going on and venting a little, it has been helping to prevent me from getting upset when I get home. Otherwise, as soon as I get home, I get upset and yet don't know why. I’m basically learning to process my emotions before they can process me.

    The other day I was in the kitchen and I hurt myself or something, I don't recall exactly what happened anymore, but I do remember getting mad and Holy Spirit helped me to step back and breathe through it instead of getting upset and throwing something. It was almost like an out of body experience, I could see the whole thing from someone's else's perspective and how ridiculous it all looked. I'm not there yet, but I am getting better.

    I also have a tendency to get upset and flip out when I don't get my way. Yes, very childish, I know. Well, last night I didn't get my way, and instead of flipping out, I moved on. Hubby said no to something with valid reasoning, and I submitted and respected his answer. Which is exactly what God calls me to do. “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.” Ephesians 5:22-24 KJV. I walked away and did the dishes. Did I give a perfect attitude? No, but I didn't get upset. I'm calling that progress and improvement. I then climbed into bed and prayed and thanked God for working in me.

    I'm not perfect, though. After church this past week, we went to A&W for lunch. Our debit cards were not working properly for some reason. At first, I thought it was because the worker was moving the machine away too quickly, which he was. Hubby's card was denied twice, so we tried mine. At that point, I'm a little annoyed and firmly tell the guy not to move the machine away so quickly. I didn't yell, but I also didn't say please. My card eventually worked. We found out the next day that our debit cards had expired. Perfect time for a postal strike. LoL Hubby correctly rebuked me, and then I worked on calming down and giving it all to God.  Didn't really work though, and I ended up freaking out in the car at hubby. So I still have work to do, but God and I are making progress.

    I've been wanting this change in me for a long time, but I'm afraid of change and would rather suffer in my comfort zone than change. Right before God did a big work in me, I started half-heartedly praying for God to help. I also get nervous about asking God to work in me because you never know exactly what He is going to do. But I finally came to the end of myself and said that I need more Jesus and less of me, and over a few days prayed and asked God to start working in me. Then the above Sunday happened, and I feel God working in my life and calming me down.

    Still not perfect, but drastically improved. I still have my moments, but they are becoming fewer and further between and less dramatic.

    I share this because I love writing about what God is doing in my life and to encourage you in your walk with Christ, and to remind us all that no matter how put-together someone may look, we are all facing battles that no one knows about. Unless we tell them that is. 😉

I pray this blesses and encourages you today, friend.

Happy Thanksgiving

God Bless

~Hannah

Dear Mrs. Erika Kirk.

    Dear Mrs. Erika Kirk. I don't imagine that you will ever see this, but I wanted to write it anyway. First off, I'm so sorry for the loss of your hubby, Charlie. The night that I got the news that he had passed away, I was very upset and sad about the news. That night I went to bed, as I lay beside my hubby, I started to think about how thankful I was and still am that I get to sleep beside mine still, because you no longer could. Over the next few days, I began to think about how little our petty, silly arguments truly are and that I need to spend more time simply being thankful that my hubby is still with me. Most of our arguments are due to my being tired, hungry, or upset about something from my day. But still unnecessary. Hubby lovingly reminded me that all marriages have conflict, and it's all about how you deal with it. Which, of course, is true.

    I know you already knew that, as I expect many so as well, but you had and have a very special hubby. I have been following him casually on Instagram for a little while, and so far, everything he said I agreed with. I enjoyed listening to him talk about what a good godly man should look and act like, because he was describing my hubby in a nut shell. I already knew that my hubby is an incredible man of God, but hearing someone else describe those characteristics was so nice.

    My eyes were filled with tears as I listened to your first announcement after Charlie's death in his office and spoke of your grief, but also knew that God has a plan and that Charlie was now in Heaven with his Savior. What courage and faith it must have taken to say what you said. You beautifully reflected our shared faith. Our pastor shared a small part of that video in church. He mentioned that you had given that speech just two days after his assassination and said that you could have only done that with the help of the Holy Spirit. I agree. You allowed God to work through you, and it clearly showed. There was so much grace and love in your speech.

    I didn't watch the memorial service for him this past weekend, but I did watch a clip of you forgiving his murderer, and I cried again. Forgiveness is hard, but with the help of the Holy Spirit, you did it. I've been waiting to see video footage of you saying that you forgive his murderer, and knew that in time you would say it. And you did. I tear up every time I think about it. God has used you to encourage others to forgive those who have hurt them in various ways, and it is beautiful. You also challenged men and women respectively to fulfuill their God given roles as husbands and wives. So far, I have seen one video of a woman saying she has accepted your challenge. Although I expect that there are others. God is using you, Mrs. Kirk. God bless you.

Charlie wanted to be remembered for his courage and faith, and he was, and now you will be known for yours as well. You are a true believer in our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, and I praise God for that. It is only through the strength that comes from the Holy Spirit that we are able to do anything of use in this earth. It is evident that you rely on Him for your strength.

    I also respect your choice in having him embalmed for his funeral. I had to do some research because I couldn't remember what it meant, only that it is in the Bible. I respect that you wanted him to look his best/normal for your children at the funeral, and I would too. I know you received flak for it, and I'm sorry. Heck, over the last few weeks, you have received a lot of flak for how you are grieving and “moving on” after Charlie’s death. I’m so sorry that must be so difficult. When in reality, you have a job to do, and everyone grieves differently. Unfortunately, we all know that you would be criticized no matter what you do because everyone has their own opinion, to which they are entitled to. Unfortunately, we sometimes forget that the next part of that is to not tear each other down with our opinions, but that’s where God’s grace comes into play.

    You are an incredible woman of God and an amazing role model for this next generation. I praise God for you and all the other amazing role models for this next generation and for what God is doing through you.

God Bless

~Hannah

When The Enemy Attacks You With Legalism.

    I am blessed to work with two women who are Mennonites and live in an area with a solid population of Mennonites as well. The women I work with don't wear their culture's traditional clothing at work because it would constrict their movement at work, and they consider it their good clothing vs their work clothing. Like most of us, our work wardrobe is different than our personal life wardrobe.

    Anyway, because of the area in which I live, I see Mennonites all around me. Of which I love and respect. I disagree with some of their traditions, but I respect their culture and how they dress. That being said, the enemy has used them to attack me with legalism regarding my standard of modesty and clothing. To be clear, my two Mennonite coworkers have never said a word about how I dress, other than that I dress modestly. In fact, a handful of other coworkers have asked me if I am a Mononite because I dress conservatively. I am flattered that people see that in me.

    The 'problem' occurs when I am out in the community and I see a Mennonite woman dressed in a full-length skirt, and I am in a knee-length skirt. I wear all lengths of skirts. My husband's and my rule of thumb is if I can touch my fingertips to my thigh when standing up straight, then it's too short. Otherwise, I will wear anything from that length and longer. Every length has its place. So in my head, I start comparing myself to the other woman, who, of course, has no idea, and I start thinking that I should be in a longer skirt. Then I fight with myself and remind myself that I am dressed modestly and that I have freedom in Christ. Meaning that I'm not restricted to only wearing one length of skirt. Again, no one has ever told me that I don't dress modestly; it's simply the enemy attacking my thoughts and me learning to defend against them.

    Yes, God calls us to dress modestly, and I also believe that some women are convicted differently than others. I am blessed that my husband and I have the same convictions for how I dress. Recently, I purchased a top that would need additional layers under it to make it modest, which was my intention all along. Hubby lovingly reminded me that I would need to wear something under it, and I agreed and told him he didn't need to mention it because I already knew it. But then I thought about it for a second and remembered that it is a huge blessing for my husband to want me to dress modestly and for him to remind me of his standards and of God’s standards.

    Anyways, the reason why I share all of this is to remind us all that the enemy doesn't just tempt us with sin, he also tempts us with false religion. He tried to distract me by being legalistic about the length of my skirt. When in reality, there is nothing wrong with the length that I wear. Plus, I wear shorts under every length of skirt/dress.

While I was dealing with the attacks, I had to remind myself that some skirts are simply better shorter and some longer. I have a pink, knee-length one with flowers and ruffles. It's hubby's favourite. It would be way too overpowering visually if it were a full-length skirt between the pattern and style. But as a knee-length skirt, it's beautiful.

    I am blessed and thankful that I have freedom in Christ to dress how I choose and that I have the option to wear all different lengths and styles. Where the Menonite community tends to only wear a couple of styles of dresses and skirts. I was chatting with one of my Menonite coworkers who is not yet married. I asked her if she would wear a white dress or a traditional black dress. The black dress is old colony style and very simple. She said the black one and then mentioned that there are too many options for white wedding dresses, and how do we “English” girls pick? I lovingly responded with the fact that she has been wearing the same three styles of dresses her whole life and therefore is not used to having more options. We had a good laugh.

   

I pray this blesses, encourages, and challenges you today, friend.

We have freedom in Christ, but we also have a responsibility to honour Him with everything that we do. 1st Corinthians 10:31.

God Bless

~Hannah

Bikinis' Should Be Banned.

    The topic of bikinis has been on my mind recently. Between opinion videos on my social media feeds and my pastor's sermon from last Sunday, which discussed women dressing modestly and how bikinis are not modest, I have decided to share my thoughts on the matter.

    My opinion has changed over the years about them, and as of this summer, I am completely against them. That being said, I was never for them to begin with. They are immodest and inappropriate. Yes, once upon a time, I thought they were cute on little baby girls and at one point, I could also understand why women in their 20s and 30s wore them.

    God has changed my heart recently, and now I wish we could ban them altogether. As believers, we are called to dress modestly. Meaning cover up more than just your butt, crotch and chest when you are near water and even more so when you are not. 1 Timothy 2:9-10. Yes, I understand not everyone follows the same faith as I do. I respect that, and I will be praying for you. It dishonours God when we dress immodestly. Our bodies are a temple of the Holy Spirit, and we are to honour God with how we dress His temple.

    One argument that was made in a video I watched asked the ladies what kind of man they were trying to attract. A man of respect, honour and integrity? Because I don't think that's what you are attracting. All you are doing is causing him to lust after you.  I'm sorry if I sound harsh; I'm just speaking the truth in love as best I can.

    For those ladies who think you are showing off your confidence by wearing a bikini, you really aren't. All you are doing is leaving less to the imagination and less for your future husband to enjoy privately. At one point, I could appreciate both sides of the argument about the more you show off, the more confident, and its counter parter, the less you show, the more confidentent you are. I am now firmy in the camp of the more coverage you have the more confidence you have. That being said, I'm not saying to cover from head to toe.

    And then there is the whole bikini thong style we have going on these days. Oh my goodness, no. A bikini is revealing enough as it is. Why do you need to add a thong? Answer, you don't.

    Now I recognize that not every woman out there is wearing a bikini. You are likely in a one-piece or a tankini. Sister, I salute you. I also don't think that mothers or wives should be wearing bikinis. What message are you teaching your husband, son and daughter? Again, I'm not here to judge or condemn. I'm also not saying that I''m against a two-piece. I love my tankini. I found it at a second-hand store, it was a little big but I was able to alter it and it's now perfect.

    I'm also a big believer that as a woman of faith, it's my job to show the young girls and ladies coming up behind me that you can dress modestly and appropriately and still be fashionable.

    I wrote this post a few months ago and haven't had a chance to post it yet. It's been a busy summer at work with lots of overtime. And when I wasn't at work, I was at my sewing machine.

As usual, I pray this encourages, blesses and challenges you today friends.

God Bless

~Hannah

The Joy of Generosity

    At the beginning of June, hubby and I started planning his birthday. For his party, he wanted to go to Hana Sushi after church for lunch, and then swim in his dad and step-mom's pool, open presents and eat cake. He told me who he wanted to invite, and I started making phone calls. Almost everyone on the guest list was available. But, there were comments about the price of the restaurant. In all fairness, $40 per person for the buffet is expensive. But it's his birthday and that's what he wanted. The family members who felt that it was too expensive said that they would simply get a few things off the menu instead and avoid the buffet price. At first, I thought they were simply being cheap and that once I made my announcement, it would change things. In the end, it didn't change their minds/plans, and I learned a few lessons in budgeting and such. Lessons that were a blessing. That being said, traditionally, I'm a cheapskate. Anyways, I make the announcement that I will be paying the bill. The whole bill. I figured it would also change their minds about ordering three things off the menu and getting the buffet instead. (Not that I think that they would take advantage of my generosity or anything). And I'm glad that it didn't. Not because it would reduce the bill, but because I would then learn that for a small eater like myself, it's the better option, plus the portions off the menu are much bigger than those of the buffet. I've never considered ordering from the menu at this restaurant because I was simply introduced to the restaurant as a buffet and never thought about other options. Anyway, back to the story.

    They briefly tried to argue that I didn't need to pay for them, and then hubby and I explained how God put it on my heart to do so.

    So after the initial invitations went out and the comments about the price were shared, hubby and I discussed helping people out with their bills, but we hadn't made any decisions.

    While I was at work, I was thinking about it. Thinking about paying their entire bill. Not that they need assistance, but simply to bless them. Then I thought about how there were other family members who would struggle to pay their bills. So then I thought, "add them too." Then I realized that there were only two guests left on the list and thought, "heck, add them too." So I did the math of what the bill might look like. It was a big enough number, but I wasn't feeling worried about it (normally I would start paicking at this point). Then I divided the number up according to overtime pay and how many weeks of overtime it would take to save up for it. The number was doable. So I made the decision that I wanted to do it. I wanted to pay for everyone. Hubby picked me up at the end of the day, and after a quick stop at Walmart, I told him what I wanted to do. He was shocked by it at first, which is to be expected. Because it was a big number, and traditionally, I'm a cheapskate and would never think of such a thing. I told him my plan, and we continued to discuss it. He was feeling nervous and was trying not to throw cold water all over my blessing. We prayed and talked more about it. He then said, "What would Jesus do?" I quickly replied, "He paid it all." I then added that I felt complete peace over it. Which is usually a sign that it's the right thing to do. We then decided to go through with it. Hubby figured that God was using me to stretch his faith. He recently read "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan, which changed his life, and I am slowly working through it as well. We believe that the book taught my hubby to be more generous than he already was, and He is now working on my not-so-generous heart. Then we had to keep it a secret for the next month. Which was really hard because the closer the day came, the more excited I got.

    Finally, hubby's birthday arrived. We attended church as usual and then headed to the restaurant. I got so excited that I made my announcement long before I should have. But, oh well. Everyone was surprised and thankful, and I was excited to pay. I had also wondered if this gesture would result in "hot coles landing on one of our guests' heads" for being cheap. It wasn't my main reason by any means. Just a little bonus. Well, turns out God had other plans, and the coles landed on my head and I learned a few lessons. Of which I am thankful. Proverbs 25:21-22.

    I now understand the verse, "it's better to give than receive." Acts 20:35. Like many people, I like to receive a gift. Well, that weekend God blessed me with the understanding of that verse, and I, too, can say that it is better to give than to receive. It brought me so much joy to pay for everyone's food, and I look forward to the next time God calls me to bless someone. Also, three people were not able to make it to the restaurant, and then half the guests ended up ordering straight from the menu. So the bill was half of what I had originally planned. Which in and of itself was also a blessing. Although we were a little sad that the three people couldn't make it in the end.

    I then spent a few days on a high from the whole experience, and even now, a few weeks after hubby's birthday, I am feeling emotional about that experience all over again, while I type this up. I am so thankful that I was obedient to God's call on my heart because I was just as blessed as everyone else at the table that day.

I pray that this blesses, encourages or challenges you today in your walk with Christ.